Change...

I don't really like change and I don't really adapt all that well unless it's something that I'm adament or super comfortable about. This weekend I got the news that it wasn't going to work with Colby and I living together. Things had gotten really bad with my parents and it wasn't Colby or anyone else's fault but my own. I had allowed things to become super bad and standing up for myself and my family wasn't something I had learned to do at an early age because everytime I tried I just got shot down. It sucked. It was time. Somethings happened a couple of weekends ago that involved my parents, Colby, Brooke, and I. It was not good for her to be a witness to the things that happened to Mommy & Daddy!!!! I was baffled at the scene in my parents house, and I was so glad to go home. Now I'm home to my mom & dad's house. I don't want to be here, but this is what we felt needed to happen. I needed my mom & dad just like Colby needs his. Brooke needed to feel the love of her grandparents instead of the hostile environment that was frequent when we were all together. We felt this was a despirate attempt to salvage the relationship that we have. It's been great, living with someone else, however, I'd like to live on my own sometime soon. That is something I have yet to do in my young life.

I miss going home to somewhere that I can have fun and hang out with my friends. A place where Brooke has a couple of playmates for the evening. A place where I can go hide away if all isn't well in my world. It was "our" space. It wasn't all that big or fancy, but it was a place to call home. A place that was filled with love and you could feel it when you walked in the door.

I love Colby very much and although I haven't always agreed with what he's said or done, I still love him. I'm sure he hasn't agreed with my things either. I honestly and sincerely can say that I can't imagine him not being a part of my life forever. I love that man with all I have, and all I am. I have NEVER felt this way about anyone. He loves Brooke unconditionally and she loves him the same. She's excited about getting to spend some time with her Daddy and not seeing mommy & daddy crying this weekend. She's excited to go see him. When I first got the news I fought to stay, fought to try to make it work, but there were other plans in store. When we told Brooke that mommy & her would be moving back to Meme & Poppi's house, she cried. She didn't want her daddy to stay there. She wanted him to go with us. It was hard on Colby to fight not to make us go.

I love you Colby very much and I can't imagine my life without you in it. You are the most amazing man ever. I love you for WHO you are not what you are. I love sitting and playing with you or joking and cutting up, or just laying there talking when it's time to go to bed. Those are the things I miss. I miss coming home to your loving touch, and your sweet kisses. I miss you but this weekend is going to be INCREDIBLE!!! I love you very very very much!!!

Now isn't that man at the top just the most handsome thing. It doesn't matter if he's wearing his space glasses or wearing his hard hat!!! I love him!