Thursday, October 13, 2011

Stephen Dell Taylor

Our little Stephen finally made it into the world!  He was born Monday, October 3, 2011 at 9:31 pm! He weighed in at 8 lbs 0 oz and was 19.75" long!  He has since grown .75"!  So proud of our little buddy!  He's such a huge blessing and I don't know what we'd do without him.  It's been quite a journey getting him here and I hope that someday when he gets older we can share his story with him.  How he made it through Plan B and how we welcomed him home.  I'm so blessed to be the mother of two very special children.  He especially makes me appreciate and love Brooke so much more.  I love little Stephen and his sister Brooke with all my heart!  I hope she never thinks that we don't love her at all, because we do.  His story begins the day he was concieved when we tried to stop it all by taking the Plan B pill, which failed!  We never expected this!  We weighed our options as we were not ready for a baby in our lives yet.  We had decided on adoption and had the perfect little family picked out for him.  One day I could see that Colby had become quite distant so I approached him about it and he told me that he didn't want to give the baby up.  I cried and cried.  I knew what this meant.  Our little blessing would join us and bless our lives as well as others.  It's been quite a journey getting him here.  A journey that tought us so much about ourselves and each other.  One that tought us that life is precious and babies are gifts from God!  I know God has a purpose for each of us that have been on this journey.  Colby has been an excellent father.  He was scared at first but I thank him everyday for the little life he contributed to and has blessed us with!  More importantly I thank God for giving us this little miracle!  He truly is a blessing!  I've never seen a man cry harder than when he was born.  We bawled like babies because he was finally here and not only that but because we knew what a blessing he is!  He's amazing!  He's teaching me more love than I could ever imagine and to appreciate life!  I can tell you this though, we couldn't have  
done it without the support of Colby's family and our church family.  They've been a blessing to us as well and been on this journey with us!  We love you little Stephen and are so thankful that we've been blessed with you! 

I love that picture of Colby and Stephen at the top.  It shows so much love.  He fell in love all over again when he was born.  What an amazing experience.

Our first family photo was not a very happy looking one considering we were both running low on sleep!

Brooke loves her little brother so much!  She's great with him already!  She's a natural! Love that little girl so much too!

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Lt. Charles Joseph Margiotta

Today is September 11, 2011 and today is remembered in the hearts of many Americans. As those planes crashed into many remembered building that one faitful day, I was at school. I was a senior in high school at Greenwood High School, and I can remember passing by one of the classrooms where one of our teachers stopped me and asked if I had heard. I obviously had not heard because I didn’t have a clue as to what was going on. He told me and that’s the moment it hit. Our country was under attack and who knew that it would continue for a long time. No one even saw it coming. We had a new President who was doing his best to run the country he believed in so much. The country that had offered him so much without expecting much in return. But more importantly, many of our freedoms were taken that day. I remember going to second period and sitting in there when someone mentioned that the pentagon had been hit. It sank in, “the Pentagon” I screamed, my cousin worked in there on the very side that was hit. He had just walked out of the building when the plane hit, and he went back in to assist where he could. I worried for him for the day and I was sad until we heard he was okay. My cousin is a JAG Lawyer and it could be him that we’re remembering this day.

Today is the day when we remember those who were lost, either by doing their jobs, or others trying to escape. It was a devastating blow to America as a whole and to the Americans that call this place home. America lost some of its finest, Police Officers, Firefighters, and other rescue workers. Those people gave their lives for others, which they were called to duty to do.

I hope that we can instill this kind of thing into our young children, Brooke was not yet even thought about when this horrific event occured so she will never fully understand how it has impacted ourselves, the people around us, our neighbors, friends, and family, nor how it has impacted our lives and our Country. When I think about these things and the innocence that those children bring I also remember the innocence of our country that day as there was really nothing we could do at that very moment. How vulnerable and unprepared we were that day. That day has changed our lives forever.

On this day I’m called to remember everyone, but someone I was chosen to remember. I can not find much on this fine man, but I’m sure he was married to a lovely lady who loved him very much as well, as he probably had children who loved him very much. His name is Lt. Charles Joseph Margiotta. He was 44, from New York, NY and he died trying to assist in the tragic event at the World Trade Center. Today we honor him for giving his life for others and doing it without even second guessing or hesitating. For this we honor you Lt. Margiotta. I’m sure you were New York’s finest, just out there doing your job. You probably impacted many lives and those people will be forever grateful.

I pray that on your journey home you were able to stand at the Pearly Gates of God’s Kingdom. Welcome home Lt.

