Saturday, June 27, 2009
Watching him work!
I'm here sitting in the truck watching Colby work on this electrical stuff in the field. We are kidless this weekend so why not come to work with him right, I just have to sit in the truck which I'm fine with because road time is a good time to just sit and chat. There are no chores to be done or a house to keep clean out here, it just good quality time with the one's you love. Watching him work makes me realize how hard he works everyday for our family to keep us going and to provide us with the things we need. Not to mention I get to see him looking sexy in his hardhat. He's such a handsome man and I feel truly blessed to be his girlfriend! I've never gotten the chance to come out here and experience this because we've always had Brooke so why not. It seemed fitting right! There's a right time for every experience in our lives! He works in the heat and sometimes he tells me that it's hot outside or something but never does he complain, NEVER! Like I said I'm truly blessed with a wonderful man like him in our lives. Everyone deserves something good in their lives and I'm blessed to have two wonderful things. I've been blessed with the most amazing daughter and with a wonderful boyfriend. Two of those things I couldn't be more thankful for! It's been an amazing ride.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Happy Father's Day!
First of all let me say Happy Father's Day to all of those men who are lucky enough to be called Father's on this day! Some take it seriously and some do not!
I'm spending my first Father's day away from my Dad and it's been kind of hard. I realize that I've had 25 of the best years of my life with that man, but I do have my own family now. I miss him being there for me a lot of times. I'm so happy to celebrate Father's day with Colby this year and he has taken it awesomely.
My dad has never failed me, he has always been there for me no matter what and I hope that I was there for him when he had cancer. I can only hope that he thought the same thing as he layed in that hospital bed and had his two daughters surrounding him at all times! He has been my hero for much of my life, and I couldn't be more proud of the dad he has been. Now that's not to say that we haven't had rough tough times as most children and their dad's do, but it's been a fun ride. But I'm all grown up now!
I'm spending my first Father's day away from my Dad and it's been kind of hard. I realize that I've had 25 of the best years of my life with that man, but I do have my own family now. I miss him being there for me a lot of times. I'm so happy to celebrate Father's day with Colby this year and he has taken it awesomely.
My dad has never failed me, he has always been there for me no matter what and I hope that I was there for him when he had cancer. I can only hope that he thought the same thing as he layed in that hospital bed and had his two daughters surrounding him at all times! He has been my hero for much of my life, and I couldn't be more proud of the dad he has been. Now that's not to say that we haven't had rough tough times as most children and their dad's do, but it's been a fun ride. But I'm all grown up now!
Sunday, June 07, 2009
What do we know about love?
No one can tell you just exactly what love feels like, it's one of those things you have to experience for yourself. It's something that you feel with your heart, with every part of you! There are different kinds of love. There's that love that you have for your parents. The love that you have for your children, which is indescribable and happens almost the instant that you find out that you're going to be a parent. There's the kind of love that is shown to you through kind acts, whether it's your best friend being there or your sister. Then there's the love that you can't explain, that is shown to you when you find that person that you are supposed to spend the rest of your life with! I have found that, and yes I have written on it before however, he is out of town and the things he says and does are just proof to let me know that he really and truly does love me and care about me.
I can tell you this, because it's what I know. I appreciate Colby more than he'll ever know because he's gone right now. I didn't realize how much he really did around here, like the dishes, the laundry, help with Brooke...and many more. I have always appreciated the things he's done for us, I guess I just never really had the time to stop and think about it or to realize it. What an amazing thing he does, every morning he gets up and goes to work at 6:45 and sometimes doesn't get home until 8:45 in the evening, but he does it for his family, us. He does it because he loves us and he likes for us to have nice things. He never complains about how hot it was or how his arms are sunburnt or how much of an ass his boss really is. He does a lot for us, and I'm forever grateful to have him in our lives. How did we get so lucky to have a great man like him, love us unconditionally. It's the little things that show you just how much someone loves you.
I have to tell you this sweet little thing. One morning as we were leaving for the sitters and work, Brooke starting freaking out..."OMG mom someone wrote on our window." I just kept telling her to calm down nothing was going on and I was positive it was just the morning dew. As I rounded the corner and took a good look at my truck I noticed there on the drivers side window it was written "I love you! Colby" How sweet I thought, I snapped a picture before driving down the road made it all run down the window like a steady stream. It was awesome. I thought to myself. I'm a spoiled girl and somedays I really don't realize it. There are some mornings when I can't even say I love you before he beats me to it as he's running out the door. I enjoy his company, his laughs, his jokes, the way he looks at me and smiles, and the way he says, "I love you." That's what I know about love. It's a mighty powerful thing.
