Things.

Things are going rather well, except today has been exceptionally hard. I got a call at noon saying to come pick her up from daycare because she was having a "bad day"! So I went and got her from daycare and we went and ran a few errands. However, we get home and I get laundry started, dishes done, cleaned out my car, cooked dinner for Colby when he got home and I've taken Brooke swimming, we've both had baths, I still have to put away dinner and pack EVERYONE'S STUFF!! Why WHY WHY!!! I never asked Colby to be a father to Brooke, but damnit it'd be nice if when he got home he would help but he just came home and has done nothing but slept. I'm tired at the end of the day, but my day doesn't end until Brooke goes to bed, and then THERE'S STILL MORE TO BE DONE!! I'm frustrated and I shouldn't say anything so I'm writing this. Brooke has been rather challenging this evening and all he can say is that he's going to bust her butt because she's interupting his sleep. I don't think so. I've dealt with it all most of the day, and I still went to HEB and got some things that we needed!! I've done every bit of laundry that needed to be done. EVERY BIT OF IT. Washed, dried, folded, hung. Whatever needed to be done, I've done it. I would really like to drop Brooke off with my mom tomorrow and go to Amarillo to the family reunion by myself. BY MYSELF. I hope that he heard that when I said it to her earlier. I love her to death, but when do I get to lay in bed and just sleep from the time I get home until everything else. This blog won't be around long, so read away and comment away. I don't know what to do. I didn't know I'd be the good little housewife.

We are like a carrot?

I read this book to Brooke it's simple and I love it. It's called "The Carrot Seed"

I shall recite it for you to get the bigger picture.



"A little boy planted a carrot seed.

His mother said, "I'm afraid it won't come up."

His father said, "I'm afraid it won't come up."

And his big brother said, "It won't come up."

Every day the little boy pulled up the weeds around the seed and sprinkled the ground with water.

But nothing came up.

And nothing came up.

Everyone kept saying it wouldn't come up.

But he still pulled up the weeds around it every day and sprinkled the ground with water.

And then, one day,

a carrot came up

just as the little boy had known it would."



Now you ask how are we like carrots? Because it only takes one little seed in our lives to be planted and for someone to care and nurture it despite everyone's negativity. All that little boy did was take care of that little seed, and guess what despite what everyone said, that carrot seed grew! That little boy must've been proud. I suppose that's how parents are. You plant a seed in your child and the more you nurture it and care for it the more it grows, and it's so excited to see your children grow. It's exciting to watch that little seed turn into something amazing. I suppose it could be the same in a relationship. The more you nurture and care for it the more it grows, when you stop doing those things, the relationship stops growing and becomes stale. Much like a seed that no one took care of. What if that little boy gave up? He wouldn't have proven his parents wrong and I'm sure he wouldn't be proud of those things either. What if we gave up on our children or a relationship with someone we care very deeply for? Our children would amount to nothing and we would never have a quality relationship. Many of us would have never found a soul mate, a husband, a fiance, or a boyfriend. We would have nothing! That dear friends is how we are much like carrots!

Success!

What is success?  What do we define as successful?  Our personal goals that have been achieved and accomplished.  I have succeeded and no longer talk about that thing that I was starting over from... Since that post I have remained true to myself and to who I am, not letting my past and the unfortunate events of part of my childhood become who I am.  I have remembered that while it's still a part of my past and always will be I can not let it define who I am and who I want to be. 

Now today I must conquer something else, and it does not define who I am or who I want to be.  Something that saddens me when I think about it.  He's only been gone a year on October 15th and I'd almost forgotten until I looked at a calendar and on that day there is a little note about how James went to be with God.  Is that a day I will never forget, yes!  It is a day that is forever etched into my brain.  A day that some of us will have vivid memories of for the rest of our lives.  I can't almost paint the picture for you to this day, seeing him hooked up to all those tubes.  That is something I never want to see again.  It's so hard because still to this day when I call my aunt I want to ask how my uncle is doing, how work is going, how he is enjoying retirement!  I have to constantly remind myself that I can not do that.  I see things and I remember him.  I talk about my drafting career and think about how much we had in common as he was the City Engineer in Midland!  I sometimes think, man if he were here I could ask him about some things! 

I truly miss him and always will, maybe this year in celebration of his life, Brooke and I will let a bunch of balloons go..perhaps one for each year I knew him...lets see...25 ballons!

Lt. Charles Joseph Margiotta

Today is September 11, 2009 and today is remembered in the hearts of many Americans. As those planes crashed into many remembered building that one faitful day, I was at school. I was a senior in high school at Greenwood High School, and I can remember passing by one of the classrooms where one of our teachers stopped me and asked if I had heard. I obviously had not heard because I didn’t have a clue as to what was going on. He told me and that’s the moment it hit. Our country was under attack and who knew that it would continue for a long time. No one even saw it coming. We had a new President who was doing his best to run the country he believed in so much. The country that had offered him so much without expecting much in return. But more importantly, many of our freedoms were taken that day. I remember going to second period and sitting in there when someone mentioned that the pentagon had been hit. It sank in, “the Pentagon” I screamed, my cousin worked in there on the very side that was hit. He had just walked out of the building when the plane hit, and he went back in to assist where he could. I worried for him for the day and I was sad until we heard he was okay. My cousin is a JAG Lawyer and it could be him that we’re remembering this day.


