Thursday, December 30, 2010

The New Year!!!

I'm ready for the New Year!  What does that mean?  I'm not entirely sure.  I can tell you that when 2010 rolled around I said, "I'm so ready for a New Year and a New Start!!!"  We can always start new at any time of the year, why do we have to wait until the New Year?  I was thinking about this today.  I just happen to be professing my faith in January of 2011, but 2010 was good to me.  I'm so excited that I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior.  So I can not sit here and say that I'm getting a fresh start in 2011 because I would be lying.  My fresh start happened 1 week ago today, which I was totally excited about.  We don't have to wait for the next year to roll around to make things happen, we can make them happen at anytime.  Yes, I know that 2011 will bring great things just like 2010 did, but it's never too late to make a fresh start. 

So today I recap what 2010 brought me and my family!

In January Colby and I started talking again, which was awesome.  Some things happened and it was quickly over again.  We began getting back into church again.  I spent a lot of time with my sister at this point.  Brooke was not doing very well in her new school!  Of course she had only been there a couple of months at this point.  I also got me a new job at an electrical supply warehouse.

February - Colby and I were on the fritz but things would soon be mended when he sent me Valentine's Day roses.  They are still in their vase and dried sitting on my night stand.  Even though the roses themselves are dead they symbolize one man's love for me! :)  I also celebrated 26 years of life with a wonderful boss.

March - I'm not sure what happened here but I'm sure I spent plenty of time with Colby.

April - we celebrated Brooke's 6th year of life and it was awesome.  She's such a blessing in my life.  We also celebrated Christ's return.

May - Colby went and watched his cousin get his wings in Oklahoma, while I watched Brooke graduate from Kindergarten.  I was a proud mom and one that felt very sad that my baby was growing up.

June - by this point I had lost 46 pounds and was feeling better than ever.  For once I could run and walk with ease.  What a great feeling that was.

July - We celebrated July 4th here at the house probably watching a movie with Brooke.  I also made the toughest decision as a mother and that was something I had to do for my child.  My daughter went to go live with my sister while I get my life straighted out and get on my feet.  We also started going to a new church.

August - I registered to go back to school, 8 hours.  I thought I was going to die.  I was still working at the same ole place as I was in January, except things were starting to get bad there.  My hours were being cut and some other suspicious things began happening.  Brooke started her 1st grade year.  It was a sad day for one momma.  I suddenly began realizing how OLD I was!

September - School was going good, just busy as ever. There were many tests and many bummed moments when I would find out my test grades.  I tried to spend as much time with Brooke as I could, but sometimes it was really hard.  She began to understand what was going on, and why I was doing this FOR her. 

October - School was getting tougher, my grades were starting to improve and things were getting better all around.

November - There was good news all around.  I was looking forward to Thanksgiving, although it would definitely be one like no other.  Brooke would be spending her first holiday with her dad and away from me. It really did suck, but what do you do?  I also started a new job doing the same thing I was at the old place just at somewhere new.  I love it there even still!

December -  School finally was over for the semester and I walked away feeling more confident than ever.  I proved to myself that I could do it even at my age and some years of not having been in school.  Two A's and one B and I was happy with it all.  It was tough but I wouldn't have traded it for the world.  I also had an amazing meeting with a very awesome guy at the church.  On that night I would give myself fully to Christ.  I accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior and was told that I would be baptized sometime during the first of January.  I'm totally excited.  This has brought Colby and I very close, realizing that this is a road that we would like to walk together.

I'm looking forward to registering for school in January along with a lot of amazing things that I know will happen in the year 2011!  I pray that you have a very Blessed and Happy New Year!

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Jesus sat with me!

I'm experiencing some trials right now that we all go through when walking a Christian path.  There will always be obstacles to overcome, fears to be had, and many tears that are shed along the way!  Tonight as I drove home I began talking, but who was I talking to.  I had no visible passenger, it was just me and my radio going down the road in my big ole truck.  I have 5 available seats in that truck and the passenger seat was occupied by a very special man.  His name is Jesus.  I was just talking away and all of a sudden I felt this great presence in my truck.  At one time I had no idea how I was getting home because I was just talking away.  He was listening the whole time and comforting me more importantly.  I looked over and though I could not see him smiling at me, feeling his presence was all I needed to know that he was listening.  I expressed my fears, concerns, doubts, sadness and many other things.  There were many tears shed in my truck on my drive home.  I'm glad it wasn't in the daytime because people would've thought I was crazy.  Oh I'm crazy all right, but not in a bad way.  I'm walking a new path and though sometimes I have to be reminded it's easier to sit and say, I'm a Christian and I should not do that.  I'm now comforted by the things that I expressed this evening.  I let go and let God.  It's not always easy, but if you don't do it you become a ticking time bomb just waiting to go off.  Those are things I no longer need to hold onto.  

