Re-Cap of 2007

I know that 2007 hasn't completely come to a close as of yet, but we are WELL on our way. It's only a matter of days now. So here's a recap of the last year of my life.

January: We celebrated a New Year, one I hoped would bring great things. It didn’t happen. I vowed to lose weight, yes, my friends I did, I did lose some however, but every little bit counts. We planned our family vacation at this time to Sea World San Antonio. I made a new purchase on some new fish. It snowed pretty heavily and it was oh so nice to see it for a change.

February: I celebrated the big 23. I was stuck in an elevator with some haughty business man who was so involved in himself he couldn’t see the forest for the trees. I gave up cussing for lent. Yes, my dear friends it got that bad that I had to give it up.

March: Nothing exciting really, had some sleepless nights with Brooke. As all parents have on occasion. The new IHOP in Midland opened, we went and it was okay. I discovered that I do not like dried fruit that is all mushy and gross. I am a banana chip addict, even though they get stuck in my braces for ever at a time. Midland lost one of the most beautiful buildings it had.

April: Brooke turned the big 3 and made her mommy start feeling old. It seems like just yesterday when I brought that little bundle of joy home to start a new life that included her. It snowed on her birthday which was also Easter, so we had a Easter Bunny Birthday. I took a One Day Blog Silence for the victims at Virginia Tech. We were told that my dad had prostate cancer and this was where my year went to shit. We also found out he was diabetic. My mom let me down for the last time in my life.

May: Everything started being put in perspective. School was ending, my dad was still sick, we were all just waiting on surgery, and for me to go on vacation.

June: Brooke and I took a trip to Sea World San Antonio. My dad had surgery the Monday after I had returned. Things went well, and I sat at the hospital for the better part of a week. I celebrated my 150th post. They remodeled my office while I was away!! WOOHOO for more space and not feeling like I was a sardine in a can.

July: Things began to look up. Fourth of July I cooked out and my dad watched as we set off fireworks for Brooke. My dad continued to get better by walking and just keeping busy with the little things around the house.

August: I started back to school. I didn’t post anything at all about anything. I’m not so sure anything really happened if you know what I mean. I think my sister moved into an apartment, which is super convenient for me. WOOHOO!!! for that.

September: I remembered a man for September 11th. I looked back on the past couple of months and pulled my hair out over school. Not much was written during this time. Perhaps I just didn’t have it in me. Brooke and I stayed sick for pretty much all of the month. We had strep one week the both of us at the same time, and then she took all of her antibiotics for two weeks, then she had it again exactly two weeks later. It was so much fun.

October: One of my best friends got married. My other best friend came to town and we had a blast just hanging out at Toya’s wedding, and going out afterwards. I began to realize that sometimes people were not meant to be in your lives, and the friends that matter still are.

November: Where do I begin? My car broke down on several different occasions. My dad’s cancer returned and he started radiation. I started dating a man and it was great while it lasted. Started talking to someone new and he’s a really nice guy. I replaced the transmission in my car. WOOHOO. Things I thought were going well with Eric. I caught bronchitis and stayed sick most of the month with it. The cough has finally gone away.

December: I find out that things are not going so well with Eric and that’s fine because he made a decision for his family and I completely understand, however it doesn’t take away the hurt. I started talking to someone named Sean. My car broke down yet again on the Interstate in the middle of lunchtime traffic. We celebrated Christmas with the family. My dad had his last radiation treatment the week before Christmas.

I’m looking forward to the New Year where great things happen. Maybe my whole year will go well and not just the first couple of months.

Nothing Better To Do!!!!

I LOVE this song!!!

Christmas...

...is fast approaching and I think I have all of my shopping done, which hopefully I finished last night. WOOHOOO, Brooke is getting a lot of neat stuff that I hope she shares so I can play with it too...hahahah!!! Anyway, she is the most important as we are all having financial problems this year. I just had a new salvaged transmission put in my car...eeks, and a few fuel pumps, and filters later, my car finally works again. My dad has done a fantastic job at fixing it when something goes wrong and even though he's going through his radiation I've not once heard him complain. However, he did ask if a stick of dynamite would work in putting my car under. It's been nothing but one big problem this year, so I'm going to have to save up the money next year to purchase a new used better car of some sort.

Brooke is all excited about Christmas coming...and so am I. I know her face is going to light up when she sees everything she's getting. I'm excited about her getting her stuff from Santa!!! It's getting so close and you can just see the little holiday spirit in her eyes when she looks around. She's going to be really excited when she comes home tonight and finds gifts under the tree!!! It's going to be amazing!!!! I can't wait, in fact I might stand by the tree to take pictures of her little amazingly beautiful face!!! She's so funny!!! I call my best friend Layne and if she's not good I'll tell her I'm talking to Santa, and she'll talk to him, and then she'll kiss and hug the phone. It's soo funny and cute at the same time.

Anyway, things with Eric didn't work out. He went back to try things out with his ex-wife for the sake of their son. I commend him in wanting to work things out but after nine years. It's not like his son is deprived. He'll take him out of school and go do things with him, just whenever he feels like it. He'll fly down and buy him whatever and doesn't have a problem with it. Of course if I made the kind of money he did Brooke or I wouldn't have a care in the world either...hahah!!! But money can not buy love or happiness. Money is the root of all evil!!!!

Anyway, enough about that. My dad is nearly done with his radiation treatments and I think he's really excited about that. I'm thankful. I'm thankful that it'd didn't spread to anywhere else and it stayed contained. I miss my old daddy, the one that was happy all the time. The one who didn't snap a lot because he was tired and wore out. I want MY daddy back. It's been a rough year and I'm really looking forward to the new year, a new beginning on life. New starts in life. I'm going to party like it's 1999, that's for sure...maybe I'll go out and get wasted on New Years and not sit at home like an old bitty!!!

Anyhow, I better get back to work. Merry Christmas everyone!!!

SO many things...things things things...

So my car broke down AGAIN last week, and I was pretty pissed off. We're talking lunch time traffic on Interstate 20. So I call my dad and he comes and rescues my car and I hitch a ride with my co-worker who has come to rescue me. My sister comes to the office and gets me to bring me back to the house to get the spare truck. I get that, then go back into town to get my stuff out of my car for my date that night, and go to my sisters, drop it off and then go pick Brooke up from daycare. Lets just say that I ended up taking Friday afternoon off. I think I was there a total of about 20 minutes...hahhahah!!!