I can tell you this, because it's what I know. I appreciate Colby more than he'll ever know because he's gone right now. I didn't realize how much he really did around here, like the dishes, the laundry, help with Brooke...and many more. I have always appreciated the things he's done for us, I guess I just never really had the time to stop and think about it or to realize it. What an amazing thing he does, every morning he gets up and goes to work at 6:45 and sometimes doesn't get home until 8:45 in the evening, but he does it for his family, us. He does it because he loves us and he likes for us to have nice things. He never complains about how hot it was or how his arms are sunburnt or how much of an ass his boss really is. He does a lot for us, and I'm forever grateful to have him in our lives. How did we get so lucky to have a great man like him, love us unconditionally. It's the little things that show you just how much someone loves you.
I have to tell you this sweet little thing. One morning as we were leaving for the sitters and work, Brooke starting freaking out..."OMG mom someone wrote on our window." I just kept telling her to calm down nothing was going on and I was positive it was just the morning dew. As I rounded the corner and took a good look at my truck I noticed there on the drivers side window it was written "I love you! Colby" How sweet I thought, I snapped a picture before driving down the road made it all run down the window like a steady stream. It was awesome. I thought to myself. I'm a spoiled girl and somedays I really don't realize it. There are some mornings when I can't even say I love you before he beats me to it as he's running out the door. I enjoy his company, his laughs, his jokes, the way he looks at me and smiles, and the way he says, "I love you." That's what I know about love. It's a mighty powerful thing.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Where oh where did I go?
Did you miss me while I was gone? Of course not because no one reads this damn thing anyway. However for those of you who MIGHT, here's what I've been up to lately...hmmm...where do I begin.
The beginning of April we had Brooke's birthday party, which was tons of fun, at this place called Jumping Party here in town. For those of you who don't know it's this building filled with tons of jumpers and they are super cool. You get to jump for like 1.25 hours and then you get a party room complete with you're own "attendant" as you will for the last 45 minutes. It was fun and she is officially FIVE years old. Where did all that time go and where have I been? I feel like I missed so very much of her growing up and it makes me sad. I was so busy trying to finish school to get us into a better financial situation. But I'm so glad that I did it. It definitely means better pay because I have a college degree. Anyway, here are some pictures from that.
Colby and I then began moving into our new two bedroom, two bath apartment which I absolutely love. Brooke loves having her own space and her own bathroom. It's great for her because she's never had something like that before. It's always been "our" bathroom and "our" bedroom. She's doing great, sleeping in her own bed everynight. It's so nice for her to be able to just slip away and go play. I know she can't be into anything too terribly bad because in there are her very own toys. It was so important in finding her a place where she could be. She likes to go in there in the evenings and just hang out and play. Or like tonight she told me she was sleepy so she went in her room and laid down. It's awesome.
I would like for you to meet "Dodge Ball"! She's a beauty and she is super fun to drive. It's our "family" vehicle and my daily driver. We traded in the saturn :( for this dude. We were becoming cramped and uncomfortable in that thing. I mean come on they are closing down the Saturn line anyway, and they stopped making that model of car some 5 years ago. I'd also had it for nearly eight years and when I drove it off the lot it had18 miles on it, and when I drove off in my new truck it had 136000 miles on it. I left it behind. It was time for her to go. She had a good life, she served an awesome perpose and she got me through some of the most difficult times in my life. However she was becoming more and more unreliable as the days, weeks, months and even years wore on. She's seen two wrecks, a new transmission, a new air condition, and lots of other new things. She had been through a lot however it was time for her to go. We couldn't get stuck without a vehicle.In moving I have also obtained a job here in Odessa which I'm very grateful for. It's ten minutes from home and I love it! I'm working for SMCO in Accounts Payable, which I'm taking over slowly but surely. Everyday I get more and more responsibility and I love it.
Well, I'm hoping to keep this a little more up to date. I'll post some pictures of Brooke playing t-ball later, maybe tomorrow.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Positivity - Negativity
I hate to cover up the post below which is filled with positivity with a post that is filled with so much negativity. However I must vent to the world of the unknown where no one seems to care but me, and when I get it off my chest I too will no longer give a rats ass about it either. Rest assured however that it is NOT about Colby, the LOVE OF MY LIFE!!!
