Thursday, June 23, 2016

Dear Crohn's,

Thanks for stealing my life and everyone involved in it. You see I no longer get time by myself because for some reason my husband is always too sick to watch our 4.5 year old so I can get away! It never fails, I can plan things for days in advance but it doesn't matter. I'm so sick of you! I don't even know what to do with myself anymore. I guess I should just give up all hope for getting much needed me time! In 5 years I won't even know what that is anymore! 

I'm experiencing caregivers fatigue! You see I not only take care of a 4.5 year old energetic little boy all day but most days I take care of a 33 year old man and our son! I'm beat, I'm worn, I'm tired, I'm depressed, and so much more. Half of the time I don't want to leave the house because I'm so damn depressed and frustrated. It's hard on our family to have one man down 80% of the time. It's a struggle for me because I'm always caring for Stephen. It's a struggle for Stephen because he doesn't understand why his daddy can't always play with him. It's a struggle for Colby because he feels so helpless in this fight! My family is super affected by this! If for one moment anyone ever thinks that someone's chronic illness doesn't affect everyone around them, you are WRONG! Everyone is left feeling helpless while trying to help the sick one cope! 

Crohn's, if I ever meet you in a dark alley somewhere, please know you will not live to tell anyone about my wrath! Beware Crohn's, we are coming for you and you will be DEFEATED! 

Wednesday, June 15, 2016

Life and Love

I love the life I live, being able to stay at home with our son and be with Colby when he needs me.  This last week he's really needed me.  He was hospitalized last Thursday and was released today.  From Thursday to Sunday everything seemed to be going ok, he was going to be set free from the bed on Sunday to come home and join his family.  In 30 minutes so many things went wrong and suddenly I found myself following an ambulance to our old home town doing 96 mph.  My husband called me in tears and he needed me at that very moment, he was scared.  Talk of him having heart problems had us all scared out of our minds, yet Stephen in his innocence had no idea why we were all bawling.  Today I relive that day as I drive him home from a 3 day stay at the hospital in Odessa.  I'm grieving, not because he's gone, but because of all he's had to go through.  He's had so many tests done that it's unreal, and it all could've been prevented.

We are glad to be home, with our family, and our pets.  Stephen is happy to be home.  He had a wonderful time with my sister, Aunt Sparkle, and got to enjoy his little life just being worry free.  It was good for him to have some Sparkle time!! She's good to him and loves him a lot.  She and I are very close so it's good that she and him are close as well.  I have not many words to this story, because all I want to do is cry.  Not cry because I'm sad, but cry because it's all over and I can finally take a huge breath!  I need to breathe.  I need to enjoy life with my husband and son because in the blink of an eye it could all be gone!!!

I'm just so thankful that we had friends and family to surround us with God's loving words and prayers.  God is good all the time!!!