I was supposed to have a date Friday night but he cancelled on me after I had busted my ass trying to find a babysitter. I felt dissapointed and let down, but what do you do? This is after he told me on Tuesday to find a babysitter because we were going out on Friday. He got called out at 3am to go to a rig, yet I managed to get through the day after being up until 4:30 doing homework. I was pissed off. Yet what do you do, we're too early in the game to say anything about it and then how do you approach the situation? So my sister and I ended up going out and then we went and bought alcohol and went back to her house and snacked, drank, and watched Hairspray. Cute little movie by the way.

Saturday I decided I wasn't sitting at home for two nights in a row so I loaded Brooke up and we went to the drive-in movies that we have here and we saw enchanted. It was a good movie and I really enjoyed it, when it comes out its a definite must own. We also watched Dan in Real Life, and it was good too. I ended up falling asleep and awoke to Brooke rolling the window down. But overall despite it being super cold, we had a good time.

Today we went and saw The Sound of Music put on by the highschoolers at my alma matter. That was really good. The singing was fantabulous. Better than I expected and oh so great. It's amazing what they did.

Anyway, this coming week starts finals, which I'll be super happy when they are over with and I'm gonna go celebrate, who knows doing what or where but damnit I'm going to go. Maybe my sister and I will go out for coctails and a WHOLE bunch of them.

Anyway, I hope that everyone has a nice week.

Update

Well, things on the dating scene are doing pretty good. In the last post I went on a date with a guy named Eric and we had a great time. We're still talking and hanging out and stuff. He left this morning and will be back on Thursday. Then we have the company Christmas party on Saturday, woohooo!!!! People will get to meet him. I'm not sure if I'm excited or scared. I think he's a nice guy so it doesn't matter to me what everyone else thinks. Anyway, we've just been enjoying eachothers company which is nice. It's nice to carry on a conversation with someone who isn't three years old, if you know what I mean.

Anyway, Thanksgiving was good, I suppose, Brooke acted like a little terd bucket the entire day, my mom was sick, but everything went well. I hope that everyone had a fantastic Thanksgiving. We're not that far from Christmas so I hope everyone enjoys the rest of the year because before too long it will be gone too.

ENJOY!!!

Coming to a close...

So many things are coming to a close.

Thanksgiving is THREE days away.

Christmas is THIRTY-SIX days away.

New Years is FOURTY-THREE days away.

My 24th birthday is SEVENTY-SEVEN days away.

Brooke's 4th birthday is ONE HUNDRED- FOURTY ONE days away.

I went on a date last night with a super nice guy. I really enjoyed having dinner and a movie with him. He's new to Middle of nowhere America, and he's in the oilfield, so my job and his job relate very closely. It takes my job to make his work. What a mess it is. First he came and picked me up from my sisters apartment. Then we went for dinner and drinks at a local Italian food place called Luigi's. It's super good, with super good food. Then we went and saw Beowulf, it was very interesting for an animated movie, however I do NOT suggest it for small children. It gets pretty raunchy at points. Then he took me back to my sisters. We've been talking for a week so it didn't make it so akward when I first met him, because we got to carry on real conversations not the kind where you ask weird questions. I had a lot of fun with him and I really wished we could have spent more time together because I didn't want the evening to end, but unfortunately I had to go get Brooke from the babysitters. I'm really glad that I met him, he's a nice guy.

Anyway, my dad has 4 weeks or so left of radiation, and I'm so blessed because I can't wait for him to be himself again, it's been pretty rough lately. His attitude has gone down the drain and it doesn't take much to set him off right now. He has very little patience. In fact they let me take my moms new 2007 Chevy Silverado Crew Cab on my date because my car is out of commission, and he got mad because I laid the backseats back down where they were supposed to be because I thought it looked nice. Then I got in trouble for throwing some translucent brown lettuce away in the trash, because he didn't want it to go in the trash but straight to the dumpster so it didn't stink. I understood, however it was nothing to blow up about, simply go dig it out of the trash, but instead he blew up at my mom and then at me. His fuse is very very short and he's a ticking time bomb right now. I can't imagine having to work with him right now and I'm so very thankful I don't work with him anymore. I'm sure his superintendents just leave him alone and deal with things themselves. He's very tired and some of the side affects are really starting to affect him. It sucks but such is life and hopefully after this there will be nothing more for my dad, at least I pray for that.

Mom's health is getting a little better so we think.

With Christmas fast approaching I'm tempted to just skip it all together. I don't want to spend my holidays with people I really don't care to spend them with, I just want to be together with Brooke. We were supposed to have it at our house this year, but with Dad's radiation and Mom's physical therapy I think it's going to be hard to get everything done in a timely manner. We're going to see if my aunt will take it this year and then we'll take her holiday next year. Mom says that if she can't do it then we're just going to call off family Christmas all together.

Oh yes, and less I forget my car. A couple of weeks ago the fuel pump went out so we replaced it. Then exactly a week later my transmission began slipping. My dad replaced the fuel filter and fluid just like the owners manual suggested. So we took it to a transmission shop and they said the transmission was totally gone, they couldn't even rebuild it, that's how bad it was. So then they said they could put a new one in for 2-4000, or we could get a salvaged one for about 1/4 that price. The car isn't worth putting a new transmission in, so it's sitting at a auto salvage place where they are going to replace the transmission with a new one, that's going to cost me $1147, that's labor and the transmission. So that's the best deal. When I get it back I'm going to take care of it and work on selling it next year and getting something more dependable for Brooke and I.

Anyway, sorry everyone has gotten the brunt of everything lately. It's been really crazy in my world and I don't really know where to begin.

Many things...

I know I haven't posted in nearly a month, but things have been crazy and hectic.

Work has been a nightmare. School has consumed every part of my body. Brooke has not had a great mother, because she's been busy with School and work. My dad's health has declined yet again. My car has broke on two different occassions with two very different problems. I'm left driving a 1985 Chevrolet Silverado that guzzles gas.

