Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Hold Me Together

I've been hearing this song on the radio lately, and it's really awesome.  We often wonder how someone who can not be seen can love us as much as Jesus does!  He gave His life for you and I!  What an awesome sacrifice!  I would sacrifice my life for my childrens!  We are all children of God and he sent his one and ONLY son for US!  But how can his love reach down to us?  I've learned that his love is reaching people one person at a time.  He puts people in our lives for reasons!  Reason's we do not understand, will not understand, and do not need to understand.  He's just too cool like that!  I'm going through a journey with some of the most awesome people by my side.  They are Godly people!  They are wonderful, amazing...oh I could go on!  They have chosen to walk a journey with Colby and I that neither one of us can understand.  The little miracle is just that, a miracle.  A creation of our Heavenly Father that I'm privaleged to carry for 9 months!  The little guy is living proof that God does exist!  I feel him moving all about in there and I wonder how people could not believe in God! 

In this song he says "Can your love reach down this far".  God's love can, remember those people in our lives that come in at just the right time?  Those are God's people doing His work, and showing us His love!  How awesome!  I'm learning this gradually!  It's been tough sometimes to believe that he could send such awesome people into our lives, and it always comes at just the right moment.  I've lost all support from most of my family, but who needs people who drag you down anyway!  I have God, Colby, my sister, and friends!  These Godly people have become my family.  They are the ones I know I can turn to when things are not right.  I can call them and cry because I do not feel well.  They are concerned with how the little guy is doing and how my health is doing.  The little guy is fine, but I'm having a few complications this go round.  It's not fun, but apparently its necessary.  For God does not give us more than we can handle!  He knows our breaking point! 

We have a God that can hold us together.  His love CAN reach down this far.  When we feel like we're falling apart He's holding our hearts!

Royal Tailor - Hold Me Together
From the album Black and White

Hello mercy
I have been searching for You lately
I've been wounded and from what I hear
You have the remedy

They told me You would be for me
so now I need to know
Is this a love that can save me
Or say you will then don't

Will You stay with me
When nobody is around
If this is real
Then tell me now

Can You hold me together
Can Your love reach down this far
Can You hold me together
'Cause without You holding my heart
I'm falling apart, falling apart

Saying so long, been lost, been gone
Not sure what to pray
It's not easy, but I know You see me
When I lose my way

I keep on floating not knowing
If there is more for me
Don't want to sink beneath
Waves of negativity

I'm going under,
I'm afraid I might drown
If this is real,
I need you now


I'm feeling stronger
With You by my side
And I realize You are my hope
And I need to know


Without You
I'm falling apart
Falling apart

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

The End Has Come!

I took my last final last night and wanted to depart for the semester with a few words...I mean paragraphs! :)  I have really enjoyed my lecture class!  My teacher was awesome.. a little scary at first but after you visit with her you find, she's pretty harmless, she just wants you to learn your stuff!  I'm sure I learned alright.. a lot more than I ever thought I'd need to know!  I'm actually a little sad because some people I won't see again for a while, they will go on without me while I stick to online classes for the fall semester!  A few of them I will keep in touch with and perhaps have lunch with them over the summer...here's to hoping!  I wanted to just say a little something about each person I've met on my journey for the Spring semester!

Mrs. Mertens - You're crazy!  I love that you have a passion to teach this stuff, and an even bigger passion for us to learn it.  I love how you sit and talk about life experiences and sometimes that helps me out!  I'm not gonna lie, you scared me at first after all I'd heard, but I'm passing along that you're not as scary as everyone makes you out to be.  Thanks for changing the tests during the last part of the semester, I probably would have never have made it! 

Kristin -  Thanks for being my "therapist"!  You're one funny, outspoken, honest and loveable girl!  I can't imagine not having you in my classes anymore and I'm so thankful we've become friends!  I'm so glad I could vent to you about whatever life is throwing my way and it's so odd how we feel the same about a lot of things!  Thanks for just being you!  I will come to your house warming party, I just can't get in the hot tub :(  But I'll be there for ya!

Jamie - Last semester I thought you were too snobby for words.  Then I kind of got to know you a little better.  It takes a lot of getting used to and you're someone who has to grow on people.  You grew on me, and then you got on my ever loving last nerve.  I don't find it acceptable to answer questions about someone else's personal life if the teacher asks them.  You've rubbed me the wrong way several times and you don't think about it.  You completely wear me out most class times!  I understand that you had a baby at 17 years old but that doesn't make you anymore special than someone who had one at 25.  It could have happened to any of us.  You need to quit worrying so much about your boyfriend and that darn cell phone of yours and grow up.  I understand it's hard having a 5 year old, but I've done it for almost 7 years and you've never heard me complain.  You're not special quit acting like it.

Maritza - OMG...you're such an awesome woman and I love sitting and talking with you.  I hope that you succeed in ALL you do!  You're son is adorable and I can't wait to get to know you a little more!  I hope to get together with you this summer.  Oh yes, and you're accent is AWESOME!  I'm sad that we can not continue on this journey together this fall, but we'll see each other more!  You're super smart and thanks for teaching me a lot!

