Missing You

I have discovered the love of Diamond Painting. If you're unsure of what this is, let me explain. You order either a custom or pre-printed design.  It's printed on canvas, with tiny little boxes that have a number, letter or symbol. Then a layer of sticky stuff. You peel back a little section of paper to reveal the sticky part, and then place little tiny squares, diamonds, onto the sticky stuff in their corresponding boxes.  Each symbol, letter, or number corresponds with a certain color of diamond. It's super time consuming but so much fun.

I completed my first one about a month ago, and it took me a while to do. A little at a time is all I really had time for.  At the time I ordered the downtown Houston skyline diamond painting, I also ordered a custom of our Cowgirl.  I used the first diamond painting to learn the do's and don'ts of this process.  I screwed up multiple times along the way, but now I know what not do to.

Downtown Houston skyline

So I finished the Houston skyline, and thought, man priorities.  You know, that stuff we call adulting. I set a goal for myself, get my bedroom in some kind of order and then start on the one of Cowgirl. So in an efficient manner I started on my bedroom, doing a section of my room a day.  It was more like spring cleaning in the summer time and deep cleaning at that.  I ordered things off of Amazon to help me complete my task.

Finally, I was finished with our bedroom after a week.  No, it wasn't that bad, I just didn't rush it and did a section at a time.  Our bedroom/bathroom/closet is bigger than our first apartment was 12 years ago, which was only 400 square feet.  "I finally did it" I thought to myself, and then realized that I could finally sit down and devote some time to the diamond painting of our precious Cowgirl.

The picture I sent in for the custom diamond
painting I'm currently working on. Our Cowgirl
on her first birthday. 

If you don't know her story, I posted about it last year.  She died last June at the age of 9.5.  She was our first dog as a couple, first family pet, first Blue Heeler, and first dog love.  She was loyal to a fault. She was a no nonsense kind of dog.  She was Stephen's protector and they had a close bond.  She was Colby's dog, but she loved us all.  She came down with mammary cancer a year prior to her passing.  The vet said that it would spread, but only time would tell, two weeks later it was back in full force and with a vengeance.  We opted not to put her through more surgeries, because the first one was really hard on her.  We knew her time was limited, but we made the best of it for her.  We gave her extra loves, we pampered her extra hard, and we loved her down to the very last breath. She started having trouble breathing, so on Wednesday I took her to the vet to see how much time she had left with us.  His outlook was not great, so we scheduled a date to end her suffering for that Friday. That would give us all time to say goodbye, and get our last minute loves and hugs in with her. The next day, Thursday, she decided it was time to go.

Cowgirl laid down in the living room floor and took her final breath and to Heaven she went.  It sucked, it was so hard, and we still mourn her passing today.  Those first days without them are the worst.  We'd cry ourselves to sleep, we'd wake up crying, and we'd cry all day long. We had her cremated and within a few long days she was back home with us where she belonged.  I think of her and mourn her daily.  Our lives are so incomplete without her. Those firsts were hard, her first birthday in heaven, our first Christmas without her, and that first anniversary of her death. She left behind two Red Heeler siblings, Sheriff Ringo, Ruby, and her best friend Rufus Kitty.

Today, as I'm working on my diamond painting of her, I rush.  I rush to get to her face because just to be able to see it and touch it would be amazing.  No, it's not the same, and I do sound a little crazy, but what I'd give to have one more day with her.  I didn't make it to her face, I only completed part of an ear before I had to stop.  My mind is tired, my body is exhausted, and I didn't want to spill any diamonds.  They are not fun to pick up and they go everywhere.

Cowgirl, I don't know how we ever lived without you in the beginning, and some days I don't know how we are living without you here now.  I saw a Cardinal playing in the water the other day, and I wondered if it was you coming to visit us.  I know your pain and suffering is gone, and I'm honestly happy about that, but I wish we could've healed you here on earth. Please keep watch over Daddy, I know he misses you, but he doesn't express it very well. Love you, be a good girl.