Lt. Margiotta, I remember you in my heart everyday for your selfless act of courage for our country.  You did what had to be done and put your own safety behind.  What an amazing man you must have been.  I hope that we as American's continue to remember you everyday. I chose to honor you in this blog once a year and I hope that I never become to busy to ever forget. 

Today it is the greatest honor to remember such a brave and loved man.

Here is the Eulogy written for him by his brother Mike Margiotta:

According to Webster, "bravery" is defined as combining confidence with firm resolution in the presence of danger. "Courageous" however is more than brave! It adds a moral element. The courageous man steadily encounters perils to which he may be keenly sensitive at the call of duty. At no time do either of these definitions mention being fearless. Fearless is just the inability to recognize danger.

On September 11th, Chuck had fears…recognized them…called home…and then performed his job with Bravery and Courage; as did all our firefighters and police officers. We thank them all and love them all for being heroes every day.

I thought Chuck was a workaholic. If I told him I had 2 jobs…he would say, “What do you do with the rest of your time?” Chuck didn’t have a career…he had many careers. Along with the FDNY, private investigation and others, Chuck was also a substitute teacher working in the NYC Board of Ed. for 20 years.

They say you can’t mix business with pleasure. Chuck always found a way.

When Chuck was only 12 years old, I watched with amazement at his ability to juggle both. He went to Latourette golf course to fish for carp in one of the ponds. And I mean, literally standing in the pond. The pond was between a Tee off and a green. He would stand in the water fishing and then sell golfballs back to the golfers that didn’t clear the pond. Making money and fishing…Chuck’s perfect world.

Later in life, perhaps even surprising himself, Chuck turned into the perfect dad. His hobbies were planned around his family schedule. Soccer, softball, basketball, baseball…all came first. And not just seeing the games…oh no…Chuck coached his daughter and son in all the sports. Eventually Chuck took over as Director of basketball in this parish, St. Rita’s. His weekends were consumed with scheduling practices, games and tournaments. Through it all, Chuck still managed to plan family vacations, hunting and fishing trips with his buddies and lots of activities that would fulfill all his needs.

Chuck’s plate still wasn’t full. He lived one house away from his parents. He was a great son to his mother and father. He was the mule. Anything that involved a ladder or back breaking work was Chuck’s. Cleaning the gutters and plowing the neighborhood was his specialty. When the first snowflake fell, you knew it wouldn’t be long before you heard Chuck fire up the Toro snowplow! Then like kids looking for Santa’s sleigh on Christmas Eve, neighbors would run to their windows and throw up the sash. And what to their wondering eyes should appear but, Chuck with an orange hunting jump suit, smiling ear to ear.

Chuck was like a superhero to his kids. He was like a superhero to all of his family and friends. One can only imagine what he looked like through the eyes of his children, Norma Jean and Charlie. Chuck was larger than life. He was only 5’ 11”. He was not the 6 feet that he claimed he was. But when you met him, even if you looked down to him physically…you looked up to him in ways that you could not put your finger on. You left Chuck with a feeling that he was much bigger than he really was.

As tough as Chuck looked, and with as gruff a voice as he had, children always knew that he loved them. They instinctively knew he was their ally. And they were right. If he yelled at them for letting a game get a little out of hand, the children usually smiled or laughed. Then Chuck would laugh too, seeing himself in the kids.

Chuck's light shines in the eyes of his children, Norma Jean and Charlie, who look around in admiration at all the people here who loved their father. That light will shine brighter every day until it bursts like a super nova when we join him in heaven.

Chuck is up there now with all the other firefighters lost on September 11th, giving a lesson on how to grow tomatoes and zucchini. He knows he can’t be wrong because he is with Nani and Papa who taught him all about it.

He is up there having a pick up game of basketball against Jesus and the Apostles. Chuck calls his team the Underdogs. I’d like to introduce them to you now:

Starting at Forward…everyone who was too little to fight for themselves. At the other forward… everyone who in the latter years of life were stripped of their dignity and were unable to perform tasks we take for granted. At Right Guard…everyone Chuck loved that left this world before him. At left guard…everyone who ever misjudged Chuck's loyalty while on earth. And STARTING AT CENTER…a man who at only 5’11”, now stands taller than everyone because of the life he led, the traditions he held on to, the compassion he showed and the memories he left...Chuck Margiotta

I continue to research this Hero and upon doing so I found this:

When he left Staten Island to attend Brown University, Chuck Margiotta told classmates that he would return to New York to become a fireman. He did just that, serving 15 years in Harlem and then the last 4 with Ladder 85 in Staten Island.

