Friday, February 22, 2008

What is Love?

We all sit and wonder if we'll ever meet Mr. Right, or will he just be Mr. Right now? Then we ask ourselves, what is love? There is no definition of love. Everyone's definition is different. I love this man to the left and there is no doubt about it. We can be doing nothing and we would both be happy just to be in each other's presence.

What he says sums it all up. "I could never leave the one that makes me laugh." I was told this after I found out that he had been in the hospital for two days and I had NO idea!!!! I miss him when he's gone, but absence makes the heart grow fonder. I don't know how and I definitely can not explain it, but it does. I don't love him because he has a great job, his good looks, or because he satisfies me in any other way than emotional, those things are just perks. I love him because even I can stay with him for a night, we can snuggle and the moment I get out of the bed to go to the bathroom, he asks, "where are you going sweetie?"
I love him because I get to call him and wake him up in the mornings so his voice is the first one I hear and he the same. I love him because even when he's super busy at work I can call and talk to him about whatever is bothering me and I know that when I start to cry he is going to be there for me. He will take the time out of his busy schedule to talk to me, no matter what. I love this man because he loves Brooke, and he cherishes that she loves her mommy. I love him because he's just him. He doesn't put on a front to try to make everyone like him, if you don't then screw you. That's just the way he is, what you see is what you get. I love him because even at four thirty in the morning when he leaves for work, he kisses me and tells me to be careful. I love him because he tells me these things not matter where I'm going. I JUST LOVE HIM FOR HIM!!! These things are hard to say because I think we're both just waiting for the other to say it at this point, and I'm not going to say it first. I catch myself wanting to, but I also know I don't want him to run either. I don't want to lose the one good thing in my life right now and that is him. I have Brooke and she'll always be a HUGE part of my life, but at this moment in time and for the last month, he's played a HUGE role in mine and Brooke's life.

No he wasn't able to make it home on Valentine's day, but you know what I was grateful he called. Grateful that no matter what I got to talk to him. It is so hard to get mad at him because he can make you laugh in the same sentence he made you mad in. It's amazing. He makes me laugh and even people at my office have said that I'm much happier with him. They can see it in me. I smile more, I laugh more, and I'm just myself more. I am relaxed with him, and it's amazing!!! I LOVE THAT MAN!!!!

I stayed the night last night, and you know what, we did nothing. I went and got him dinner because he had worked hard yesterday, and at about 10:15 we crawled into bed, and watched some TV, and about 10:30 he turned it down and we cuddled and went to sleep. It was awesome. Woke up this morning and I told him I didn't sleep worth shit, and he said he slept great. He slept great because I was there for him to hold, he stayed cozy, and he wasn't alone. It was AWESOME. Amazing, and I loved every minute of it. What I didn't love was when they came beating on the door at 4:15 this morning!!!!

He is so good with Brooke, and she has taken a liking to him. It takes a long time for her to decide if she likes a man or not. She doesn't warm up very quickly because she's leary of men. She's never had to share her momma with anyone so this is something completely new to her. We went over there Friday and she layed down by him most of the time we were there. She's come a long way from telling him "I don't like you" to sharing her goldfish with him, which is pretty rare too!!!!!

Sunday, February 17, 2008

Bucket List

Tonight Brooke and I went to watch Fools Gold and The Bucket List. I have to say that TBL was the better of the two movies. I loved it. Perhaps it’s because there are so many things that you say you want to do before you die, but when you’re so close to death those things seem so real. So why not while we all think we still have time to live make our own bucket list? It also hit home in a very sensitive way. Both of these men were fighting Cancer and both of them were taken from it. This past year as many of you know my dad fought cancer and we won’t know until March if he has beat it. June of last year he had his prostate removed and everything looked promising, then in November we found out that it was back. He went through six weeks of radiation and like I said we are still waiting to find out if he has in fact beaten this nasty disease. I’m not sure if my dad had a bucket list or not but I’m pretty for sure that at no point in all of this he thought he was going to die. So tonight, I sit here, pondering upon some of the things in the movie and wondering what is MY bucket list? What am I going to put on it? At the ripe old age of 24 you never think that at any time you could or will die, but at any point it could be your last breath, your last hello/goodbye, and that goodbye could be forever. It could also be the last time that you tell someone that you love them. Then the one you never told will never know. Maybe that’s where I am. Neither one of us want to say it first…hahahah…I’m waiting it out. My bucket list might start out simple but as the simple things turn complicated so will my years of knowledge, courage, and growing faith. These things will change what will end up on my bucket list. No, I’m not dying, that I know of, I’m pretty healthy I think, but why wait until your dying to start one?