Okay...work is work...that's just it.

School is coming to a close and there is so much to get done before the end of the semester which ends the beginning of December. I spend more time reading and doing homework then I do picking my nose, wiping my butt, and playing with Brooke, which is rather depressing.

I've tried to be the best mother to Brooke that I can be given the circumstances with work and school. I'm not there for her as much as I would like to be and I hope that someday she can forgive me for that and not resent me forever. But I love that girl with everything that I have, every cell in my body.

My dad found out that his cancer is back therefore he starts radiation treatments tomorrow. It's rather depressing that it had to come back, and I'm really sad for him.

The fuel pump on my car went out a week ago last Friday so my dad replaced it over that weekend. Then last Friday my car started doing funny stuff with the transmission, I really hope its not burnt up. Therefore I'm driving the thing I drove in highschool 6 years ago...eeks!!! It guzzles gas pretty badly, and bad things always seem to happen to my car inevitebly after I just fill up with gas. Maybe I need a battery powered car...hmmm...what a thought.

I'm mad at God. How could he let this happen to a great man, a man who has done nothing but love his family unconditionally. My car, my dad, my life has seemed to go down the tubes in the past week and a half. I'm pissed off. I'd rather just go crawl under a rock and die, because it seems that everyone around me is dying or has cancer, and I really just can not deal with it anymore.

That's that, comments are welcome as always, leaving your best wishes or whatever.

Things

There are so many things going on in my life right now I don't even know which way to go. I'm busy with work, school, and my lovely three year old daughter Brooke. I'm working 40 hour weeks, going to school 15+ and managing to find time for Brooke. It's really hard to juggle it all, but it's something I've got to learn to do. I'll be done with school next May, so that will be a HUGE relief.

My best friend got married last night, Toya. We have been super close since we were two and at what point our paths began to go different directions I'm not really sure. My real best friend Callie came into town from LA to go to the wedding, and we had a blast. We're really not sure why we weren't at Toya's side and why someone else was. That is a question I will forever ask myself. We pondered that on the way to one of the bars called The Ranch. We had a lot of fun, as we weren't really ready to say goodnight to one another as she left back to California this evening.

When I got pregnant I lost a lot of friends and I have to say that the only one who has really stuck by my side besides Megan, and Layne is Callie. We can call each other one week and not talk again until two weeks later, but it's like we haven't missed a beat when we talk. It's amazing, and I love that girl. I made a promise to her that if I EVER get married I want her standing next to me, because she has never given up on me no matter what. We have done a lot of stupid shit together, and we are okay with that.

Going to this wedding just seemed like a high school reunion where you see all the people you really didn't care to see, because the people you really care about you keep in touch with anyway. That's what this feels like. I also sometimes feel that people just use my family so that they can get gifts or say that they had this many people at their wedding. I'm not going to invite everyone and their dog, just the people who matter the most to me, Callie, Layne, and Megan, and of course my family. I just don't see the need in inviting the people who treated you like shit to begin with to an event where you shouldn't have to worry about fake people. I just can't bring myself to do it, and the next wedding I'm invited to I'm going to think LONG AND HARD about whether or not it's worth torturing myself over. That's exactly what it is. I did see some people I haven't seen in a long time and that felt good to kind of catch up, but I know I also saw some people who weren't even worth shitting on back then either.

I just think that as we age and we encounter speed bumps in our lives, the people that really matter the most are there to pick us up, dust us off and get moving in the right directions again. I think it's important to have those friendships, that no matter how long it's been since you've seen them, it's like they were never gone.

Lt. Charles Joseph Margiotta

Today is September 11, 2007 and today is remembered in the hearts of many Americans. As those planes crashed into many remembered building that one faitful day, I was at school. I was a senior in high school at Greenwood High School, and I can remember passing by one of the classrooms where on of our teachers stopped me and asked if I had heard. I obviously had not heard because I didn’t have a clue as to what was going on. He told me and that’s the moment it hit. Our country was under attack and who knew that it would continue for a long time. No one even saw it coming. We had a new President who was doing his best to run the country he believed in so much. The country that had offered him so much without expecting much in return. But more importantly, many of our freedoms were taken that day. I remember going to second period and sitting in there when someone mentioned that the pentagon had been hit. It sank in, “the Pentagon” I screamed, my cousin worked in there on the very side that was hit. He had just walked out of the building when the plane hit, and he went back in to assist where he could. I worried for him for the day and I was sad until we heard he was okay. My cousin is a JAG Lawyer and it could be him that we’re remembering this day.

Today is the day when we remember those who were lost, either by doing their jobs, or others trying to escape. It was a devastating blow to America as a whole and to the Americans that call this place home. America lost some of its finest, Police Officers, Firefighters, and other rescue workers. Those people gave their lives for others, which they were called to duty to do.

On this day I’m called to remember everyone, but someone I was chosen to remember. I can not find much on this fine man, but I’m sure he was married to a lovely lady who loved him very much as well, as he probably had children who loved him very much. His name is Lt. Charles Joseph Margiotta. He was 44, from New York, NY and he died trying to assist in the tragic event at the World Trade Center. Today we honor him for giving his life for others and doing it without even second guessing or hesitating. For this we honor you Lt. Margiotta. I’m sure you were New York’s finest, just out there doing your job. You probably impacted many lives and those people will be forever grateful.

I pray that on your journey home you were able to stand at the Pearly Gates of God’s Kingdom. Welcome home Lt.


Here is the Eulogy written for him by his brother Mike Margiotta:

According to Webster, "bravery" is defined as combining confidence with firm resolution in the presence of danger. "Courageous" however is more than brave! It adds a moral element. The courageous man steadily encounters perils to which he may be keenly sensitive at the call of duty. At no time do either of these definitions mention being fearless. Fearless is just the inability to recognize danger.

On September 11th, Chuck had fears…recognized them…called home…and then performed his job with Bravery and Courage; as did all our firefighters and police officers. We thank them all and love them all for being heroes every day.

I thought Chuck was a workaholic. If I told him I had 2 jobs…he would say, “What do you do with the rest of your time?” Chuck didn’t have a career…he had many careers. Along with the FDNY, private investigation and others, Chuck was also a substitute teacher working in the NYC Board of Ed. for 20 years.