He also became a substitute teacher. A private investigator. A coach of his children's soccer and basketball teams. And he was a member of the Screen Actors Guild, winning small roles in the movies "Frequency" and "Hannibal."

"He was usually the guy who got shot," said Steve Gallira, a friend since childhood. "Nobody knows when the guy slept. We don't think he did."

Early on Sept. 11, Mr. Margiotta, 44, was returning to Staten Island after filling in for another firefighter in Brooklyn. Once he heard the news of the attacks, he turned around, caught a ride with Rescue 5 near the Verrazano-Narrows Bridge and headed for the towers.

That was Chuck: all drive. Always doing the unexpected. Like becoming tight end for his high school football team when he could hardly catch a pass. Like saying unabashedly in the company of other men how he had done the right thing by marrying his wife, Norma. Mr. Gallira said, "I felt all this work he did, Chuck believed it was his obligation to life, to fill it up."

Profile published in THE NEW YORK TIMES on November 14, 2001.


To honor someone next year you can go to and sign up.

His family has also dedicated a website to him also that you can go check out pictures and other things on:

God Bless America!!! Stand Tall & Proud!!!!

Tuesday, September 06, 2011

Spring the Fall?

Yes, it's taking place in my life.  When we think about spring cleaning we think about that once a year that our homes get a super good cleaning from the ceiling to the floor from baseboard to baseboard.  It's just a deep cleaning of our homes.  God can do that in our lives too, and it can happen at ANY time of the year.  Why?  Because like our homes it's often time necessary.  Does it hurt?...yes!  Does it help?...yes!  It can be a time for healing as well. 

God has been doing a bit of spring cleaning in mine life for a few months now and while it's been quite painful I've learned it's also quite necessary.  You see I have a few friends that since learning I was pregnant have ceased speaking with me.  I was not really sure why though.  Well, today I found out that it's because I went back to the man that I loved and some other decisions I have made along the way.  I'm sorry that this friend could not support me in this decision as I have supported him in many of his.  I was there for him when he and his "partner" were going through some crap and when he finally left him. I've been there for him in a quest for a new job.  When he told me he was gay I told him that I would never stop being his friend even though I didn't support his lifestyle.  I've always stood by this, while many of his friends vanished or began treating him differently.  I never felt like I was put on this planet to judge him or anyone else, even if I didn't agree with many decisions. 

I know that all these things are working together for the good.  Maybe it's for the better of my families life.  One can only hope.  I'm putting my faith and trust in God because that's all I can do.  I can no longer control others actions and they can no longer control mine.  We are all responsible for ourselves and ONLY ourselves.  No doubt will we make some enemies along the way because they will not agree with us, but I can live a life free of stress and worry this way. 

I have chosen to rid myself of this toxic individual on facebook.  I will no longer text him, nor wonder what he is up to.  You may not like the life I lead or the decisions I make and that is fine by me.  But you will not BASH my decisions or my family like you have done.  I have no room for you in my life.  May the Peace of God be with you! 

Friday, July 01, 2011


I know everyone has been waiting to hear what's going on in my life! Well where do I begin! Hmm...lets start with the most amazing week long vacation! We went to Houston, sure it's not exciting for some, but it was super exciting to me. I welcome new experiences everyday and had a BLAST while we were there! We originally went for my cousins wedding and we planned on staying a week after that, which we did! It was so much fun. I've never had so much exercise in my life. OMG...we walked for miles it seemed some days, but it was worth it all! The weather was just perfect, and it even rained! Something we haven't seen here since last September! We are in desperate need! We played in the ocean, sat outside by the water EVERY night before bed, and just enjoyed each others company! We also visited NASA and a few places that we don't have here! We ate more seafood than you can imagine. I don't think we ate any other kind of meat while we were there! It was amazing! Our hotel was across from NASA on the water and it was a beautiful view to wake up to every morning! Nothing like waking up to water and a beautiful sunrise in the mornings! It was a nice relaxing time! I fell more in love with the most amazing man ever! He's shown me so much these last few months! I love him dearly.

