NEW BABY NEWS!!

So I found out that my sister is going to have her baby on Friday. Which I’m excited for her, even though she said she was NEVER getting married, and NEVER having kids. Well now this is her third. I have a few mixed emotions over this deal. I’m hurt, because she has not treated me like a sister in a very long time. I’m excited for her because she is so good with kids. Perhaps it’s the part of her partially raising me. I hurt for my dad because that is his daughter and he genuinely cares about his kids, but he has a really hard time showing it sometimes with my mom around. She has controlled and manipulated him for quite some time now, and I’m sure that’s why they are married now. She conned him into asking her to get away from her family. Anyway, enough on my mother, that’s for another post. I’ve been stuck in the middle of this family feud for a really long time and I’m ready to get away from it. I told my sister when I was pregnant that I wanted to have a relationship with her, and I wanted it to be a sisterly one. Yet, not once did I find myself calling her to ask her about being pregnant or things I was experiencing. I did call to tell her that I was having a girl. My sister Celeste was my confidante, my sister, my best friend during all of this, and yet, and I didn’t feel that I could count on my oldest sister to be there. I’m tired of living like this. I’m tired of living in fear that if I talk to my oldest sister, or my grandmother or any of my dad’s family, I’ll be exiled. I’m tired of living in fear that if I decide that the Catholic Church is not for me, I’ll be crucified. I’m tired of living in fear of my mother. I’M TIRED. I’m giving you up mom, if you don’t like my decisions in life, so be it. You haven’t made the best one’s either.

Tuesdie I’m happy for you, and now that I’m older I would like to start building a better relationship with you. I want Brooke to know her cousins, her Aunt Tuesdie, and her Uncle Cody. I want her to know that there is other family out there just besides her Aunt Celeste, Lyndsey, Zachary, Uncle Chris, and Meme and Poppi. I want these things for her and so much more. I want to get to know my three nieces, and I want them to know their Aunt Kourtney. I WANT A BETTER LIFE FOR MYSELF AND FOR MY FAMILY.