One Day

Friends? What friends?

You would think that I had so many friends that I would have to divide time between. Think again as this was never the case. I feel as though growing up people just pretended to be my friends, especially when they wanted something. Why is it now that I don’t feel that they invite me to their showers or other get to gethers because they are my friend, but because they want gifts, or they want more people at their party than the other girl had at hers!!! I feel alone in this world and really feel that I have only a few “loyal” friends. Take Megan for instance. We have been best friends since the 1st grade. That’s 17 years!! WOOHOOO GO US!!! We have been through a lot and even though we are many miles apart we have not forgotten where it all started that day in first grade. And I have made a promise to myself and to my mom that I will not attend another wedding, wedding shower, or baby shower until one of my good friends has one or Megan decides to get married. Perhaps it’s because my parents weren’t willing to shell out their life savings on a $100.00 pair of jeans because it said GAP or the Buckle on the tag. Who really gives what your pants or shirt say. I was not popular nor was I liked, however I felt like I was always respectful and never gave anyone any reason not to like me. I was a loner all through school and those people who called me their friend then, definitely do not mean it now. I feel used!!! I told my mom how I felt about it, that people I think are just using us for our gifts and somehow feel obligated to invite me to their functions, however, I’m sick of going and being treated like shit. She cried with me because secretly inside I think she knew how I felt. I hope I’ve never displayed this myself. I have been invited to someone’s graduation on Saturday and I will attend like the loyal friend I am, because it is Megan, and I’ll buy her some expensive graduation gift, because even when I was a bitch to her, she never let me down. She stuck with me through the worst time in my life, so I thought, and hung on during my many mood swings. I love that girl to death, and there is nothing that can drive our friendship into the ground. We will remain loyal friends until the day that we’re dead, and for that I’m grateful. Go give her a shout on her page and tell her how proud of her you are. I CERTAINLY AM!! She’s my best friend, my lifesaver, and my sister from another mother. I’m proud to say that if I ever needed anything her family would be there for me just as they were throughout my pregnancy!! What a supportive family they are as well. I love them all, even that little turkey Lance, her brother!!!

WHY?

Why the hell have I been lied to and deceived for the past 6 weeks, because you weren’t sure if you really had cancer? I knew something was wrong that night when I walked through the door and you were all curled up in a blanket with your house robe on and mom just told me that you had a stomach bug, WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME THEN!!! Why did you wait? And now your lovely wife just doesn’t have a reason to get upset, well, I’m sorry that she doesn’t but I do!!! Oh how I despise that woman with all of my heart. I don’t have a bone in my body that likes her at all, and yet I call her mom. WHY have you both lied to me and my sisters for the past 6 weeks, but yet, when we hide information from you it becomes you lied to me shit. Why is it okay for you to do it knowing that you could have Cancer? Why didn’t you just tell us from the beginning so that we could prepare ourselves a little better, rather then finding out a week ago, what you’ve known all along? WHY?!

Easter Bunny Birthday

So yesterday not only did we celebrate Easter, but also Brooke's 3rd birthday. Yes, she is one year older and that much closer to starting school *tear tear* but also she got the coolest gifts ever. She got a little digital camera, it's fun!!! A picnic table, we like to picnic. A carseat for her baby, because she likes to strap them in my car and then people get all worried when they see a baby strapped in a car in the heat...hmmmm!!! A Hide N Seek Hayley, that is rather creepy with her creepy laugh!! And my favorite toy of all, a Fur Real Friend baby Piglet, who is amazigly actual size...who knew!!! We Easter egg hunted in the snow, and that was great fun!!! It was rather cold, but I new she'd enjoy it either way, so I bundled her up and off we went. The Easter bunny brought her this cool hatching egg thing, and this morning the shell was starting to crack!! Way cool, and by in the morning there should be a little chick coming out of it, if it isn't by the time we get home. Lots of candy, what would Easter be without candy?! We had Pablo cake, which hopefully I'll get some pics from my mom and you can see the amazing job my sister did on her cake!! GO SISTER!!! We had my niece and nephew over along with my sister for the Easter family get together that we do every year and have since who knows when. The only time we didn't do it was the year Brooke was born and that's because she was like three days old. I didn't really want any visitors, I'd had my fill at the hospital!!! Anyway, here's some pictures of the items she received!!! ENJOY!!! HOPE EVERYONE ELSE HAD A HOPPY EASTER!!!

Hmmm...

Why have I always felt let down by my mother? Why don't I feel like I can go talk to my mom about anything? Is it because she created this for herself many years ago? Perhaps. Perhaps, I don't know anything about being a parent anymore. All I know is that I come home to the best little welcome anyone could get, it doesn't matter if I've been gone 5 minutes, 5 hours or 5 days, she's still always really excited to see me. That makes my day more than anything. But on days like today, I would like to come home and tell my mom something or talk to her, interact with her someway, but it's not possible. She doesn't care what you have to say, she's not supportive and I can't remember a time when she was. Sometimes, I just want to come home and tell her something funny or sad that happened that day, but I can't because she just lets you talk on commercials or whatever, which really means that she doesn't care. But yet, when she comes home and wants to voice her opinions or talk about her day, we all have to sit down like in a circle indian style, and listen to her and pat her on the back. FOR ONE FREAKING DAY I'D JUST LIKE TO BE TOLD THAT IT'S ALL GOING TO BE OKAY!!! I want someone who will be willing to listen. I think I'm a good listener, and sometimes I like to give advice, but at least you know you can call me up and I'll listen.