Now we'll move on to the little guy in my belly. It is indeed just that A LITTLE BOY! He will grace us with his presence sometime in October and I couldn't be more excited. It's been a little rough and hard to handle seeing as I'm pregnant during the summer, but we're making it! God has given us a blessing that we can not refuse, the complications I had before are GONE! Praise God! I just hit 26 weeks today, and in a couple more weeks we'll get to see him again and get some more pics. I'm one excited momma! I have had the privilege of seeing him every two weeks because of the complications I was having, but I'll give that up to know that we are both healthy! Brooke is super excited about being a big sister to a little brother, even though she would have preferred a little! What can I say? I didn't get to make that choice, but I'll take what I get so long as he's healthy. I told her we didn't get to pick what we were having but that God made that choice himself! She was okay with that answer! It's so awesome to share this experience with her and with Colby! What a joy it has been. She likes to rub my belly and try and feel him kick, which is exciting to her, and honestly, I enjoy letting her do it. It's not everyday that your mommy is pregnant! She always asks how he's doing when I talk to her! She's loving it! Colby's pretty excited about it too, and has gone CRAZY on the baby clothes. We picked up some clothes for the baby while we were gone at the outlet mall in Houston and at Babies R Us! He's so funny sometimes. At night we just lay in bed and he rests his hand on my belly and waits for Stephen to kick. He likes to talk to him and we play him some music which he enjoys! It's just amazing to get to share this with him. I didn't have anyone to share this with when I was pregnant with Brooke so it's been quite a change, but a good one at that.

We are looking forward to the many changes that are to come in our lives, and I know they are all positive ones.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Hold Me Together

I've been hearing this song on the radio lately, and it's really awesome.  We often wonder how someone who can not be seen can love us as much as Jesus does!  He gave His life for you and I!  What an awesome sacrifice!  I would sacrifice my life for my childrens!  We are all children of God and he sent his one and ONLY son for US!  But how can his love reach down to us?  I've learned that his love is reaching people one person at a time.  He puts people in our lives for reasons!  Reason's we do not understand, will not understand, and do not need to understand.  He's just too cool like that!  I'm going through a journey with some of the most awesome people by my side.  They are Godly people!  They are wonderful, amazing...oh I could go on!  They have chosen to walk a journey with Colby and I that neither one of us can understand.  The little miracle is just that, a miracle.  A creation of our Heavenly Father that I'm privaleged to carry for 9 months!  The little guy is living proof that God does exist!  I feel him moving all about in there and I wonder how people could not believe in God! 

In this song he says "Can your love reach down this far".  God's love can, remember those people in our lives that come in at just the right time?  Those are God's people doing His work, and showing us His love!  How awesome!  I'm learning this gradually!  It's been tough sometimes to believe that he could send such awesome people into our lives, and it always comes at just the right moment.  I've lost all support from most of my family, but who needs people who drag you down anyway!  I have God, Colby, my sister, and friends!  These Godly people have become my family.  They are the ones I know I can turn to when things are not right.  I can call them and cry because I do not feel well.  They are concerned with how the little guy is doing and how my health is doing.  The little guy is fine, but I'm having a few complications this go round.  It's not fun, but apparently its necessary.  For God does not give us more than we can handle!  He knows our breaking point! 

We have a God that can hold us together.  His love CAN reach down this far.  When we feel like we're falling apart He's holding our hearts!

Royal Tailor - Hold Me Together
From the album Black and White

Hello mercy
I have been searching for You lately
I've been wounded and from what I hear
You have the remedy

They told me You would be for me
so now I need to know
Is this a love that can save me
Or say you will then don't

Will You stay with me
When nobody is around
If this is real
Then tell me now

Can You hold me together
Can Your love reach down this far
Can You hold me together
'Cause without You holding my heart
I'm falling apart, falling apart

Saying so long, been lost, been gone
Not sure what to pray
It's not easy, but I know You see me
When I lose my way

I keep on floating not knowing
If there is more for me
Don't want to sink beneath
Waves of negativity

I'm going under,
I'm afraid I might drown
If this is real,
I need you now


I'm feeling stronger
With You by my side
And I realize You are my hope
And I need to know


Without You
I'm falling apart
Falling apart

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

The End Has Come!

I took my last final last night and wanted to depart for the semester with a few words...I mean paragraphs! :)  I have really enjoyed my lecture class!  My teacher was awesome.. a little scary at first but after you visit with her you find, she's pretty harmless, she just wants you to learn your stuff!  I'm sure I learned alright.. a lot more than I ever thought I'd need to know!  I'm actually a little sad because some people I won't see again for a while, they will go on without me while I stick to online classes for the fall semester!  A few of them I will keep in touch with and perhaps have lunch with them over the's to hoping!  I wanted to just say a little something about each person I've met on my journey for the Spring semester!

Mrs. Mertens - You're crazy!  I love that you have a passion to teach this stuff, and an even bigger passion for us to learn it.  I love how you sit and talk about life experiences and sometimes that helps me out!  I'm not gonna lie, you scared me at first after all I'd heard, but I'm passing along that you're not as scary as everyone makes you out to be.  Thanks for changing the tests during the last part of the semester, I probably would have never have made it! 