They say you can’t mix business with pleasure. Chuck always found a way.

When Chuck was only 12 years old, I watched with amazement at his ability to juggle both. He went to Latourette golf course to fish for carp in one of the ponds. And I mean, literally standing in the pond. The pond was between a Tee off and a green. He would stand in the water fishing and then sell golfballs back to the golfers that didn’t clear the pond. Making money and fishing…Chuck’s perfect world.

Later in life, perhaps even surprising himself, Chuck turned into the perfect dad. His hobbies were planned around his family schedule. Soccer, softball, basketball, baseball…all came first. And not just seeing the games…oh no…Chuck coached his daughter and son in all the sports. Eventually Chuck took over as Director of basketball in this parish, St. Rita’s. His weekends were consumed with scheduling practices, games and tournaments. Through it all, Chuck still managed to plan family vacations, hunting and fishing trips with his buddies and lots of activities that would fulfill all his needs.

Chuck’s plate still wasn’t full. He lived one house away from his parents. He was a great son to his mother and father. He was the mule. Anything that involved a ladder or back breaking work was Chuck’s. Cleaning the gutters and plowing the neighborhood was his specialty. When the first snowflake fell, you knew it wouldn’t be long before you heard Chuck fire up the Toro snowplow! Then like kids looking for Santa’s sleigh on Christmas Eve, neighbors would run to their windows and throw up the sash. And what to their wondering eyes should appear but, Chuck with an orange hunting jump suit, smiling ear to ear.

Chuck was like a superhero to his kids. He was like a superhero to all of his family and friends. One can only imagine what he looked like through the eyes of his children, Norma Jean and Charlie. Chuck was larger than life. He was only 5’ 11”. He was not the 6 feet that he claimed he was. But when you met him, even if you looked down to him physically…you looked up to him in ways that you could not put your finger on. You left Chuck with a feeling that he was much bigger than he really was.

As tough as Chuck looked, and with as gruff a voice as he had, children always knew that he loved them. They instinctively knew he was their ally. And they were right. If he yelled at them for letting a game get a little out of hand, the children usually smiled or laughed. Then Chuck would laugh too, seeing himself in the kids.

Chuck's light shines in the eyes of his children, Norma Jean and Charlie, who look around in admiration at all the people here who loved their father. That light will shine brighter every day until it bursts like a super nova when we join him in heaven.

Chuck is up there now with all the other firefighters lost on September 11th, giving a lesson on how to grow tomatoes and zucchini. He knows he can’t be wrong because he is with Nani and Papa who taught him all about it.

He is up there having a pick up game of basketball against Jesus and the Apostles. Chuck calls his team the Underdogs. I’d like to introduce them to you now:

Starting at Forward…everyone who was too little to fight for themselves. At the other forward… everyone who in the latter years of life were stripped of their dignity and were unable to perform tasks we take for granted. At Right Guard…everyone Chuck loved that left this world before him. At left guard…everyone who ever misjudged Chuck's loyalty while on earth. And STARTING AT CENTER…a man who at only 5’11”, now stands taller than everyone because of the life he led, the traditions he held on to, the compassion he showed and the memories he left...Chuck Margiotta

To honor someone next year you can go to http://www.dcroe.com/2996 and sign up.

God Bless America!!! Stand Tall & Proud!!!!

Closure has finally come

Today I went to lunch with one of my co-workers and ran into Brooke's father. It was super hard, but I got up the courage to go and talk to him and ask him many questions and tell him many things!!! He saw a picture of my beautiful little girl!!! I was very calm in telling him a lot of things and made it very clear that he wasn't going to get a call from the attorney general wanting his money. I don't want his money, and I don't need it. I cried, yes, I did, but I feel so much better knowing that he has some guilt to live with forever. I don't wish death or ill things upon this man, but I hope that he realizes how hard it is to do it alone!!! It's hard and I'm NOT the only mom out there doing it!!!! It was a relief and I'm really glad that God gave me the strength to do it, because without HIM I could never have confronted that man at all.

Baby Jessica!!

I for the first time have watched the interview with Jessica McClure-Morales, and I have to say that she acted very mature there.

She is very much still a kid at heart, and I've known her all of my life considering that when my parents built their house, her grandparents were building theirs!! SHe was never "baby" Jessica to us, she was just the girl whose grandparents lived next door. We never talked about what happened because those things didn't matter. What mattered is that we were allowed to play together on the weekends or during the summer when she would come stay at her grandparents house. Everyone thinks it's so cool that I know her and have for a very long time, but she is just an ordinary person to me and the other neighbor boy that we used to play with frequently. She's an amazing mother, and person, and I'm glad to say that she is my friend and has always been. We never let anything get in the way.

Here is the link to the video: Jessica Speaks Out

Enjoy and make a nice day!!!

Independence Day

COOL MySpace Comments


Well, we popped some fireworks for Brooke this year. I didn't spend a whole lot of money because I figured that she would be super scared like she usually is. She was so much better since it was me doing it, she still stuffed her fingers in her ears but otherwise she was good. However, she didn't want to partake in the sparkler activity, but I'm convinced that she'll think it's cool in a year maybe.

My dad is doing SUPER good, and I'm so happy for him. He's an incredible man and is doing so much. Now he is walking to the high school which is more than a mile away. I'm sure he'll start walking up there to visit the job site here soon, and that's really the reason he is walking up there. When he can drive he'll go to visit then too. He goes to have his staples tomorrow which he thinks is great, but he still has to have the catheter for another week. He's not too happy about that, but Brooke keeps him in check on when he needs to empty his tank, as he calls it. She gets to go with him to do it, and I don't know what I'm going to do when he doesn't have it anymore and she can't go with him!!! EEKS!!!

Anyway, things here are good.

HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY FRIENDS!!!

Life...