I have tried my hardest to raise my daughter with as much positivity in her life as one can muster up. Yes, I too at times fail at showing this too her when I’m having a bad day or letting negativity get in my way. I sometimes am not the best example. Yet, no matter what I’m trying my hardest to show her these things. As a child I was not raised like this, in fact none of us were, at least not my middle sister and I. We were raised on these things right here, “You could always do better. You didn’t try hard enough. What were you thinking? That isn’t good enough.” You see those things came from my mom. Never a day in my life have I heard my mom tell me that I looked pretty or that I did something right. I was always wrong or could do better. I showed pigs for ten years and no matter how hard I got out there and showed it was not good enough for her. No matter how hard my sister tried to run in a cross country meet it was never good enough for mom. NEVER. I think we have spent most of our lives trying to please my mom. I give up. I’m done. I am who I am and its not because of her. If it weren’t for my dad saying these things, “You did a good job, the judge just wasn’t impressed, we’ll get them next time. Kourtney, you look pretty today. You know no matter what happens I’ll still be here for you. We’ll get through this, don’t you worry, you’ll be alright.” If it hadn’t have been for those things and that man in my life, where would I be? I suppose the better question is WHO would I be today? My mom always told us that she tried to build our self confidence or our self esteem, all the while she was tearing them down. But she didn’t get me. Yes, I was the skinny girl in high school who was too damn fat. I was not fat at all. Whose to say that you’re fat when you’re comfortable in your own skin.
Parenting is a learned behavior and if you wish to change it, YOU must break the cycle. As a kid I was abused and it still continues sometimes in front of my daughter to this day. My daughter has been witness to some of the same things as I witnessed when I was her age. However, this time I have the power to get up walk out of my parents house and take my daughter with me out of safety concerns for her. Have I done it, oh yes, many times. I calmly ask her to grab a few things and we leave. I have left because of my dad and I have left many times because of my mom, and I’ve even had to call out the Sherriff’s office on them. My dad is a very loving and caring man however as his age has progressed he becomes less tolerant of many things. One Christmas I was forced to leave my own home because my dad tried to hit me with Brooke standing right there. I was able to fight him off as he was weak because of the radiation he had been undergoing.
This is the cycle I have chosen to break. Yes, sometimes I don’t punish Brooke in the manner that she needs it and will many times walk away. I would rather do that than have her feel the way I feel today. I do not want her to experience those kinds of things. Now, the girl has an attitude and she comes by it honestly. I tell her everyday how much I love her and how much I care about her. I take her to do things. She loves to go to the drive-in so during sometimes on the weekends we go see a movie…it just depends what is playing. This is something that we both enjoy. We don’t eat dinner and we go early enough to get their good ole chicken strip dinner with many things, sit in the car and eat, and then during the intermission before the second movie starts is when we go in get candy and sit in the car and enjoy each others company. We sometimes have date nights, just the two of us. At Christmas we went to dinner at Texas Roadhouse, then went Christmas light looking. That was oh so much fun that night. I take her to expensive places and then sometimes we go to places likes Chic-fil-a so she can eat and play. Colby and I talked last night and no matter what my mom tries OUR children will know how much they are loved. They will never have to doubt our love for them. I often do, and a lot of times when I tell my mom I love her, it’s not the truth. I have doubted that for a long time. What mother tries to do harm to their children and let their anger get in the way? My mother, she has tried to hurt us to the point of no return more than once. Trying to kill me when I was 12, then trying to break my neck when I was 13. She has beat the shit out of my middle sister which scared my oldest sister to the point of sleeping beside her bed one night making sure my sister was going to make it through the night. Now I want you to know that my dad is not perfect in any way, shape, form or fashion. He stood by that evening and did nothing while my mom beat the shit out of his daughter. Those kids were not bore from my mom, they were created out of love by my dad his first wife. My mom took over the raising of them when she and my dad got married.
I would never allow Colby to do those things to my children and he would not allow it either. You are suppose to protect, nurture, and love your children never causing harm or bringing harm to them. Isn’t that was being a parent is all about? You would think.
I have tried my hardest to raise my daughter with as much positivity in her life as one can muster up. Yes, I too at times fail at showing this too her when I’m having a bad day or letting negativity get in my way. I sometimes am not the best example. Yet, no matter what I’m trying my hardest to show her these things. As a child I was not raised like this, in fact none of us were, at least not my middle sister and I. We were raised on these things right here, “You could always do better. You didn’t try hard enough. What were you thinking? That isn’t good enough.” You see those things came from my mom. Never a day in my life have I heard my mom tell me that I looked pretty or that I did something right. I was always wrong or could do better. I showed pigs for ten years and no matter how hard I got out there and showed it was not good enough for her. No matter how hard my sister tried to run in a cross country meet it was never good enough for mom. NEVER. I think we have spent most of our lives trying to please my mom. I give up. I’m done. I am who I am and its not because of her. If it weren’t for my dad saying these things, “You did a good job, the judge just wasn’t impressed, we’ll get them next time. Kourtney, you look pretty today. You know no matter what happens I’ll still be here for you. We’ll get through this, don’t you worry, you’ll be alright.” If it hadn’t have been for those things and that man in my life, where would I be? I suppose the better question is WHO would I be today? My mom always told us that she tried to build our self confidence or our self esteem, all the while she was tearing them down. But she didn’t get me. Yes, I was the skinny girl in high school who was too damn fat. I was not fat at all. Whose to say that you’re fat when you’re comfortable in your own skin.