Today is the day when we remember those who were lost, either by doing their jobs, or others trying to escape. It was a devastating blow to America as a whole and to the Americans that call this place home. America lost some of its finest, Police Officers, Firefighters, and other rescue workers. Those people gave their lives for others, which they were called to duty to do.

I hope that we can instill this kind of thing into our young children, Brooke was not yet even thought about when this horrific event occured so she will never fully understand how it has impacted ourselves, the people around us, our neighbors, friends, and family, nor how it has impacted our lives and our Country.  When I think about these things and the innocence that those children bring I also remember the innocence of our country that day as there was really nothing we could do at that very moment.  How vulnerable and unprepared we were that day.  That day has changed our lives forever.

On this day I’m called to remember everyone, but someone I was chosen to remember. I can not find much on this fine man, but I’m sure he was married to a lovely lady who loved him very much as well, as he probably had children who loved him very much. His name is Lt. Charles Joseph Margiotta. He was 44, from New York, NY and he died trying to assist in the tragic event at the World Trade Center. Today we honor him for giving his life for others and doing it without even second guessing or hesitating. For this we honor you Lt. Margiotta. I’m sure you were New York’s finest, just out there doing your job. You probably impacted many lives and those people will be forever grateful.

I pray that on your journey home you were able to stand at the Pearly Gates of God’s Kingdom. Welcome home Lt.  Today it is the greatest honor to remember such a brave and loved man.

Here is the Eulogy written for him by his brother Mike Margiotta:

According to Webster, "bravery" is defined as combining confidence with firm resolution in the presence of danger. "Courageous" however is more than brave! It adds a moral element. The courageous man steadily encounters perils to which he may be keenly sensitive at the call of duty. At no time do either of these definitions mention being fearless. Fearless is just the inability to recognize danger.

On September 11th, Chuck had fears…recognized them…called home…and then performed his job with Bravery and Courage; as did all our firefighters and police officers. We thank them all and love them all for being heroes every day.


I thought Chuck was a workaholic. If I told him I had 2 jobs…he would say, “What do you do with the rest of your time?” Chuck didn’t have a career…he had many careers. Along with the FDNY, private investigation and others, Chuck was also a substitute teacher working in the NYC Board of Ed. for 20 years.

They say you can’t mix business with pleasure. Chuck always found a way.


When Chuck was only 12 years old, I watched with amazement at his ability to juggle both. He went to Latourette golf course to fish for carp in one of the ponds. And I mean, literally standing in the pond. The pond was between a Tee off and a green. He would stand in the water fishing and then sell golfballs back to the golfers that didn’t clear the pond. Making money and fishing…Chuck’s perfect world.


Later in life, perhaps even surprising himself, Chuck turned into the perfect dad. His hobbies were planned around his family schedule. Soccer, softball, basketball, baseball…all came first. And not just seeing the games…oh no…Chuck coached his daughter and son in all the sports. Eventually Chuck took over as Director of basketball in this parish, St. Rita’s. His weekends were consumed with scheduling practices, games and tournaments. Through it all, Chuck still managed to plan family vacations, hunting and fishing trips with his buddies and lots of activities that would fulfill all his needs.


Chuck’s plate still wasn’t full. He lived one house away from his parents. He was a great son to his mother and father. He was the mule. Anything that involved a ladder or back breaking work was Chuck’s. Cleaning the gutters and plowing the neighborhood was his specialty. When the first snowflake fell, you knew it wouldn’t be long before you heard Chuck fire up the Toro snowplow! Then like kids looking for Santa’s sleigh on Christmas Eve, neighbors would run to their windows and throw up the sash. And what to their wondering eyes should appear but, Chuck with an orange hunting jump suit, smiling ear to ear.


Chuck was like a superhero to his kids. He was like a superhero to all of his family and friends. One can only imagine what he looked like through the eyes of his children, Norma Jean and Charlie. Chuck was larger than life. He was only 5’ 11”. He was not the 6 feet that he claimed he was. But when you met him, even if you looked down to him physically…you looked up to him in ways that you could not put your finger on. You left Chuck with a feeling that he was much bigger than he really was.


As tough as Chuck looked, and with as gruff a voice as he had, children always knew that he loved them. They instinctively knew he was their ally. And they were right. If he yelled at them for letting a game get a little out of hand, the children usually smiled or laughed. Then Chuck would laugh too, seeing himself in the kids.


Chuck's light shines in the eyes of his children, Norma Jean and Charlie, who look around in admiration at all the people here who loved their father. That light will shine brighter every day until it bursts like a super nova when we join him in heaven.


Chuck is up there now with all the other firefighters lost on September 11th, giving a lesson on how to grow tomatoes and zucchini. He knows he can’t be wrong because he is with Nani and Papa who taught him all about it.