Life is grand at the moment...in ten minutes it could be the worst day ever, but I'm not looking for the next ten minutes in life but the right now. Things are great. My dad is getting better everyday and was released from the hospital last Thursday. He's happy to be home and sleeping in his own bed, and wearing something other than a hospital gown. Which he says they need to improve as this has not happened in 20+ years!!! He takes a morning stroll which is about .25 miles!!! Pretty good I might say. He goes to get the mail in the mornings. He won't be able to drive for another week, but I'm sure when he can, maybe we'll get to go do lunch or something. He's an amazing man. WOOOHOOO for my hero my daddy!!! He's not letting anything get in his way. He is striving to get better very soon. The night he came home I explained to Brooke that Poppi had a large owie and that she couldn't be jumping all over him. She's remembered, and he showed her his owie!!! But now she's scared to touch, hug, or kiss him, but is getting better. SHe got to sit on his lap last night and that she truly enjoyed. I can't wait to get to sit on my daddie's lap again. I still do occassionally, and did the morning that he had surgery. I've always been daddy's little girl, and nothing is goign to change that. I enjoy getting to spend time with him in the mornings before I leave for work, and this morning was no different. We met him as he entered the driveway to drop off the mail this morning, then gave him hugs, and left. I love my dad so much and really don't know what I'd do without him. He's my strength always!!!

Fourth of July is coming up and I'm going to go get some fireworks for Brooke to enjoy!! We didn't get to do it last year because it was so dry that they banned them!!! BUt this year we will. Maybe we'll cook out too!! Who knows.

My daddy....

You see that picture of that man in the corner there? Thats my daddy. If you haven't figured out by now he's everything I've ever had in life. He's my confidant, best friend, my hero and most importantly he's my daddy!!! He's the most loving, caring, sincere man you will ever meet. And that's why he's my hero. He had his surgery yesterday, and it went good. However, I've never even seen my dad lay in bed because he didn't feel good, so to see him completely helpless yesterday was a huge shock to the system. It's the worst I've ever seen my dad EVER!!!! He's an amazing man, and I know that he'll be out of there in a few days, and when he's home I'll feel so much better about leaving him, but as long as he's at the hospital, I don't want to leave there, I just want to sit and look at my daddy. We don't have to exchange words, just being there with him means so much I know. This is the hardest thing we've ever seen him go through. He's been in the hospital with me twice and my mom a few times, but to see him completely down is not good. That's not my dad. He's a very outgoing person whose at work by 6:45 every morning and works until 6 sometimes or brings it home. His Brookins is missing him so much and it's so hard on her not to have her Poppy around to play with. We are on the homestretch now, it's all downhill from here, but I'll feel TEN times better when he gets in my moms truck and gets home. I can't wait to have his presence and laughter back in the house. Last night I went home to an empty house, and it's the hardest thing I've done in a really long time. My parents have gone on vacations and I've gone home to an empty house, but I've NEVER had to leave my dad someone and go home alone. It's super hard and I cried. I HATE THIS, but I know that when he's better all of this will have been worth it.

Please continue to keep him in your prayers.

150th post

WOOHOO for 150. However, not the point of this post.

We are leaving tomorrow for San Antonio at 9 in the morning. I'm really ready to get out of here and get some relaxation time in before everything becomes completely hectic and crazy. However, I'm not looking forward to what I'm coming back to. The whole thing with my dad. I don't really want to leave because I just want to stay here and spend time with my dad before next Monday. I know I know...I'm an emotional WRECK right now. I'm really looking forward to Brooke having a good time, and I know that it will be worth it and she'll have so much fun. And that's worth the trip itself. We have watched so much stuff on Sea World and she loves Shamu already, I just can't wait for the rest. Once my dad has had his surgery all will be better however, I think we all need some time away from one another. Please keep us in your prayers, for our trip and for our family.

VACATION...

Is nearly here and Brooke is way excited and asks me every morning when we are going to Sea World. She's going to have a great time. I'm really excited for her too. I'm excited just to get away from the stress and hub bub of work and family. I love my family and all, however, it'll be nice just to have sometime to wind down before my dad's surgery, which is the following Monday after we return. LOVELY!!!!!! Anyway, just thought I'd let everyone know I hadn't dropped off the face of the earth yet, just come really close. I'll try to blog from San Antonio and tell everyone how things are going. WOOHOOO!!!!

Ignorance is Bliss

Why oh why? I’ve been prepared to accept this kind of thing for the rest of my life, and dumb comments like this. However, I was not expecting them from someone I have known forever and love as a friend very much. I was talking to him on the phone this weekend, as he called to tell my mom thank you for something she gave her. I was telling him about Joe and he looked on myspace and found that yes, he is Hispanic. Now with all racist remarks aside, please know that he treats me like I should be treated and I hope that he can say the same for me. He is a true gentleman. Anyway, this person that I know, we’ll refer to him as “Jack”. So Jack proceeds to make racist comments and implies that Joe only listens to Tejano music, which is not true, and begins to imply that just because he’s Hispanic he does certain things. I proceeded to let him have it because I will not put up with that. He also asks me why I can’t date white guys or guys within my race. WHAT THE HELL DOES IT MATTER. We all have personal preferences and I would date Joe if he were white. Skin color doesn’t matter to me. I told him that Brooke was part Puerto Rican and if he wanted to judge Joe he was going to be judging my daughter and I don’t stand for that at all. Why do some people have to be so ignorant? I don’t understand. Why can’t people just be happy that he treats me right and loves me regardless of my little quirks, and besides that WHO IS HE TO JUDGE ME AND MY DECISIONS? He’s 16 years old and hasn’t even learned to live life, he’s still in that little High School mentality, and that’s frustrating. I guess that if I’m willing to spend the rest of my life with him and have children with him, I suppose that I should get used to the inappropriate comments and just start blowing me off. The deal is that if you judge someone of a different race, you are ultimately judging Brooke.

Lots of Things

The closer my dad comes to having surgery so many things go through my mind, when it’s calm and still. Things like, what will I do if I lose the only thing I have? The only person who has loved me unconditionally? The only man my daughter knows and loves? What will I tell Brooke? How will I tell Brooke that her Poppi is gone, and she won’t see him until she’s in heaven? Will he be there to walk me down the aisle and give me away? Or will I have to have my second dad Joe do it? Ironic I know. These are all the things I think about. I don’t want to have a family and him not be part of it. I want him to meet my future child(ren). I want them to know what an incredible man their grandpa is, not just assume he was a great man by the memories he left in my life. I know that everyone has a way of dealing with this on their own but its kind of got me down and I don’t like it. I want my dad back, the upbeat, positive guy I’ve known for the past 23 years. Not the one fighting for his life at this very moment, and praying that his surgery will be okay, and that it hasn’t spread somewhere else. I can’t lose the only thing I have. He’s my everything and my world. If it weren’t for my dad I have no idea where I’d be. He’s the only father figure Brooke has ever known, and it’s important that he’s there for her right now, because he’s all WE have. He has been my biggest fan all of my life, and I don’t know what I’d do without him.