Kristin -  Thanks for being my "therapist"!  You're one funny, outspoken, honest and loveable girl!  I can't imagine not having you in my classes anymore and I'm so thankful we've become friends!  I'm so glad I could vent to you about whatever life is throwing my way and it's so odd how we feel the same about a lot of things!  Thanks for just being you!  I will come to your house warming party, I just can't get in the hot tub :(  But I'll be there for ya!

Jamie - Last semester I thought you were too snobby for words.  Then I kind of got to know you a little better.  It takes a lot of getting used to and you're someone who has to grow on people.  You grew on me, and then you got on my ever loving last nerve.  I don't find it acceptable to answer questions about someone else's personal life if the teacher asks them.  You've rubbed me the wrong way several times and you don't think about it.  You completely wear me out most class times!  I understand that you had a baby at 17 years old but that doesn't make you anymore special than someone who had one at 25.  It could have happened to any of us.  You need to quit worrying so much about your boyfriend and that darn cell phone of yours and grow up.  I understand it's hard having a 5 year old, but I've done it for almost 7 years and you've never heard me complain.  You're not special quit acting like it.

Maritza -'re such an awesome woman and I love sitting and talking with you.  I hope that you succeed in ALL you do!  You're son is adorable and I can't wait to get to know you a little more!  I hope to get together with you this summer.  Oh yes, and you're accent is AWESOME!  I'm sad that we can not continue on this journey together this fall, but we'll see each other more!  You're super smart and thanks for teaching me a lot!

SyBrooke - So I heard there is a little attitude within that needs to be unleashed every now and then!  I think you're a beautiful girl!  You're smart, funny, and just a doll!  I have enjoyed having you in class now two semesters in a row and getting to know you better the second go round.  That little girl of yours is beautiful just like you!

Janie - I didn't get to know you all that well, but you have a sweet spirit about you!  I wish you well in all you do!

Candace - Oh Candace...where do I begin?  STAY OUT OF OTHER PEOPLES BUSINESS!  You don't have kids don't pretend and act like you know what it's like to A) be pregnant or B) have kids!  You're not a mom!  Oh yes and DON'T follow people out to their cars, they find it rather creepy, and since you're kind of a creepy weird girl anyway, I don't really find it advisable to think it's okay!  IT'S NOT OKAY!  Maybe in Florida, but honey you need to click you're heals because you're not there anymore!  If we want to involve you in a conversation we'll ask, don't try and force friendships on people.  It's highly unlikely they will go for the bait.  You should probably wait until they invite you in.  If you hate kids, you should probably try out that stuff we call birth control EVEN AFTER YOU'RE MARRIED!  Get it together.  You're older than I am by one year but your immaturity is awful.  Age is just a number especially if you don't act it!  The male anatomy is not there for our ammusement and while you think it's funny for people to ask sensible questions, they don't appreciate it!  There is nothing funny about reproduction!  The pigs taught me that from a very early age!  If you plan to take anymore courses that have reproduction involved I highly suggest you grow up a little more.  Oh yes, and abstinence is OKAY!  Really it is, no one ever died from it and neither will you!  Get over your fascination with HIGH SCHOOLERS!  Yes, they act dumb, but you don't act much different some days!  Do not stalk people at Chic-fil-a in the mall, they are there to eat not be stalked, if I want you to know what I'm drinking I'll ask for a refill!  Other than that, wait until I talk to you, but DO NOT STALK ME.  I'm not sure what you're fascination is with me other than I'm cool, and you're weird! Leave me alone!

Monday, May 09, 2011


Sometimes there is conflict in our lives, whether it be between us and a family member, spouse, children, parents, or even within ourselves.  It exists!  Some of us deal with it by just ignoring it, facing it, letting it go, or just walking away!  There are only so many times that you can ignore it, face it, or let it go, before you just walk away and give up.  I'm walking away!  Walking away from people who do not respect others and probably haven't for a long time.  This is a battle that is long overdue and for whatever reason it's occuring now!  It's not nice, lovely, or even a happy thing.  It's a necessary thing.  At what point do we say, enough is enough.  You can act like children, but you can do so without me around. 

