Sunday, October 07, 2007


There are so many things going on in my life right now I don't even know which way to go. I'm busy with work, school, and my lovely three year old daughter Brooke. I'm working 40 hour weeks, going to school 15+ and managing to find time for Brooke. It's really hard to juggle it all, but it's something I've got to learn to do. I'll be done with school next May, so that will be a HUGE relief.

My best friend got married last night, Toya. We have been super close since we were two and at what point our paths began to go different directions I'm not really sure. My real best friend Callie came into town from LA to go to the wedding, and we had a blast. We're really not sure why we weren't at Toya's side and why someone else was. That is a question I will forever ask myself. We pondered that on the way to one of the bars called The Ranch. We had a lot of fun, as we weren't really ready to say goodnight to one another as she left back to California this evening.

When I got pregnant I lost a lot of friends and I have to say that the only one who has really stuck by my side besides Megan, and Layne is Callie. We can call each other one week and not talk again until two weeks later, but it's like we haven't missed a beat when we talk. It's amazing, and I love that girl. I made a promise to her that if I EVER get married I want her standing next to me, because she has never given up on me no matter what. We have done a lot of stupid shit together, and we are okay with that.

Going to this wedding just seemed like a high school reunion where you see all the people you really didn't care to see, because the people you really care about you keep in touch with anyway. That's what this feels like. I also sometimes feel that people just use my family so that they can get gifts or say that they had this many people at their wedding. I'm not going to invite everyone and their dog, just the people who matter the most to me, Callie, Layne, and Megan, and of course my family. I just don't see the need in inviting the people who treated you like shit to begin with to an event where you shouldn't have to worry about fake people. I just can't bring myself to do it, and the next wedding I'm invited to I'm going to think LONG AND HARD about whether or not it's worth torturing myself over. That's exactly what it is. I did see some people I haven't seen in a long time and that felt good to kind of catch up, but I know I also saw some people who weren't even worth shitting on back then either.

I just think that as we age and we encounter speed bumps in our lives, the people that really matter the most are there to pick us up, dust us off and get moving in the right directions again. I think it's important to have those friendships, that no matter how long it's been since you've seen them, it's like they were never gone.