In blogging my experience I hope to let you into the New Kourtney, with a better outlook in life.  A more Christian attitude and a whole new spirit.  I'm a Child of God and how amazing is that.  I've been saved by the blood of Christ.  God gave HIS one and only begotten Son so that I could have the things I have today.  So often we get caught up in the material things and forget why we have those things.  We tend to forget that if it had not  been for Jesus, we would not have anything we have today, we would have all been persecuted long ago.  Thank you God for sending your Son to die on the cross for MY sins for the rest of my life.  

I propose to call this blog something else, Starting Anew says it all, but it would not be new and improved if I kept it.  I will figure something out!

Goodnight and God Bless!

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Where does the time go?

I sit here at my grandmothers usually everyday for lunch and while sometimes she's already napped sometimes I get to have good conversations with her. Sometimes we talk about the good old days and other times the only one we have is her telling me about someone that has died. I realize that these are all a sign of her age. They are rather sad signs.

I decided to look out the backdoor today. Here in west Texas its windy but still a beautiful day. I looked into the backyard and could almost see the beautiful green grass and all her flowers. I was taken back in time a bit. There was one a green swing out here underneath this tree, but it is now just a memory. That swing is now gone. The flowers are gone and replaced with flower shaped pinwheels. The grass is no longer green and kept, it is now brown an covered with leaves. As a child and part of my teenage years I spent a lot of time over here swinging, planting flowers or raking the leaves. My youth is gone but is much retained and somedays I still act like one. I'm getting older and looking back on my childhood more and more. Those are memories each of us must keep alive. Memories of days long gone, but thinking or talking about them always makes you smile. My grandmothers youth has been sucked from her gradually fading over time. That mind is still sharp sometimes bit she is unable to do the things she once loved. Gardening was her passion, now she's lucky of she gets up an tends to the dishes. She would garden, maintain the yard, even mow it herself. In the last few years we've seen the decline in my grandmother. I've witnessed her health fail, her mind going, an now we are regressing to the childlike state. My mom tells me that while she and Brooke are a lot alike we see Brooke growing and maturing and my grandmother is doing the opposite. It is very sad. There are somedays I leave here with my heart full of happiness and other days where it is broken. I never know what each day with bring for the two of us or what kind of adventure we'll have, but I hope that when I leave everyday she knows how much I love her.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Sunday, December 12, 2010

God has IMPECCABLE timing!

Man God has a perfect timing for everything in your life.  I must say He has impeccable timing.  I know that today in church I was supposed to sit in the 2nd row from the top in seat 8.  Why?  Because that's where he told me to plop down at.  I sit alone at church.  I'm not alone in that church, God is with me wherever I go.  The message today was amazing. Just what I needed to hear honestly.  And what has happened this evening has been amazing as well.  Today some of the things that we talked about were Peace.  Peace that surpasses all understanding.  What an amazing thing.  First we have to have Peace WITH God.  Then Peace OF God.  Lastly, Peace WITH EACH OTHER!  

The other thing he spoke about was how we have to forgive..that doesn't always mean forgetting but if we forgive then we have peace with that situation.  As some of you know my forgiveness to someone has never fully happened.  I say I forgive this person but I always take it back.  God did not die on the cross to forgive OUR sins only to take them back. He continually forgives, those Sins are long erased from our book of life, if we so choose that path.  Now its time to erase someone's sins from my book of life.  Reconciliation is one way of doing so. We reconcile relationships, friendships, marriages, and many other things.  I have reconciled one relationship with someone very special to me. Someone who I love so dearly.  Many will not agree and that is fine, they don't have to.  We want to be together, and we want Christ to be the CENTER of our relationship.  We are trying to control one too many things.  We are human but we need to let Christ do all of it.  If we keep Him the focus then the rest will just fall into place.  There we many things that have happened in order for us to lead up to this moment.  We dated people just to fill the void of each other.  Thinking we could try and replace each other with someone else.  It could never happen.  I always had him in the back of my mind.  Always wondered if he was trying to do the same.  Always yearning for a hug, a kiss, or something to say that everything was going to be okay.  It was never the same when I was with someone else.  I learned very quickly that you can not replace the one you love with someone else.  It does NOT happen.  This is a relationship that I hope stands the test of time.  So far it's been 3 years in 5 days.  I didn't know it was possible to love someone else for so incredibly long.  I love you! 