I specifically asked my parents not to talk about something that is going on in my life.  I would have liked to have told the rest of my family myself, considering I am an adult.  I don't understand who thought it was their place to pass the word on, and apparently it's not just happening with my parents but with my mom's side of the family as well.  They have betrayed my trust and passed along some information.  Some of which not everyone knows everything about.  They think they do but they don't.  I wanted to be able to tell them so that I, myself, could answer whatever questions they might have had vs. them getting bs answers from my family.  Of course my family has put me down for every possible thing so I don't know why it wouldn't be any different this time.  They took something very precious from me when I was 19 and now 8 years later they've taken it from me again.  Yes, that happens to be me telling the rest of my family that I'm pregnant!  My parents were so ashamed when I was 19 and pregnant that they waited until I was showing and the day before Thanksgiving to tell the rest of my family.  I didn't get that privalege!  So instead of thinking that beautiful baby girl was a blessing I thought of her as a curse for a long time.  She has blessed my life tremendously!

Here again, after asking them to respect me and not tell the rest of my family because I wanted to, what do they do, turn around and do it to me again.  And it's not just with my parents this time!  It's happened all the way around with my aunt too!  I don't understand it, and probably never will, but I'm done.  I'm washing my hands of them because I'm sick and tired of it.  I understand that I've hurt my parents, you expect that from your children, they do that!  No matter what the age, but you certainly don't expect it from your parents! 

They talked about reconciliation at church yesterday, which was awesome!  How many times do you have to try and reconcile with people who just constantly want to hurt you?  They thrive on that, and honestly I think they enjoy it quite a bit.  If my mom isn't happy or she's miserable, she wants to make sure everyone else's life is a living hell to, and will do whatever she can to ensure that!  It's rediculous.  I'm glad my family loves drama, because they can keep it but I'm out of there.  My parents are fixing to understand what it's like to start out with 3 duaghters and only have one.  My oldest sister doesn't have much to do with them either!  I can't do it anymore and I can't see putting my family through it either.  Like it or not Colby is here to stay, no matter what you say or do.  I'm finally standing up for myself, something I've waited so long to do, but the time is here and it's NOW!  I always try and give my mom second chances but it always ends up the same way! ALWAYS! 

I will have conflict with these people no longer.

Friday, April 15, 2011

Random Rantings!

I know that we all go through trials in life and sometimes it's seems as though we're all alone fighting it all by ourselves.  We are not alone, He is with us, but sometimes we forget to turn to him.  We get wrapped up in our daily lives, work, school, kids, home, husband/wife, and forget about what's most important.  We always think about providing monetarily for our families, but we often forget the emotional aspect that's involved in it all!  We are all guilty of this!  I go to school, work, take care of the house, dinner, whatever needs to be done there and then have no time for myself.  I'm wrapped up in trying to make a living for my family by working and by going to school ensuring that in the future I can provide more than I can right now!  I do not want to be the breadwinner I just don't want to struggle financially anymore, but we tend to leave out the most important part of the whole equation, our husbands, wives, or kids!  

I'm struggling more than ever right now.  I don't make a whole lot at the job I do have but they treat me well, and they are letting me do what I need to for school.  Not many employers are like that!  It's easy here not a whole lot to it, so fairly simple and probably the least stressful job I've ever in my entire life had.  I'm truly blessed here!  Now while this is only temporary, as is everything else, so is school.  It's not forever but sometimes I feel like I'm in all this mess all by myself!  I'm also a little on the pregnant side, which makes EVERYTHING seem like a HUGE ORDEAL! I cry because I don't know what we're gonna have for dinner.  I cry because I'm stressed about school, work, Brooke, and spending time with the man I love.  Now who did I forget, myself...I don't have time for any of those things I listed much less myself.  That's draining all on it's own.  No time for me, but I need me time.  And sometimes that is hard to come by!  I cry about that too! My clothes don't fit and that's rather depressing and all he can say, is it's gonna be okay, we'll get you some new ones.  While it's enough it still don't help the fact that I'm growing a little more each day until eventually I'm gonna look like a beached whale.  And we're going to the beach this out...I'm sure little kids are gonna say, "look mom, look at that big ole whale."  Okay, maybe I'm a little bit TOO hard on myself sometimes, I get that, but still I'm pregnant and this too is temporary!

Friday, February 25, 2011

Jesus, Bring the Rain!

Yes, we need some rain sent our way weather wise, but not exactly what this post is about exactly.  Jesus, bring the rain. He brings all kind of rain our way and either we can choose to put up our umbrella's and hide from it or we can get wet, dry off, and learn a little something. I choose to get rained on.  There is always a life lesson in all of this.  This past couple of weeks has been challenging and he's definitely sent rain in my life.  It's been a downpour in the life of Kourtney and those around her.  We've definitely been challenged.  