Please just keep our family in your prayers if you don’t mind!!!

My dad, my HERO!!!

My dad is my biggest hero. I wish I could help him with what he's dealing with, but I can't, and I don't know where to start if I could. He has chosen not to let any of us in and that hurts more than anything. About 4 years ago, he was there for me when I told him that I was pregnant, whether he liked it or not, it was happening and there was nothing any of us could do about it. He stuck by my side when my mother would not. She chose to deal with it her own way, and that was to shut me out of her life and yell at me everyday!!!! He was there for me, cried with me, and talked to me. Made me feel his love. The closer Brooke became to coming into this world the more excited he got. He watched me change from a young girl, to a mature mother-to-be. He was there every step of the way, and I love him more than ever for being there for me during such a hard time in my life. He made me realize that even if Brooke's father wasn't there for her, he would never stop loving me or her. He cried the moment he first layed eyes on her and I knew he never quit loving me at that moment, and that all the crap we had been through together had paid off. He has been everything to her. They are inseperable. They get into so much trouble when they are together and I can't imagine having to tell her someday that her grandpa is gone and someday she'll see him again. I hope that day doesn't come anytime soon. When he goes you're going to have to bury me right along side him. He's the only thing I have left short of Brooke, and Joe. He is my life, my world, and the only dad I have, the only thing I have left to live for besides Brooke. We spent the first 18 years of my life doing stuff, from the time I was eight until I was eighteen we raised and bred the pigs together. From the time I was young until we got the pigs, we went camping and fishing together. That was our time together. Now we work on the roof and do things with Brooke together and that makes me happier than anything. I have helped my dad do 1/2 of the roof and although we may not have much to say to one another during that time, except little joking things, the time spent with him is time I can never get back. It's amazing. I LOVE HIM MORE THAN LIFE ITSELF. He is my hero, my dad, and the love of my life. I could never love another man more than I love my dad!!!!

Thanks dad for being my HERO!!!

WHY MY FREAKING FAMILY!!!

We put the fun in disFUNctional. I'M SICK OF IT ALREADY. Yes, my dad has cancer, yes, it could potentially be fatal, however, he is having surgery in June and will hopefully be fine after that. I'm done with school for the summer therefore I can help out around the house or whatever. I'm going on vacation in June and the Monday after I return my dad has surgery to have his prostate removed. I've got everything set up for Brooke in the way that she has someplace to go provided something happens. I don't want to be scurrying for a babysitter when it's too late, not a good idea, here we are a month and a week away and everything is set up. I told my mom this yesterday so that she would know, and to know that if I needed to stay overnight with dad or something I could, whatever I need to do I will, however there will be one thing and that's I will not be pushed or shoved around like a ten year old because she wants to be selfish, the shit has already started and it pisses me off more than anything. She told me yesterday that she's going to need time to come home and unwind, I'm like from what, you don't have to take care of him and you don't do anything at home anyway. I'll probably stay the night at least one night while he's in there so that we can all have sometime away from one another. I don't get to spend much time with my dad anyway, so nows the perfect time to start. I'm 23, I can pretty much handle things for myself. This is the time when I need my friends more than anything because I have a family who chooses not to be there for me. I get really sick of it. Thank God for Brooke's godmother, she gets to hear most of it. Anyway, I will set it straight that just beceause my dad maybe out of doing things around the house and what not, I will not be treated like shit, and I will not allow her to treat him this way either. I despise and have little respect for her, so I will not let her disrespect the one thing that I have and that's my father. He's the only thing I have left to depend on besides my daughter, I'll be damned if she treats him like shit. I'm sure there will be fighting outside of the hospital, and my mom will say, well, your dad doesn't need this, well, he doesn't need your shit either. She thinks that she's in it alone and it's all going to fall on her, well, I'm about to tell her differently. She thinks that if she loses him it's just going to be her affected, and the truth is that it affects Celeste, Tuesdie, and I as well, because not only is she losing a husband but we are losing the only thing we have and that's our DAD!!! I HATE HER SO MUCH!!!

I must stop this post or its going to get ugly and I'm already in tears as it is.

Its a pretty good thing for that special someone in my life.

GRRRRR!!

As if my day couldn’t get any worse at work yesterday, it was bad at school, AND at home. I CAN’T WIN FOR SHIT!!!! We won’t go into the work thing. But when my teacher got to class, yes, I was there at 5:45 and she showed up at 7, our drawings were instantly late. She did not tell us that they were due last Wednesday. They are not technically due until Wednesday which is the last day of class. So automatically my drawings were late because I didn’t stay up there until midnight printing it out. We all figured that as long as we really had them turned in by Monday everything would be fine. So I may be calling one of my advisors and hashing it out with him. That’s ridiculous. I was there super early pretty much every day that I didn’t have Yoga and NOT ONCE did I ever hear her say that anything was due by last Wednesday. STUPID STUPID STUPID!!! Anyway, so I better make an A in that class.

Home…yes, problems at home have never gotten better nor will they until I’m married and out of there. I got home last night and for some reason I’m not being spoken to anymore and according to my sister neither is she. My dad’s going through a lot of shit right now, but damnit so are the rest of us, my sister included. I don’t know why he’s being this way, but it’s time to get over it!!! He’s developed some health problems within the last couple of months, but we’re all doing our best to support him and be there for him as much as we can. I cannot hold his hand because I’m really busy right now just trying to end out the semester!! I have a lot going on. I’m sorry that we can not baby him. I know this is weighing really heavily on him, but we all have our own problems to deal with and I deal with my own and don’t tell anyone else!! I sit back and watch and listen to everyone else, but when I need someone they are not there. My friends are my best source of sanity during this time because I apparently can’t talk to my family. I know my sister is dealing with her own demons, so I’d just rather not put anything on her at this time. My mom doesn’t care nor will she listen, and my dad, well, yea, he’s another story, he won’t listen to you either without getting all in your face!!!! I told him something one day and he got about 3 inches from my face and yelled at me. I was just like OK!!! This was two weeks ago. I'm just really ready for things to end!!!!

