Monday, September 29, 2008

Oh the things I know...

There are a few things that I know because I've figured them out.

I know that my daughter is the best thing to happen to me. I love that little girl more than life itself.

I know that the Almighty Father is my very best friend and he has shown that to me soo much lately.

I know that God only gives you as much as you can handle. If He can bring you to it, He WILL bring you THROUGH it.

I know that I have the two most amazing sisters in the world.

I know that my boyfriend is the love of my life and I really hope it works out with him.

I know that if I'm not careful in the things I do and say, I will lose him forever, and frankly I don't want that.

I know that I have a co-worker that is a great friend and more motherly than my own mom can be sometimes. Thanks for letting me cry on your shoulder many times Sue.

I know that Colby's best friend just had the worlds cutest baby. Welcome to the world Draven Zane.

I know that without my very best friend Megan, my world would fall apart. For she has held me together like duct tape sometimes, and she's healed more open wounds than she'll ever know about.

I know that I'm thankful to have Colby in mine and Brooke's life. For that is man is her daddy.

I know that I'm grateful to have a Heavenly Father to love me so much and to comfort me through some super hard times.

I know that I'm blessed to have an earthly father who also loves me very much and can comfort me in ways that are impossible to others. Thanks for letting me be a 24 year old daddy's girl.

I know that the man I love is very wise and sometimes he says things that simply amaze me. I can not worry about the future but I can not change the past.

I know that as of TODAY my dad is CANCER FREE!!!!

I know that my neices and nephew are a bigger part of my life than somedays I care to admit. I'm so glad that I have the privaledge to be called AUNT Kourtney!!!

I know that I'm grateful for the people in my life and the things I have, because without the many life experiences I would have neither gained or lost any of them.

Friday, September 26, 2008

I surrender

Through everything that has been going on in my life, the chaos...I feel like there is peace. This has been my anthem through this whole ordeal.

It's time for me to breath in and LET GO. God will provide and he will take care of me and my family through all of it. It's taken a few weeks to get to this point, but everytime I hear this song, it reminds me that if He can bring us to it, He CAN and WILL bring us THROUGH it. Our God is an AWESOME God. He has been there for me more than I care to admit somedays. It's definitely time to re-evaluate who I really am. Time to find myself again. I had abandoned all that I had and I did it for a long time. I had grown further apart from my sister and my family and it caused a lot of tension a lot of ways. I had grown further apart from my main priority, Brooke. I had become closer to God each day, just thinking Him for the wonderful life I was living. But was it really wonderful? Not that living with Colby was a bad thing, but we weren't doing it for the right reasons. I love him very very very much. We are still together, still going to church. None of that is changing, but I've got to find myself again. He's creating so much chaos in my life but somehow there IS peace.

Its time to face up and clean up my heart, clean my heart from the cobwebs that have formed there over time, causing my heart to harden towards a lot of things. My heart is GOD's's time to clean up this old house. Time to make more room for Him again.

I surrender.

Lyrics to Whatever You're Doing (Something Heavenly) :
Sanctus Real

It's time for healing time to move on
It's time to fix what's been broken too long
Time make right what has been wrong
It's time to find my way to where I belong
There's a wave that's crashing over me
All I can do is surrender

Whatever you're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
but I'm giving in to something heavenly

Time for a milestone
Time to begin again
Revaluate who I really am
Am I doing everything to follow your will
or just climbing aimlessly over these hills
So show me what it is you want from me
I give everything I surrender...


Time to face up
Clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out
That I've wanted to say for so many years
Time to to release all my held back tears

Whatever you're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but I believe
You're up to something bigger than me
Larger than life something heavenly

Whatever you're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but now I can see
This something bigger than me
Larger than life something heavenly
Something heavenly

It's time to face up
Clean this old house
Time breathe in and let everything out

Friday, September 19, 2008


I am: a mom

I dream: of that magical walk down the aisle to that someone I love

I think: Brooke was sent to save me

I know: I can be a real bitch sometimes

I want: to know what the future has in store for me

I have: the most loving sister, dad, daughter, and Boyfriend

I wish: things wouldn’t have happened the way they did

I hate: when people don’t pick up their feet

I miss: Colby

I fear: that I might lose him for good

I feel: anxious, and I’m not sure why

I hear: the love in Brooke’s voice

I smell: like I just showered

I crave: sopapilla cheesecake

I search: for acceptance from my parents

I wonder: what HIS plans are next

I regret: taking Colby with me that one Sunday

I love: my daughter, my life, my family, and my boyfriend

I ache: for a kiss and a hug from the one I love

I care: for others, but often forget myself

I always: try to make it seem like mommy is okay when I’m really not

I am not: always right

I believe: in God and all things He created. I also believe that He has a plan for ME

I dance: wherever and whenever

I sing: at the top of my lungs

I cry: more than I should

I don’t always: things happen for a reason.