I have the need to reconcile a relationship that has been so hard on me for so long.  The relationship with my mom is one that I need to work on.  Do I want to?  Absolutely not, I'd like to put it off for another day, but it's something I need to do because she won't be here forever.  I have begun taking the steps to reconcile the relationship with my oldest sister.  It will take some time just like the one with my mom will, but I will do it. I do not like the conflict that is between mom and I.  I would so like for it to be different.  Unfortunately I have tried many times and get the same results, so why would I want to try again? She will not be around forever and I do not want something to happen to her and me have a hardened heart.  I do not want to have ill feelings against this woman forever.  This horrible relationship I've always had with her factors into a lot of things.  What kind of girlfriend I was and what kind of mom I had become.  I'm ready to turn those things around.  I want to be a better mom, and although I didn't have the greatest example, I have to be the best for Brooke.  I want to be the best girlfriend to my boyfriend, and someday the best wife.  I want to lead by example.  I can not go on living like this forever.  I can no longer carry these things around.  By forgiving her I have to work to reconcile and work to let those things go.  It will be hard and there will be many roadblocks, just because I know how the devil likes to stir the pot, but I will make it.  Maybe she feels the exact same way, but neither one of us knows where to begin.

Today I make a commitment to be a better mother, girlfriend, daughter, sister, aunt, friend, student, co-worker and more importantly a Soldier for Christ.

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Lt. Charles Joseph Margiotta

Today is September 11, 2010 and today is remembered in the hearts of many Americans. It's hard to believe that this attack on American soil happened nine years ago. It's amazing that for many of us where we were, who we were with, what we were doing, and what we may have been wearing is forever etched in our minds as we think about that day. As those planes crashed into many remembered building that one faitful day, I was at school. I was a senior in high school at Greenwood High School, and I can remember passing by one of the classrooms where one of our teachers stopped me and asked if I had heard. I obviously had not heard because I didn’t have a clue as to what was going on. He told me and that’s the moment it hit. Our country was under attack and who knew that it would continue for a long time. No one even saw it coming. We had a new President who was doing his best to run the country he believed in so much. The country that had offered him so much without expecting much in return. But more importantly, many of our freedoms were taken that day. I remember going to second period and sitting in there when someone mentioned that the Pentagon had been hit. It sank in, “the Pentagon” I screamed, my cousin worked in there on the very side that was hit. He had just walked out of the building when the plane hit, and he went back in to assist where he could. I worried for him for the day and I was sad until we heard he was okay. All of us had a family member that was affected by the attack this day.  It's all hit to close to home. 

Today is the day when we remember those who were lost, either by doing their jobs, or others trying to escape. It was a devastating blow to America as a whole and to the Americans that call this place home. America lost some of its finest, Police Officers, Firefighters, and other rescue workers. Those people gave their lives for others, which they were called to duty to do.

On this day I’m called to remember everyone, but someone I was chosen to remember. I can not find much on this fine man, but I’m sure he was married to a lovely lady who loved him very much as well, as he probably had children who loved him very much. His name is Lt. Charles Joseph Margiotta. He was 44, from New York, NY and he died trying to assist in the tragic event at the World Trade Center. Today we honor him for giving his life for others and doing it without even second guessing or hesitating. For this we honor you Lt. Margiotta. I’m sure you were New York’s finest, just out there doing your job. You probably impacted many lives and those people will be forever grateful.

I pray that on your journey home you were able to stand at the Pearly Gates of God’s Kingdom. Welcome home Lt.

Here is the Eulogy written for him by his brother Mike Margiotta:

According to Webster, "bravery" is defined as combining confidence with firm resolution in the presence of danger. "Courageous" however is more than brave! It adds a moral element. The courageous man steadily encounters perils to which he may be keenly sensitive at the call of duty. At no time do either of these definitions mention being fearless. Fearless is just the inability to recognize danger.

On September 11th, Chuck had fears…recognized them…called home…and then performed his job with Bravery and Courage; as did all our firefighters and police officers. We thank them all and love them all for being heroes every day.

I thought Chuck was a workaholic. If I told him I had 2 jobs…he would say, “What do you do with the rest of your time?” Chuck didn’t have a career…he had many careers. Along with the FDNY, private investigation and others, Chuck was also a substitute teacher working in the NYC Board of Ed. for 20 years.

They say you can’t mix business with pleasure. Chuck always found a way.