One Day

Friends? What friends?

You would think that I had so many friends that I would have to divide time between. Think again as this was never the case. I feel as though growing up people just pretended to be my friends, especially when they wanted something. Why is it now that I don’t feel that they invite me to their showers or other get to gethers because they are my friend, but because they want gifts, or they want more people at their party than the other girl had at hers!!! I feel alone in this world and really feel that I have only a few “loyal” friends. Take Megan for instance. We have been best friends since the 1st grade. That’s 17 years!! WOOHOOO GO US!!! We have been through a lot and even though we are many miles apart we have not forgotten where it all started that day in first grade. And I have made a promise to myself and to my mom that I will not attend another wedding, wedding shower, or baby shower until one of my good friends has one or Megan decides to get married. Perhaps it’s because my parents weren’t willing to shell out their life savings on a $100.00 pair of jeans because it said GAP or the Buckle on the tag. Who really gives what your pants or shirt say. I was not popular nor was I liked, however I felt like I was always respectful and never gave anyone any reason not to like me. I was a loner all through school and those people who called me their friend then, definitely do not mean it now. I feel used!!! I told my mom how I felt about it, that people I think are just using us for our gifts and somehow feel obligated to invite me to their functions, however, I’m sick of going and being treated like shit. She cried with me because secretly inside I think she knew how I felt. I hope I’ve never displayed this myself. I have been invited to someone’s graduation on Saturday and I will attend like the loyal friend I am, because it is Megan, and I’ll buy her some expensive graduation gift, because even when I was a bitch to her, she never let me down. She stuck with me through the worst time in my life, so I thought, and hung on during my many mood swings. I love that girl to death, and there is nothing that can drive our friendship into the ground. We will remain loyal friends until the day that we’re dead, and for that I’m grateful. Go give her a shout on her page and tell her how proud of her you are. I CERTAINLY AM!! She’s my best friend, my lifesaver, and my sister from another mother. I’m proud to say that if I ever needed anything her family would be there for me just as they were throughout my pregnancy!! What a supportive family they are as well. I love them all, even that little turkey Lance, her brother!!!

WHY?

Why the hell have I been lied to and deceived for the past 6 weeks, because you weren’t sure if you really had cancer? I knew something was wrong that night when I walked through the door and you were all curled up in a blanket with your house robe on and mom just told me that you had a stomach bug, WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME THEN!!! Why did you wait? And now your lovely wife just doesn’t have a reason to get upset, well, I’m sorry that she doesn’t but I do!!! Oh how I despise that woman with all of my heart. I don’t have a bone in my body that likes her at all, and yet I call her mom. WHY have you both lied to me and my sisters for the past 6 weeks, but yet, when we hide information from you it becomes you lied to me shit. Why is it okay for you to do it knowing that you could have Cancer? Why didn’t you just tell us from the beginning so that we could prepare ourselves a little better, rather then finding out a week ago, what you’ve known all along? WHY?!

Easter Bunny Birthday

So yesterday not only did we celebrate Easter, but also Brooke's 3rd birthday. Yes, she is one year older and that much closer to starting school *tear tear* but also she got the coolest gifts ever. She got a little digital camera, it's fun!!! A picnic table, we like to picnic. A carseat for her baby, because she likes to strap them in my car and then people get all worried when they see a baby strapped in a car in the heat...hmmmm!!! A Hide N Seek Hayley, that is rather creepy with her creepy laugh!! And my favorite toy of all, a Fur Real Friend baby Piglet, who is amazigly actual size...who knew!!! We Easter egg hunted in the snow, and that was great fun!!! It was rather cold, but I new she'd enjoy it either way, so I bundled her up and off we went. The Easter bunny brought her this cool hatching egg thing, and this morning the shell was starting to crack!! Way cool, and by in the morning there should be a little chick coming out of it, if it isn't by the time we get home. Lots of candy, what would Easter be without candy?! We had Pablo cake, which hopefully I'll get some pics from my mom and you can see the amazing job my sister did on her cake!! GO SISTER!!! We had my niece and nephew over along with my sister for the Easter family get together that we do every year and have since who knows when. The only time we didn't do it was the year Brooke was born and that's because she was like three days old. I didn't really want any visitors, I'd had my fill at the hospital!!! Anyway, here's some pictures of the items she received!!! ENJOY!!! HOPE EVERYONE ELSE HAD A HOPPY EASTER!!!

Hmmm...

Why have I always felt let down by my mother? Why don't I feel like I can go talk to my mom about anything? Is it because she created this for herself many years ago? Perhaps. Perhaps, I don't know anything about being a parent anymore. All I know is that I come home to the best little welcome anyone could get, it doesn't matter if I've been gone 5 minutes, 5 hours or 5 days, she's still always really excited to see me. That makes my day more than anything. But on days like today, I would like to come home and tell my mom something or talk to her, interact with her someway, but it's not possible. She doesn't care what you have to say, she's not supportive and I can't remember a time when she was. Sometimes, I just want to come home and tell her something funny or sad that happened that day, but I can't because she just lets you talk on commercials or whatever, which really means that she doesn't care. But yet, when she comes home and wants to voice her opinions or talk about her day, we all have to sit down like in a circle indian style, and listen to her and pat her on the back. FOR ONE FREAKING DAY I'D JUST LIKE TO BE TOLD THAT IT'S ALL GOING TO BE OKAY!!! I want someone who will be willing to listen. I think I'm a good listener, and sometimes I like to give advice, but at least you know you can call me up and I'll listen.

New IHOP Review!!