I fight: for what I believe in.

I write: when I need to get something off my chest.

I win: at being loved

I lose: my patience often

I never: thought I’d fall in love with a man who works in the oilfield

I confuse: myself more often than not

I listen: when I should

I can usually be found: at work, my sisters, or Colby’s, hardly ever at my parents

I am scared: of losing him

I need: to count my blessings more often

I am happy: about life

I desire: to be a better person

I hope: that things work out for us. If it’s in God’s plan it will.

Thanks Lou for something to write about today.

Thursday, September 18, 2008


I don't really like change and I don't really adapt all that well unless it's something that I'm adament or super comfortable about. This weekend I got the news that it wasn't going to work with Colby and I living together. Things had gotten really bad with my parents and it wasn't Colby or anyone else's fault but my own. I had allowed things to become super bad and standing up for myself and my family wasn't something I had learned to do at an early age because everytime I tried I just got shot down. It sucked. It was time. Somethings happened a couple of weekends ago that involved my parents, Colby, Brooke, and I. It was not good for her to be a witness to the things that happened to Mommy & Daddy!!!! I was baffled at the scene in my parents house, and I was so glad to go home. Now I'm home to my mom & dad's house. I don't want to be here, but this is what we felt needed to happen. I needed my mom & dad just like Colby needs his. Brooke needed to feel the love of her grandparents instead of the hostile environment that was frequent when we were all together. We felt this was a despirate attempt to salvage the relationship that we have. It's been great, living with someone else, however, I'd like to live on my own sometime soon. That is something I have yet to do in my young life.

I miss going home to somewhere that I can have fun and hang out with my friends. A place where Brooke has a couple of playmates for the evening. A place where I can go hide away if all isn't well in my world. It was "our" space. It wasn't all that big or fancy, but it was a place to call home. A place that was filled with love and you could feel it when you walked in the door.

I love Colby very much and although I haven't always agreed with what he's said or done, I still love him. I'm sure he hasn't agreed with my things either. I honestly and sincerely can say that I can't imagine him not being a part of my life forever. I love that man with all I have, and all I am. I have NEVER felt this way about anyone. He loves Brooke unconditionally and she loves him the same. She's excited about getting to spend some time with her Daddy and not seeing mommy & daddy crying this weekend. She's excited to go see him. When I first got the news I fought to stay, fought to try to make it work, but there were other plans in store. When we told Brooke that mommy & her would be moving back to Meme & Poppi's house, she cried. She didn't want her daddy to stay there. She wanted him to go with us. It was hard on Colby to fight not to make us go.

I love you Colby very much and I can't imagine my life without you in it. You are the most amazing man ever. I love you for WHO you are not what you are. I love sitting and playing with you or joking and cutting up, or just laying there talking when it's time to go to bed. Those are the things I miss. I miss coming home to your loving touch, and your sweet kisses. I miss you but this weekend is going to be INCREDIBLE!!! I love you very very very much!!!
Now isn't that man at the top just the most handsome thing. It doesn't matter if he's wearing his space glasses or wearing his hard hat!!! I love him!

Thursday, September 11, 2008

September 11, 2008

Today we remember the victims of a senseless tragedy on American soil. I choose to remember someone special today as I do every year. He was a dad, a husband, a brother, and a son. He is remembered by me on this special day. Please go visit my post about Lt. Charles Joseph Margiotta. Lets pay all these fine men and women who lost their lives a nice tribute today, because after all, it's their day.

I can tell you exactly where I was on this day 7 years ago. I was sitting in first period when I went to go collect attendance, one of my principals found me and asked if I had seen or heard about what was going on. I said no and he quickly filled me in. I can tell you exactly what I was wearing and how my hair was done. I remember all the small details about that day. I remember wondering if a family member was okay as he worked in the Pentagon. Come to find out he had just left minutes before the "plane" hit the pentagon. He went back inside to help get people out. Countless people lost their lives at the hands of others who were using America's resources and would eventually pay us back in the worst way ever.

Lets honor the people who lost that fight today. Make America proud.

To honor someone for many years to come if you wish to do so, go sign up at .

God Bless America!!! Stand Tall & Proud!!!!