Two weeks ago Colby went out of town and everything seemed to be great while he was gone and for a few days following his return.  Let's rewind to last Tuesday the day after Valentine's.  Doctor's appointments for all of us, missed time at work, test's at school!  It was a busy day.  Then Tuesday evening he calls and wants me to take him to the ER he's in pretty bad pain.  So I took him and what followed is not what we expected.  He was hospitilized from Tuesday until Saturday with Pancreatitis!  Oh, there was some rain right there.  Then on Saturday I brought him home and went to the store where I noticed someone had hit my truck while I was parked in the parking garage at the hospital for 4 days and 3 nights!  I will tell you this, he was kind enough to let me sleep in his hospital bed with him.  We rested up for the weekend and headed back to what we all thought would be a normal week until Thursday morning at 8:30 when he called me screaming in pain to please come home.   

I keep wondering how much more I can take and Jesus is sending the rain alright and it's to prove a point. To prove that we can and need to turn to Him during times like this because without Him we could not do it on our own.  I broke down once while I was staying with Colby, it had worn me pretty thin. I kept hanging on, praying for a speedy recovery so we could get home and get some quality sleep without being interrupted at all hours of the night, morning, day, whenever!  There were plenty of people from the church praying for us and coming by to visit and see if we needed anything.  Oh I did, just a little bit of sleep.  I think we've been recovering for a week now and a full night sleep is always appreciated!  When I heard this song today I was so thankful for all the rain that God had sent in my life!

"Bring The Rain"
Mercy Me
I can count a million times
People asking me how I
Can praise You with all that I've gone through
The question just amazes me
Can circumstances possibly
Change who I forever am in You
Maybe since my life was changed
Long before these rainy days
It's never really ever crossed my mind
To turn my back on you, oh Lord
My only shelter from the storm
But instead I draw closer through these times
So I pray

Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain

I am Yours regardless of
The dark clouds that may loom above
Because You are much greater than my pain
You who made a way for me
By suffering Your destiny
So tell me what's a little rain
So I pray

Holy, holy, holy
Is the Lord God Almighty

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Love isn't love unless it's given away!

I always hear stuff at the most opportune moment.  A moment that can never be replaced.  I always hear this song but for some reason it struck a HUGE chord today as I drove down the road.  I drove to a place where love between two people may or may not exist.  It's not shown, and where these two people have a hard time showing it to others.  I don't really understand.  You can look at Colby and I in public or at home and see the love between us.  The love is deep, it's real, and it's beyond measure.  It's a love that is existant everywhere we turn.  Whether I'm risking my life for a few limbs, or sitting on the couch watching a movie.  He is loving me!  Yesterday we bought some firewood, and the kind gentleman delivered it to the bed of my truck here at the office.  I got it back to the apartment.  Naturally it had to be unloaded piece by piece as we could not lift the palet ourselves!  I climbed in the bed of the truck to get after it, and all I heard from him was "baby please don't fall." There were a few times where this nearly happened, but the love in his eyes as he watched my every move in the back of that truck were unexplainable.  So with that, I give you this!

Give It Away
(Michael W. Smith / Wayne Kirkpatrick / Amy Grant)

She asked him for forever
And a promise that would last
He said, "Babe, you know I love you
But I can't commit to that"
She said "Love isn't love
'Til you give it away"
A father lived in silence
Saw his son become a man
There was a distance felt between them
'Cause he could not understand
That love isn't love
'Til you give it away
You gotta give it away

As we live
Moving side by side
May we learn to give
Learn to sacrifice

We can entertain compassion
For a world in need of care
But the road of good intentions
Doesn't lead to anywhere
'Cause love isn't love
'Til you give it away
You gotta give it away


Love is like a river
Flowing down from the giver of life
We drink from the water
And our thirst is no longer denied
You gotta give it away

There was a man who walked on water
He came to set the people free
He was the ultimate example
Of what love can truly be
'Cause his love was his life
And he gave it away
You gotta give it away

Like I said, I was driving down the road of life when I heard this.  I go back to class tonight and sometimes I wonder what I could do if it weren't for the support of Colby!  He has supported me and rooted for me in my corner for many years now!  I'm so blessed to be able to say that I love him so very much, and his love for me is deeply rooted as well.  I know that we have been blessed with each other. 

God's love for us is much more than any woman or man could ever give us.  I would say that a child's love is much like God's.  It's not conditional at all.  Children love with all they have and they definitely give love away.  Have you ever heard a child say I love you and it not sound so genuine and so true?  God's love is much like that.  Children love us right where we are, faults, flaws, and imperfections!  They just love!  God loves us RIGHT WHERE WE ARE, faults, flaws, and imperfections.  I know my God loves me because he is working in my heart and through me DAILY!  Love is when you sacrifice your one and ONLY Son to suffer and die for someone else's sins so that they may live eternally!  Now that is love!