Kourtney’s Bucket List

~Change someone’s life for the good.
~Raise Brooke to be the most well behaved, and courteous girl.
~Go skydiving
~Fall in love with the most amazing man.
~Tell someone I love you.
~Visit Italy, Germany, Europe, and Japan.

So for now that is my bucket list. You can put anything you want on there, but don’t let anyone tell you that something shouldn’t be on your list.

On another note, my Gabriel comes home tomorrow and I’ve never been more excited!!!! I’m hoping to get to see him sometime next week!!! WOOHOO!!! I’ve missed him so much, he’s been gone since, February 7th, and it’s been tough. Dating someone in the oilfield has definitely been a change that I have had to get used to. It was something that we weren’t exposed to when I was a kid. I’m not sure that anyone ever gets used to it. I was talking to someone else that works in the oilfield and he mentioned that most marriages result in divorce because the men are gone so much. I mean money is definitely not an object to me, sure it’s nice to have, but it doesn’t make you a better person. Infidelity is the most common in these divorces, but I’m afraid that if you really do love your husband you wouldn’t do some other guy!!!

Anyway, I can’t wait to see him and give him his Valentine’s day present. I’ve missed him a ton!!!

Until next time America….

Friday, February 08, 2008


Well, things with me and Gabriel are going good. My birthday has since passed and he was home to enjoy that. I was grateful!!!! My sister, her boyfriend Jimmy, and Gabriel took me out for a surprise little party on the 26th of January!!! I was so happy to see him because he'd been out of town!!! I'm so excited he's in my life, it's amazing to find someone who treats you really well. It started out with the night at dinner, but he'd said he wasn't going to back in town so I thought it was just going to be my sister, Jimmy and I when we loaded in the truck for dinner. Then Gabriel showed up and my night go so much better. It was amazing!!! Then they took me to this Country "club" called The Ranch. Where we danced until morning and drank ourselves silly. He drove so he had one beer!!! I had 3 crown and cokes of my own but when my sister would go out to dance with Jimmy, I would drink hers up!!! Hahahahah, so in reality I had about 4-4.5 crown and cokes. Then my sister and I went to the bathroom, because we go in packs for some reason, and our way back we decided to stop at the bar and get 4 shots of Patron. Sensible, right, there were four of us. Well, Gabriel decides that since he's driving me back he's not going to take his, so who gets it. Yes, the birthday girl of course takes two shots like a trooper!!! He helped me out by blowing in my face so that I would swallow it. A common trick used with children to help them take their medicine because human reaction is that when someone blows in your face you suck for air!!! Just the way it works, I use it on Brooke all the time!!! I felt better this time, as I wasn't so sick, although I did have a double ear infection and cotton growing out of my ears, but whatever!!!! No one knew but the four of us!!! hahahah!!!

It's been a hard adjustment to get used to him being gone a lot, but I'm going to make it. I know I'm going to be okay, and I will get used to it in due time!!!! My dad was never gone because he didn't work in the oil field, so I was not used to it as a child. It's been hard!!! I broke down for the first time yesterday. He's once again out of town and this is something that yes, even I have to get used to. It's the economy around here and without it he wouldn't be here. He's such a great guy!!! I love him to pieces!!! He makes me smile and laugh all the time, even when he's not around!!! I talked to him yesterday and just explained that it's hard when he's gone because it's something that I'm not used to. He has to travel a lot for work and I understand that. But yesterday, my emotions came flowing out. I try to be strong and sometimes it's so hard to do. I kept myself semi-busy yesterday, so that when I finally had a chance to slow down and give him a call, I broke down. All of that days emotions just came crashing down, and he was the lucky one.

I tried to talk about things that involved happiness, and I did a lot of subject changing, but we talked about his job and how this was the life. How my dad has been in construction all my life so he was never gone. It's hard, but this is something that I'm going to have to get used to. Around here you can NOT date people who are not directly related to the oil industry. The company he runs moves drilling rigs. He sometimes has to go out of town to go work on that stuff. It's hard, but I'm slowly adapting. This is the LIFE of WEST TEXAS!!!! I tried so hard to be strong and I feel like I failed. I failed myself at saying that I could do it, and I failed him by not being strong for him. I can do it, I just have to convince myself that it will all be alright!!!! I miss him like nothing else, but I know that he will be back on Sunday and that when I see him again it's going to be the greatest feeling ever, just to give him a big hug and kiss.

In the last post I mentioned that I wanted flowers from someone that I loved on my birthday, and you know what I got them. They are beautiful!!! They came from my sister. They are beautiful. The only thing I wanted was for Gabriel to come home and I got that, so I was pleased. Spending time with him was enough!!!!