SyBrooke - So I heard there is a little attitude within that needs to be unleashed every now and then!  I think you're a beautiful girl!  You're smart, funny, and just a doll!  I have enjoyed having you in class now two semesters in a row and getting to know you better the second go round.  That little girl of yours is beautiful just like you!

Janie - I didn't get to know you all that well, but you have a sweet spirit about you!  I wish you well in all you do!

Candace - Oh Candace...where do I begin?  STAY OUT OF OTHER PEOPLES BUSINESS!  You don't have kids don't pretend and act like you know what it's like to A) be pregnant or B) have kids!  You're not a mom!  Oh yes and DON'T follow people out to their cars, they find it rather creepy, and since you're kind of a creepy weird girl anyway, I don't really find it advisable to think it's okay!  IT'S NOT OKAY!  Maybe in Florida, but honey you need to click you're heals because you're not there anymore!  If we want to involve you in a conversation we'll ask, don't try and force friendships on people.  It's highly unlikely they will go for the bait.  You should probably wait until they invite you in.  If you hate kids, you should probably try out that stuff we call birth control EVEN AFTER YOU'RE MARRIED!  Get it together.  You're older than I am by one year but your immaturity is awful.  Age is just a number especially if you don't act it!  The male anatomy is not there for our ammusement and while you think it's funny for people to ask sensible questions, they don't appreciate it!  There is nothing funny about reproduction!  The pigs taught me that from a very early age!  If you plan to take anymore courses that have reproduction involved I highly suggest you grow up a little more.  Oh yes, and abstinence is OKAY!  Really it is, no one ever died from it and neither will you!  Get over your fascination with HIGH SCHOOLERS!  Yes, they act dumb, but you don't act much different some days!  Do not stalk people at Chic-fil-a in the mall, they are there to eat not be stalked, if I want you to know what I'm drinking I'll ask for a refill!  Other than that, wait until I talk to you, but DO NOT STALK ME.  I'm not sure what you're fascination is with me other than I'm cool, and you're weird! Leave me alone!

Monday, May 09, 2011


Sometimes there is conflict in our lives, whether it be between us and a family member, spouse, children, parents, or even within ourselves.  It exists!  Some of us deal with it by just ignoring it, facing it, letting it go, or just walking away!  There are only so many times that you can ignore it, face it, or let it go, before you just walk away and give up.  I'm walking away!  Walking away from people who do not respect others and probably haven't for a long time.  This is a battle that is long overdue and for whatever reason it's occuring now!  It's not nice, lovely, or even a happy thing.  It's a necessary thing.  At what point do we say, enough is enough.  You can act like children, but you can do so without me around. 

I specifically asked my parents not to talk about something that is going on in my life.  I would have liked to have told the rest of my family myself, considering I am an adult.  I don't understand who thought it was their place to pass the word on, and apparently it's not just happening with my parents but with my mom's side of the family as well.  They have betrayed my trust and passed along some information.  Some of which not everyone knows everything about.  They think they do but they don't.  I wanted to be able to tell them so that I, myself, could answer whatever questions they might have had vs. them getting bs answers from my family.  Of course my family has put me down for every possible thing so I don't know why it wouldn't be any different this time.  They took something very precious from me when I was 19 and now 8 years later they've taken it from me again.  Yes, that happens to be me telling the rest of my family that I'm pregnant!  My parents were so ashamed when I was 19 and pregnant that they waited until I was showing and the day before Thanksgiving to tell the rest of my family.  I didn't get that privalege!  So instead of thinking that beautiful baby girl was a blessing I thought of her as a curse for a long time.  She has blessed my life tremendously!

Here again, after asking them to respect me and not tell the rest of my family because I wanted to, what do they do, turn around and do it to me again.  And it's not just with my parents this time!  It's happened all the way around with my aunt too!  I don't understand it, and probably never will, but I'm done.  I'm washing my hands of them because I'm sick and tired of it.  I understand that I've hurt my parents, you expect that from your children, they do that!  No matter what the age, but you certainly don't expect it from your parents! 

They talked about reconciliation at church yesterday, which was awesome!  How many times do you have to try and reconcile with people who just constantly want to hurt you?  They thrive on that, and honestly I think they enjoy it quite a bit.  If my mom isn't happy or she's miserable, she wants to make sure everyone else's life is a living hell to, and will do whatever she can to ensure that!  It's rediculous.  I'm glad my family loves drama, because they can keep it but I'm out of there.  My parents are fixing to understand what it's like to start out with 3 duaghters and only have one.  My oldest sister doesn't have much to do with them either!  I can't do it anymore and I can't see putting my family through it either.  Like it or not Colby is here to stay, no matter what you say or do.  I'm finally standing up for myself, something I've waited so long to do, but the time is here and it's NOW!  I always try and give my mom second chances but it always ends up the same way! ALWAYS! 

I will have conflict with these people no longer.