Love isn't love 'til you give it away! 

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Amazing Love!

Last night was rather awesome and yesterday too.  Everyday with a God who loves me is just amazing as well. But last night really proved how much someone else loves me.  Sometimes we as couples say or do things that my may very well hurt or offend the other when it is not meant to.  It happens, we realize this, generally talk it over, apologize and move on about our day.  Used to when something happened we didn't talk it over, apologize, but mearly moved on about our day.  How amazing that these things can change and it's okay.  I used to be afraid to say anything because I was afraid that the angry words and other things would start to fly.  I didn't cry I would just go about my day.  Yesterday somethings were said.  I pondered on how to talk about it and to let him know how I felt.  I stood in the kitchen and cried, not knowing what to do and super confused.  This showed a lot to him.  It showed that I was not okay.  We talked things over and at the end of it all, we both apologized, he came over he hugged me and I proceeded to talk about some other things.  It's always better to talk about somethings when the door is open vs. making an awkward situation.  This meant a lot yesterday.  It meant that we had come to believe in a higher power and that by making God the center of our relationship, we could finally be free of all the anger between each other when things like this happened.  It was once that we let things build and build and build before something would finally happen and we were like two atomic bombs going off under this one roof.  God is awesome!

What amazing things can happen when we allow God to become the center of our relationships and our lives!  

Tuesday, January 04, 2011

I am beautiful!

I hear this song all the time and I always think about what this song means to me. 

"Beautiful" by Mercy Me

The days will come when you don't have the strength

When all you hear is you're not worth anything
Wondering if you ever could be loved
And if they truly saw your heart they'd see too much

You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You are made so much more than all of this
You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You are treasured, You are sacred, You are His
You're beautiful

And praying that you have the heart to find
Cause you are more than what is hurting you tonight
For all the lies you've held inside so long
And they are nothing in the shadow of the cross

You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You are made so much more than all of this
You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You are treasured, You are sacred, You are His
You're beautiful

Before you ever took a breath
Long before the world began
Of all the wonders He possessed
There was one more precious
Of all the earth and skys above
You're the one He madly loves
Enough to death

You're beautiful
You're beautiful
In His eyes

You're beautiful
You were meant for so much more than all of this
You're beautiful
You are treasured, You are sacred, You are His
You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You're meant for so much more than all of this
You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You are treasured, You are sacred, You are His

There is a video about how he came to write this song and it has to do with the ways of the world and his daughters.  He sees how the world influences and sells to little girls, to make them more beautiful or more popular or just more loved. 

The truth of the matter is that there is a worldly person that does value are beauty, and someone who does think we are beautiful, but there is a bigger much more powerful man who loves me blemishes and all.  I'm not talking about my wonderful boyfriend Colby, I'm talking about the Almighty God.  He loves me for me, not for what I wear or how I look.  He loves my heart even though it has it's own blemishes.  I have faults and I'm not perfect and he loves me for those too.  How awesome is that?!  I have not been told I'm beautiful in a long time, and this song says it all.  I have a purpose in life, and what that is I do not know but there is purpose in everything I do everyday.  He has a purpose for me.  I'm waiting anxiously to see what it is.  Perhaps its what I've been led to do and that is care for people day in and day out.  To care for the sick and help make them well or to care for the dying to make them comfortable in their last days or moments of life and to comfort their families.  I want people to be comfortable in life.  More importantly I want people to know that they too are beautiful in His eyes. 

I was driving today, and I thought to myself, those words you are beautiful are so powerful.  While I have not heard them from a man I love dearly in a while, I know I'm beautiful because someone so much more important thinks I am.  I am sacred.  I am a Child of God and I'm sacred to Him.  I'm supposed to spread his word to all that will listen.  I am treasured.  As a child of God he loves me and treasures me everyday, I'm like a rare gem.  He has protected me through many of lifes trials and tribulations and for that I'm eternally grateful.  Maybe we don't recognize Him at that very instance but there are things that happen that make us realize that at that very moment He was there with us, protecting us and treasuring us, trying to keep us safe.    More importantly I am His.  I am a Child of God.  I was created for God's purpose.  None of us are accidents we are loved and valued.  Our children do not belong to us I once read.  God has blessed us with them for a short period of time to raise, love, and more importantly teach them the ways of the world.  But most of all he wants us as parents to teach them about Him, and to show them His undying love for us.

God loves us to DEATH!