When Chuck was only 12 years old, I watched with amazement at his ability to juggle both. He went to Latourette golf course to fish for carp in one of the ponds. And I mean, literally standing in the pond. The pond was between a Tee off and a green. He would stand in the water fishing and then sell golfballs back to the golfers that didn’t clear the pond. Making money and fishing…Chuck’s perfect world.

Later in life, perhaps even surprising himself, Chuck turned into the perfect dad. His hobbies were planned around his family schedule. Soccer, softball, basketball, baseball…all came first. And not just seeing the games…oh no…Chuck coached his daughter and son in all the sports. Eventually Chuck took over as Director of basketball in this parish, St. Rita’s. His weekends were consumed with scheduling practices, games and tournaments. Through it all, Chuck still managed to plan family vacations, hunting and fishing trips with his buddies and lots of activities that would fulfill all his needs.

Chuck’s plate still wasn’t full. He lived one house away from his parents. He was a great son to his mother and father. He was the mule. Anything that involved a ladder or back breaking work was Chuck’s. Cleaning the gutters and plowing the neighborhood was his specialty. When the first snowflake fell, you knew it wouldn’t be long before you heard Chuck fire up the Toro snowplow! Then like kids looking for Santa’s sleigh on Christmas Eve, neighbors would run to their windows and throw up the sash. And what to their wondering eyes should appear but, Chuck with an orange hunting jump suit, smiling ear to ear.

Chuck was like a superhero to his kids. He was like a superhero to all of his family and friends. One can only imagine what he looked like through the eyes of his children, Norma Jean and Charlie. Chuck was larger than life. He was only 5’ 11”. He was not the 6 feet that he claimed he was. But when you met him, even if you looked down to him physically…you looked up to him in ways that you could not put your finger on. You left Chuck with a feeling that he was much bigger than he really was.

As tough as Chuck looked, and with as gruff a voice as he had, children always knew that he loved them. They instinctively knew he was their ally. And they were right. If he yelled at them for letting a game get a little out of hand, the children usually smiled or laughed. Then Chuck would laugh too, seeing himself in the kids.

Chuck's light shines in the eyes of his children, Norma Jean and Charlie, who look around in admiration at all the people here who loved their father. That light will shine brighter every day until it bursts like a super nova when we join him in heaven.

Chuck is up there now with all the other firefighters lost on September 11th, giving a lesson on how to grow tomatoes and zucchini. He knows he can’t be wrong because he is with Nani and Papa who taught him all about it.

He is up there having a pick up game of basketball against Jesus and the Apostles. Chuck calls his team the Underdogs. I’d like to introduce them to you now:

Starting at Forward…everyone who was too little to fight for themselves. At the other forward… everyone who in the latter years of life were stripped of their dignity and were unable to perform tasks we take for granted. At Right Guard…everyone Chuck loved that left this world before him. At left guard…everyone who ever misjudged Chuck's loyalty while on earth. And STARTING AT CENTER…a man who at only 5’11”, now stands taller than everyone because of the life he led, the traditions he held on to, the compassion he showed and the memories he left...Chuck Margiotta

I continue to research this Hero and upon doing so I found this:

When he left Staten Island to attend Brown University, Chuck Margiotta told classmates that he would return to New York to become a fireman. He did just that, serving 15 years in Harlem and then the last 4 with Ladder 85 in Staten Island.

He also became a substitute teacher. A private investigator. A coach of his children's soccer and basketball teams. And he was a member of the Screen Actors Guild, winning small roles in the movies "Frequency" and "Hannibal."

"He was usually the guy who got shot," said Steve Gallira, a friend since childhood. "Nobody knows when the guy slept. We don't think he did."

Early on Sept. 11, Mr. Margiotta, 44, was returning to Staten Island after filling in for another firefighter in Brooklyn. Once he heard the news of the attacks, he turned around, caught a ride with Rescue 5 near the Verrazano-Narrows Bridge and headed for the towers.

That was Chuck: all drive. Always doing the unexpected. Like becoming tight end for his high school football team when he could hardly catch a pass. Like saying unabashedly in the company of other men how he had done the right thing by marrying his wife, Norma. Mr. Gallira said, "I felt all this work he did, Chuck believed it was his obligation to life, to fill it up."

Profile published in THE NEW YORK TIMES on November 14, 2001.

To honor someone next year you can go to and sign up.

His family has also dedicateda website to him also that you can go check out pictures and other things on:

God Bless America!!! Stand Tall & Proud!!!!

Thursday, June 03, 2010

The new skinnier me!