He is up there having a pick up game of basketball against Jesus and the Apostles. Chuck calls his team the Underdogs. I’d like to introduce them to you now:


Starting at Forward…everyone who was too little to fight for themselves. At the other forward… everyone who in the latter years of life were stripped of their dignity and were unable to perform tasks we take for granted. At Right Guard…everyone Chuck loved that left this world before him. At left guard…everyone who ever misjudged Chuck's loyalty while on earth. And STARTING AT CENTER…a man who at only 5’11”, now stands taller than everyone because of the life he led, the traditions he held on to, the compassion he showed and the memories he left...Chuck Margiotta

To honor someone next year you can go to http://www.dcroe.com/2996 and sign up.

God Bless America!!! Stand Tall & Proud!!!!

Today is the day...

that I start a new trend in my life. Letting go of the past which is so hard.  Am I choosing to hold onto it? Probably in more ways than I realize.  Except Colby pointed it out to me.  I tell it to nearly everyone I meet and it's so weird because I've never realized it.  Do I want people to feel sorry for me?  No!  I want to be free from it, and I'm going to have to have God helping me out because I can't do it on my own.  It's time to move on, it's time to make peace with it, realize that I'm definitely a different person, and move on with my life.  I'm going, I'm taking a step in the right direction.  I'm working on letting go.  Becoming a much better person that I've ever been.  Yes, that is part of my childhood, as everyone has a story about their childhood that isn't always good, but if we hold onto those things, what kind of people do we turn into?  I have not held things against Colby from our past why in the world would I hold it against anyone else?  That's just silly.  I must learn from my child in this home.  It's okay to know that bad things have happened to you, but at the end of the day you can not let them affect who you are or the person that you would like to become.  You must deal, realize that either it makes you a better person or that you can become a better person from it.

Here's to starting anew! Why?  Because it's healthy!

It's been a while....

Since I last posted something, but here we are none the last. Just a little update.

I have registered Brooke for school. I'm a little excited, and a little scared, but hey all that matters is that now, the possibilities are endless.

I'm also not going to tell you that since we last met, things have been totally easy. The relationship with my parents has gone through the cracks, well, I should clarify and say that the relationship with my MOM has gone to the dogs. I have not spoken to her in nearly three weeks! Am I okay with this, oh yes, I am. However, it has affected the relationship with my father greatly. If I need something long after he is home from work, I do not call the house under any circumstance. If it's an emergency I will find other means to get ahold of him, however I will not be phoning home anytime soon. I will avoid her like the plague. I have always been close to my dad so this angers me greatly, the fact that she does things like this, and however, he lets her get away with it. I'm not really sure when she'll wake up and see the facts like, oh geez, both of my daughters have moved away from home and if it weren't for their father, would they really have anything to do with me. She doesn't ask herself these things but she needs to start. She has a lot of problems that she needs to get taken care of before she can care for a family. I'm not really for sure why she wanted me other than I know that my dad had to have some things reversed before I could get here. Do I thank him? Everyday, because regardless of how much he's done to us, I can't count how much he's done FOR us. I love that man but I don't understand how he could stay married to her. There have been so many times that divorce has been threatened and according to my sister there were papers drawn up at some point, and frankly I don't know that I wouldn't have let her get away with NOT signing them. However, if it weren't for her I wouldn't be here either, and I wouldn't be half the person that I am today. I would not appreciate my dad for all he's done for me no matter what. He's been my rock and for that I'm truly grateful!

On to bigger and better things. Back to the kindergarten thing. We went and met Brooke's teacher and I'm pretty for sure that Brooke is going to SUPER enjoy being in kindergarten and meeting a whole bunch of new kids. Meeting her teacher was pretty cool. I'm really excited and I think she got a good one. We shall see when Christmas rolls around. That's about the time that you can start to tell cool things like that.

Well, I suppose that's all for now. I'm just here at the house hanging out. Did the school shopping today, so I'm a bit worn out from it all. Gotta get up early in the morning and get to church. Need to go more often it just makes for a better day!

Watching him work!

I'm here sitting in the truck watching Colby work on this electrical stuff in the field. We are kidless this weekend so why not come to work with him right, I just have to sit in the truck which I'm fine with because road time is a good time to just sit and chat. There are no chores to be done or a house to keep clean out here, it just good quality time with the one's you love. Watching him work makes me realize how hard he works everyday for our family to keep us going and to provide us with the things we need. Not to mention I get to see him looking sexy in his hardhat. He's such a handsome man and I feel truly blessed to be his girlfriend! I've never gotten the chance to come out here and experience this because we've always had Brooke so why not. It seemed fitting right! There's a right time for every experience in our lives! He works in the heat and sometimes he tells me that it's hot outside or something but never does he complain, NEVER! Like I said I'm truly blessed with a wonderful man like him in our lives. Everyone deserves something good in their lives and I'm blessed to have two wonderful things. I've been blessed with the most amazing daughter and with a wonderful boyfriend. Two of those things I couldn't be more thankful for! It's been an amazing ride.