Things.

Things are going rather well, except today has been exceptionally hard. I got a call at noon saying to come pick her up from daycare because she was having a "bad day"! So I went and got her from daycare and we went and ran a few errands. However, we get home and I get laundry started, dishes done, cleaned out my car, cooked dinner for Colby when he got home and I've taken Brooke swimming, we've both had baths, I still have to put away dinner and pack EVERYONE'S STUFF!! Why WHY WHY!!! I never asked Colby to be a father to Brooke, but damnit it'd be nice if when he got home he would help but he just came home and has done nothing but slept. I'm tired at the end of the day, but my day doesn't end until Brooke goes to bed, and then THERE'S STILL MORE TO BE DONE!! I'm frustrated and I shouldn't say anything so I'm writing this. Brooke has been rather challenging this evening and all he can say is that he's going to bust her butt because she's interupting his sleep. I don't think so. I've dealt with it all most of the day, and I still went to HEB and got some things that we needed!! I've done every bit of laundry that needed to be done. EVERY BIT OF IT. Washed, dried, folded, hung. Whatever needed to be done, I've done it. I would really like to drop Brooke off with my mom tomorrow and go to Amarillo to the family reunion by myself. BY MYSELF. I hope that he heard that when I said it to her earlier. I love her to death, but when do I get to lay in bed and just sleep from the time I get home until everything else. This blog won't be around long, so read away and comment away. I don't know what to do. I didn't know I'd be the good little housewife.

We are like a carrot?

I read this book to Brooke it's simple and I love it. It's called "The Carrot Seed"

I shall recite it for you to get the bigger picture.



"A little boy planted a carrot seed.

His mother said, "I'm afraid it won't come up."

His father said, "I'm afraid it won't come up."

And his big brother said, "It won't come up."

Every day the little boy pulled up the weeds around the seed and sprinkled the ground with water.

But nothing came up.

And nothing came up.

Everyone kept saying it wouldn't come up.

But he still pulled up the weeds around it every day and sprinkled the ground with water.

And then, one day,

a carrot came up

just as the little boy had known it would."



Now you ask how are we like carrots? Because it only takes one little seed in our lives to be planted and for someone to care and nurture it despite everyone's negativity. All that little boy did was take care of that little seed, and guess what despite what everyone said, that carrot seed grew! That little boy must've been proud. I suppose that's how parents are. You plant a seed in your child and the more you nurture it and care for it the more it grows, and it's so excited to see your children grow. It's exciting to watch that little seed turn into something amazing. I suppose it could be the same in a relationship. The more you nurture and care for it the more it grows, when you stop doing those things, the relationship stops growing and becomes stale. Much like a seed that no one took care of. What if that little boy gave up? He wouldn't have proven his parents wrong and I'm sure he wouldn't be proud of those things either. What if we gave up on our children or a relationship with someone we care very deeply for? Our children would amount to nothing and we would never have a quality relationship. Many of us would have never found a soul mate, a husband, a fiance, or a boyfriend. We would have nothing! That dear friends is how we are much like carrots!

Success!

What is success?  What do we define as successful?  Our personal goals that have been achieved and accomplished.  I have succeeded and no longer talk about that thing that I was starting over from... Since that post I have remained true to myself and to who I am, not letting my past and the unfortunate events of part of my childhood become who I am.  I have remembered that while it's still a part of my past and always will be I can not let it define who I am and who I want to be. 

Now today I must conquer something else, and it does not define who I am or who I want to be.  Something that saddens me when I think about it.  He's only been gone a year on October 15th and I'd almost forgotten until I looked at a calendar and on that day there is a little note about how James went to be with God.  Is that a day I will never forget, yes!  It is a day that is forever etched into my brain.  A day that some of us will have vivid memories of for the rest of our lives.  I can't almost paint the picture for you to this day, seeing him hooked up to all those tubes.  That is something I never want to see again.  It's so hard because still to this day when I call my aunt I want to ask how my uncle is doing, how work is going, how he is enjoying retirement!  I have to constantly remind myself that I can not do that.  I see things and I remember him.  I talk about my drafting career and think about how much we had in common as he was the City Engineer in Midland!  I sometimes think, man if he were here I could ask him about some things! 

I truly miss him and always will, maybe this year in celebration of his life, Brooke and I will let a bunch of balloons go..perhaps one for each year I knew him...lets see...25 ballons!