You see that picture of my handsome boyfriend and I? Yes friends I still kinda look like that but I have lost 46 POUNDS! I've had to work hard for these last couple to go away, however I will make my goal of 50 plus more! Only time will tell! I'm excited that the fat Kourtney is gone and the skinny Kourtney is in!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Wednesday, June 02, 2010

Sadness Strikes Yet Another

Tonight I lay here listening to the police scanner for the town in which I live.  It's a nightly tradition that was started sometime ago while living with Colby, and it comforts me in some way.  I can not sleep while listening to the radio, but for some reason I can sleep with this going.  I don't really understand it either.  I usually listen to see if my cousin happens to be working that night and sometimes its pretty interesting.  I've heard him go on chases down alley's and you can hear him running and breathing...PRETTY COOL!  He's pretty cool himself.  My city is safe with him and a few others I know on the streets.  Except tonight it was no police chase or drug bust or anything like that.  There was a pedestrian hit on a busy street known as Wall Street.  Sadness filled the air when I heard the officer tell the dispatcher that they needed to call the JP it was a fatality.  Now mind you, Wall street is a 5 lane highway that during the day is impossible to walk or even think about running across, at night, the chances of you being seen by anyone is little to none.  Sad part is that he probably wasn't seen or even recognized before the poor unfortunate soul hit him.  Now, I would not like to be that other person in that car that will have to live with that for the rest of my life.  I did hear the officer say that he was unresponsive and there were massive amounts of blood coming from his head.  It's sad to know that a family is one family member less as of this evening. Seeing as this part of town is not a very good one...I can not speculate on where he was going or what business he was tending to, and will not post that here either, however, I can tell you that it may be very difficult for the family financially.  I will keep them in my prayers tonight.

Colby has been dealing with being the bearer of bad news the past couple of days as he's taken someone's position who is also no longer with us.  He's had to break the news of this gentleman's death to several suppliers, one of whom he said started crying.  I have to say that if I found out that one of our good customers had passed away like that, I'm sure I would have a melt down too.  I can only imagine.  I don't even want to think about it. 

I'm sure that the media is all over this by now and it will make the front page of my local newspaper, which is sad.  I can tell you that I was with that gentleman in prayer for the last moments of his life.  God Bless you Sir, and rest in peace.

Friday, May 21, 2010


According to death is defined as "the act of dying; the end of life; the total and permanent cessation of all the vital functions of an organism."  Now many say there are many forms of death, brain dead, or spiritual death. I have begun to realize that all three of these are death.  Death from God or death from life.  What has made me come to realize these things suddenly? So many deaths in my life.  Morbid as it may seem I check the obituaries every single day.  Not because I want to see who passed on to the Pearly Gates but I want to see who lived their life with Grace and poise.  Is it to say that those who have lengthy obituaries were loved or appreciated more, no, but maybe they made a greater impact in those lives that were written about. Their loved ones say kind words about their lives and their accomplishments.

What has really begun to drive this kind of thing home is that people that are my age and a little older are dying everyday, some who I know and some whom I do not. Either way it is always sad to see someone who has just begun to live their life simply lose it.  Whether it be a disease or a horrific car accident, it's sad either way.  It just makes me realize that as we start to get older we are beginning to lose those people around us, and how sad it is that they may never get to see their children get older or hold their first grandbaby.  I was speaking with someone the other day about how we go through life thinking that would never happen to us we would not start losing the people around us until we were at least 35.  WRONG! We have been losing the people around us all our lives, whether it be friends, family, or classmates.  When it's your grandmother you expect it a little more because you know that as she gets older she will begin to develop problems, many of which can not be cured or treated.  Your uncle going in for a hip replacement dies unexpectedly of a brain anuerism and that is a total shock to your system.  A classmate is being taken home from school by her boyfriend who blatenly runs a stop sign and kills her.  SCARED is what you become when you're 16 years old!  It never ends, death is immenant.  It's impossible to avoid and it's happening all the time.

Friday, March 26, 2010

My Cowgirl!

My puppy at work. She went to work with me today because her daddy was out of town. I love my cowgirl. She is very protective of her momma and its so awesome. I can not leave the room without her going crazy. She is always watching people. Shes not much of a barker but we had some guys come in one time that she did not like and she went to town. At one point i found her under my desk when this one guy came in. She had been just fine until he walked through our door. Then she was not leaving my side. She wanted to make sure her momma was safe!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Thursday, March 25, 2010


Im so excited that I can finally blog from anywhere and everywhere now! Hopefully you guys will hear a lot more out of me now! Since the last time we spoke I have lost 40 pounds and look better than ever honestly. I needed it severely. Now many people are curious as to what the secret is. Truthfully there is no secret. Its just been falling off and no, I have not been starving myself!