Parenting is a learned behavior and if you wish to change it, YOU must break the cycle. As a kid I was abused and it still continues sometimes in front of my daughter to this day. My daughter has been witness to some of the same things as I witnessed when I was her age. However, this time I have the power to get up walk out of my parents house and take my daughter with me out of safety concerns for her. Have I done it, oh yes, many times. I calmly ask her to grab a few things and we leave. I have left because of my dad and I have left many times because of my mom, and I’ve even had to call out the Sherriff’s office on them. My dad is a very loving and caring man however as his age has progressed he becomes less tolerant of many things. One Christmas I was forced to leave my own home because my dad tried to hit me with Brooke standing right there. I was able to fight him off as he was weak because of the radiation he had been undergoing.
This is the cycle I have chosen to break. Yes, sometimes I don’t punish Brooke in the manner that she needs it and will many times walk away. I would rather do that than have her feel the way I feel today. I do not want her to experience those kinds of things. Now, the girl has an attitude and she comes by it honestly. I tell her everyday how much I love her and how much I care about her. I take her to do things. She loves to go to the drive-in so during sometimes on the weekends we go see a movie…it just depends what is playing. This is something that we both enjoy. We don’t eat dinner and we go early enough to get their good ole chicken strip dinner with many things, sit in the car and eat, and then during the intermission before the second movie starts is when we go in get candy and sit in the car and enjoy each others company. We sometimes have date nights, just the two of us. At Christmas we went to dinner at Texas Roadhouse, then went Christmas light looking. That was oh so much fun that night. I take her to expensive places and then sometimes we go to places likes Chic-fil-a so she can eat and play. Colby and I talked last night and no matter what my mom tries OUR children will know how much they are loved. They will never have to doubt our love for them. I often do, and a lot of times when I tell my mom I love her, it’s not the truth. I have doubted that for a long time. What mother tries to do harm to their children and let their anger get in the way? My mother, she has tried to hurt us to the point of no return more than once. Trying to kill me when I was 12, then trying to break my neck when I was 13. She has beat the shit out of my middle sister which scared my oldest sister to the point of sleeping beside her bed one night making sure my sister was going to make it through the night. Now I want you to know that my dad is not perfect in any way, shape, form or fashion. He stood by that evening and did nothing while my mom beat the shit out of his daughter. Those kids were not bore from my mom, they were created out of love by my dad his first wife. My mom took over the raising of them when she and my dad got married.
I would never allow Colby to do those things to my children and he would not allow it either. You are suppose to protect, nurture, and love your children never causing harm or bringing harm to them. Isn’t that was being a parent is all about? You would think.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
I was made to love YOU and I do!!!
My love for you..
Is the most amazing love I have ever had for someone and the love I have felt in return is nothing I have ever experienced. It’s nice to love and be loved in return. Its just a simple favor of the heart but it can make us or break us. Spending the rest of my life with you is the ultimate sacrificial love. Sacrificing yourself to be with someone else is what I consider selflessness!!! How amazing. We’ve gone from loving ourselves to loving someone within us!!! I’m so excited with what’s going on in my life right now that I can not even stand it. I have found that love for someone else and been given it in return. I finally feel like I’m a complete being. God created someone just for ME to love and for that special someone to love ME!!! How can we even begin to comprehend that.
