Thankful

As I sit here alone in the dark while everyone is sleeping, I'm checking out Facebook. I know that one of my old high school friends has a son with Autism.  I check out her newsfeed to catch up on anything I might have missed and I see how involved her husband is. At that moment I am thankful for my happy healthy child. I know that God gives us different struggles in our children, I have seen that first hand. She is so patient with people and I know she must have that with her children as well. She's always been loving, caring and friendly to all those she comes in contact with. 

All of this took me back to almost 5 years ago when Colby and I were scared out of our minds. You see February 15th is a day I'll never forget, it's the day I found out I was pregnant. I was a mess, a huge puddle of a mess. I called Colby and told him we needed to talk, he said he could head home and we could talk or I could just tell him over the phone. I told him I was pregnant and he said "I knew that!" It was a shock to my system. We didn't know what we would do, all of our options came into play, each one of them eliminated over time until we came upon our only other option, to bring Stephen home. 

I think about those days often and when I see what other parents are going through with their children and the love they have for that very special blessing, I am thankful for the blessing God gave us. I have seen more of my classmates struggle with trying to have a baby while some of us will never know that struggle. I have seen classmates lose babies not long after they are born, yet I will never experience that pain first hand. They have handled it with more grace than I could ever imagine. God is working in my life everyday and it's during these times that I'm so thankful to have my children. 

As I was being a sad sack I heard "mommy, I need you!" coming from Stephen's room. God knew I needed to tell my little boy how thankful I am for him and how much I love and adore him.  I hope he never grows up and wonders if his parents love him. Tell your kids that everyday, multiple times a day, you can never say it too much. They may hate it when they get older but they will never doubt your love for them. 

My Dear Hubby

Today I'm at a loss for words and on the brink of tears. I'm tired of seeing my husband in so much pain and suffering. I pray everyday that God will heal him, I know my prayers are heard. He hears my cry for this to stop but yet He allows it to continue. He is working on us as a couple and as believers and we have barely noticed. I am drawing closer to Him. 

My husband has Crohn's disease which is an autoimmune disease. It's hard for him to live like this day after day wondering if what he eats will set it off. He's been in the worst flare ever since December 23rd with little relief. The Drs have finally gotten his meds all straightened out and I pray that we are on the road to remission. Only time will tell now that he's started the right meds. Colby has been on short term disability from his job since New Years Eve. I look at my husband many times a day but fail to notice a few things. I see a man who is worn, tired and has no strength to keep going sometimes, a man who sleeps more than the average person should. I see a man that keeps fighting for his family and doesn't give up, even when he really doesn't want to get out of bed. I looked at his hands a few moments ago and noticed how pale they are. It's not caused by the Crohn's but by the lack of life it has provided. He has not worked in several weeks which means those hard working hands of his have seen very little sun. He has no strength, no energy, and no drive to do much because of the constant pain in his belly. 

This disease doesn't only affect him, it affects our entire family. It affects how much time he spends with us because sometimes he goes days without leaving the comfort of our bed. There are days that we see him for a brief period of time and then it's back to bed for him. Stephen longs for his daddy but has come to understand this life we have. It's not easy on all of us and there are many days I cry when no one is around. Sometimes the nights are long because he's up and down all night due to this horrible disease, so he sleeps during the day and I sleep at nap time.  We do what we have to do to survive and make it.   It's not easy most of the time but with God by our side it's worth it. 

If your friend or loved one has a chronic illness please understand that it affects everyone around them. It affects where they go and how long they are gone. Their families are suffering as well. Please don't tell their family members or loved ones that they act out because they don't feel good. Yes, it does affect their actions and words sometimes, but we as a family have to live and deal with this illness. 

God will continue to see us through this difficult time!