Where does the time go?

I sit here at my grandmothers usually everyday for lunch and while sometimes she's already napped sometimes I get to have good conversations with her. Sometimes we talk about the good old days and other times the only one we have is her telling me about someone that has died. I realize that these are all a sign of her age. They are rather sad signs.

I decided to look out the backdoor today. Here in west Texas its windy but still a beautiful day. I looked into the backyard and could almost see the beautiful green grass and all her flowers. I was taken back in time a bit. There was one a green swing out here underneath this tree, but it is now just a memory. That swing is now gone. The flowers are gone and replaced with flower shaped pinwheels. The grass is no longer green and kept, it is now brown an covered with leaves. As a child and part of my teenage years I spent a lot of time over here swinging, planting flowers or raking the leaves. My youth is gone but is much retained and somedays I still act like one. I'm getting older and looking back on my childhood more and more. Those are memories each of us must keep alive. Memories of days long gone, but thinking or talking about them always makes you smile. My grandmothers youth has been sucked from her gradually fading over time. That mind is still sharp sometimes bit she is unable to do the things she once loved. Gardening was her passion, now she's lucky of she gets up an tends to the dishes. She would garden, maintain the yard, even mow it herself. In the last few years we've seen the decline in my grandmother. I've witnessed her health fail, her mind going, an now we are regressing to the childlike state. My mom tells me that while she and Brooke are a lot alike we see Brooke growing and maturing and my grandmother is doing the opposite. It is very sad. There are somedays I leave here with my heart full of happiness and other days where it is broken. I never know what each day with bring for the two of us or what kind of adventure we'll have, but I hope that when I leave everyday she knows how much I love her.


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