“And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.” Gen. 2:18 American KJV
How amazing that God would create someone in an earthly body that would be my help meet as well. How awesome is our God. He has created an abundant life filled of love, joy, and strength just for me. He has created Colby to love ME!!! I feel so blessed that we were able to work out our differences and talk about spending the rest of our lives together. He has shown me more than anyone how much he truly wants it!!! I love that man with all my heart and he’s showing me more and more every day how it feels to be so loved, and I’d consider myself pretty spoiled!! He shows me his love in so many ways, whether it’s a two minute phone call to say, hey what are you doing? It lets me know that he’s been thinking about me and wants to hear my voice, and then after every conversation he says, “I love you”!!! We can not hang up the phone until those words are spoken and usually if I try and say bye he says it really fast so that I have to respond!!! He calls me when he’s on the road, he calls when he’s busy, and sometimes he calls just because!!! He texts me all the time!!! I love that man with all my heart!! I have realized that it is not good for me to be alone either and in turn God created a man for me!! A man that would plant a seed in my heart so long ago, care for, and nurture it with showers of love to watch it grow into this amazing flower!! I have enjoyed watching Colby grow as well, grow to love two people and not just one. Plant a seed in two hearts!!!
Is the most amazing love I have ever had for someone and the love I have felt in return is nothing I have ever experienced. It’s nice to love and be loved in return. Its just a simple favor of the heart but it can make us or break us. Spending the rest of my life with you is the ultimate sacrificial love. Sacrificing yourself to be with someone else is what I consider selflessness!!! How amazing. We’ve gone from loving ourselves to loving someone within us!!! I’m so excited with what’s going on in my life right now that I can not even stand it. I have found that love for someone else and been given it in return. I finally feel like I’m a complete being. God created someone just for ME to love and for that special someone to love ME!!! How can we even begin to comprehend that.
“And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.” Gen. 2:18 American KJV
How amazing that God would create someone in an earthly body that would be my help meet as well. How awesome is our God. He has created an abundant life filled of love, joy, and strength just for me. He has created Colby to love ME!!! I feel so blessed that we were able to work out our differences and talk about spending the rest of our lives together. He has shown me more than anyone how much he truly wants it!!! I love that man with all my heart and he’s showing me more and more every day how it feels to be so loved, and I’d consider myself pretty spoiled!! He shows me his love in so many ways, whether it’s a two minute phone call to say, hey what are you doing? It lets me know that he’s been thinking about me and wants to hear my voice, and then after every conversation he says, “I love you”!!! We can not hang up the phone until those words are spoken and usually if I try and say bye he says it really fast so that I have to respond!!! He calls me when he’s on the road, he calls when he’s busy, and sometimes he calls just because!!! He texts me all the time!!! I love that man with all my heart!! I have realized that it is not good for me to be alone either and in turn God created a man for me!! A man that would plant a seed in my heart so long ago, care for, and nurture it with showers of love to watch it grow into this amazing flower!! I have enjoyed watching Colby grow as well, grow to love two people and not just one. Plant a seed in two hearts!!!
Thank you for watering, feeding, caring and nurturing my at first broken heart when I met you. You have grown to love me through the good times and the bad. The richer and poorer days and many of my bitchy moments. How could I possibly not love you for that. You are my life, you are my strength most days, and you along with Brooke are what I wake up for every morning!! You complete my soul, and every vessel of my body. You have made my heart whole and taught me how to love again, and I’m proud that someday I’ll be able to call you my husband.
I love you!
Sunday, February 08, 2009
hmmm...
things around here have been hectic and crazy.
Since I last blogged we've seen numerous amounts of doctors, dentists, and dermatologists....ummm..anyone seeing a trend, and they are all for BROOKE!!!
Yes, Brooke's asthma came up to bite us!! It's been a pain in my ass lately and I'm rather frustrated with it. She's had some teeth capped and refilled, due to the last dentists shotty work. Great. And now the dermatologist is mad beause her pediatrician didn't catch something before it got as bad as it did!!! Great!!!
I have turned 25....I'm a quarter of a century old and frankly I was not able to enjoy it as I was worshipping the porcelin gods the day before and really didn't feel for shit the day of my birthday. Just the way you want to spend it, holed up in your house sick. Not like it was an option because if the option had been there I would have been at home, however, it was not an option it was a must!!! No if, ands, or buts about it!!!
Since I last blogged we've seen numerous amounts of doctors, dentists, and dermatologists....ummm..anyone seeing a trend, and they are all for BROOKE!!!
Yes, Brooke's asthma came up to bite us!! It's been a pain in my ass lately and I'm rather frustrated with it. She's had some teeth capped and refilled, due to the last dentists shotty work. Great. And now the dermatologist is mad beause her pediatrician didn't catch something before it got as bad as it did!!! Great!!!
I have turned 25....I'm a quarter of a century old and frankly I was not able to enjoy it as I was worshipping the porcelin gods the day before and really didn't feel for shit the day of my birthday. Just the way you want to spend it, holed up in your house sick. Not like it was an option because if the option had been there I would have been at home, however, it was not an option it was a must!!! No if, ands, or buts about it!!!
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