My mom and I ate dinner at our new IHOP, I would recommend you give it another couple of weeks to a month before going yourself. Our experience wasn't horrible, but I have to say that yes, it looks small from the road and indeed it is small inside. They have made it to accomodate all people from the smokers to the non-smokers. M-town passed a city ordinance last year that stated that all resteraunts had to choose whether they would be ALL smoking or non-smoking and in order to be both, they had to have a seperate enclosed room with seperate ventilation for the smokers. This IHOP happens to be that way...except the door to the smoking room shuts really slowly so some of it leaks out!!! But I can live with the fact that I don't have to share the same air as the smokers!! No offense to you smokers out there!! They have a little perfecting to do but most of their staff is new to things so they are getting used to it, and the cooks are new I'm sure, and they are trying to get the hang of things. Overall things were good, we just saw a few little improvements!!! Definitely clean and pristine!!!

So there is my IHOP review!!! Time for me to go to bed. Hope to hear from all of you soon!!!

Please make note that by Saturday night my blog will have gone private so if you would like to continue reading it, you will need to send me an email with your email address in it, or just leave me a comment telling me something and I will get it all fixed up...don't get left out!!!

Today dear friends...

I discovered that the only dried fruit I liked is dried bananas...the rest is just too gross for me to even imagine eating. I got some tropical trailmix that had nuts and dried fruit in it and the only thing I would eat was the banana chips. I've always been adicted to those things.

"Hi, my name is Jalopy and I'm a banana chip addict."

Come to think of it, I've never really been interested in Rasins. Perhaps its for the same reason, I like my fruit juicy and all over me, not dainty and out of a package!! I bought it because I thought it would be a good low-cal snack for me to take to work to munch on, it appears I will be living off of nuts and rice cakes...who knew. So I bought some dried apricots, dried mango, and Crasins, I'm afraid all of it will go to my co-worker who eats those kinds of things, and I'll be living off of rice cakes!!

Also friends I look like I've been socked in both eyes considering Brooke didn't go to bed until 2:30 last night...Egan get ready buddy because this will be you soon as well. Prepare yourself now. Get up at least three times a night averaging every two hours. You will be more prepared that the rest of the potential parents out there. You will know what is on tv at all times, because you will be up!!!

I can remember after she was born and we brought her home. It was such a relief because I hated that hospital, I HATED it!!! The bed was horrible, and I just wanted to take my baby home and not be monitered all the time. Well, feeding time would come at all hours of the night for the first couple of nights we were home, but after a couple of days it kind of worked itself out and she would get up at the same times everynight and I would get up to pump, or mow the lawn according to my friend. Anyway, all I knew was that at 4 AM "Pensacola Wings of Gold" would come on and that was my all time favorite show. We used to watch it religiously and then it mysteriously went off the air, who knew it'd be on at 4 AM when we needed it the most. Anyhow, it made the time of "mowing the lawn" and feeding Brooke seem like no time at all. I miss that show.

Anyway, I'll possibly be posting pics soon of that building that is going down. I'm going to miss looking at the architecture of the building as it was built in 1933 and added onto in 1945!!!!!

Okay friends...

My blog is fixing to go private so if you would like to continue to read my blog...to all you lurkers out there...please shoot me an email. Or send me a comment with your email address.

HPV Vaccination. DO IT!! Protect them!!!

It's a good thing that they have come out with a new vaccination for HPV although for some this comes a little too late. It's a scary situation. You go in for a papsmear and think everything is okay, in which case it is not. THey call you two weeks later and tell you that you need to come in for more testing. So you go. Then in a couple of weeks they tell you that they'll need to take a biopsy. You go in once more. Then they discover that you have Phase III cancerous cells living in your cervix and making their way to your dimise. They also tell you that the surgery that you have to have is going to cost $800.00. You choke back the tears knowing what is next, a lifetime of hell and of fear. You go in for this surgery, you come out okay. They take the cells off , and they call you with the news later, that if you had waited just a little bit longer, the cancer bug would have bitten. It's scary, if you have daughters go ahead the shots are a lot cheaper than the hell I've been through. It's not to say that they're not full proof and that you should throw all caution to the wind after you've had these shots. They are about $360 for the series of shots. I figure that insurance companies will start to cover these kinds of shots, because after all, these kids are our future. I live in constant fear that it will return. I haven't been to the OB in 2 years. What if it's back and there is nothing they can do for me now? What if I can't have anymore kids because now they're going to have to remove everything I have at the age of 23? I have a future with my daughter, a future with a future husband, and my family. A FUTURE!!! They are trying to sign a bill to make it part of the vaccinations for kids that are entering the 6th grade. You think it's too early to start thinking about them having sex, it's not. Every year it's starts earlier and earlier. Why when I was in the 6th grade, boys still had cooties!! If only it still were that way for the youth of America. If you have sex aged children, go get them vaccinated. DO IT!! It will cost you way less to do it now that if they end up with it later. Protect them and their future!!!

TOday is the Day that the Permian Building...

becomes reduce to rubble. I am sad. I'm very sad. The facade was awesome. I wish I could tell Brooke about how amazing that building was, but unfortunately all she'll ever see is a parking lot or a parking garage. Right now as I type this, there is a wrecking ball getting to work out there. I'm depressed and I want to cry. I've always loved that building, and if I would've been old enough and wise enough I would have bought it years ago and had it refurbished and people would've had offices there. I know it's going towards a good thing, and that's to revive downtown Midland. However, I hadn't quite prepared myself for what I would see as I took a trip downtown at 10:30 this morning. As I entered the intersection of Texas and Big Spring street, the ball caught my eye and disbelief is all that I saw. I know it has been vacant for a very long time, but as someone suggested lets keep the building and turn it into a parking garage keeping the facade. It would've been amazing. Here is an article out of our local paper detailing these events.


"Midlanders gather to watch, express sorrow as building is torn down


A 2,000-pound steel ball crashed repeatedly into the Permian Building Tuesday as a crowd of Midlanders watched brick and concrete plummet from the historic property into a growing pile of rubble.


Construction crews from A&R Demolition began bulldozing the property Monday and estimated that it will take another two to three weeks before the building is permanently removed from Midland's skyline.


Residents who gathered to watch the building's gradual demise expressed sorrow, but appeared to also find some pleasure in the spectacle of a massive ball of steel slowly slamming into the building's crumbling facade time and again.


"It's sad, isn't it?" JoJo's Eatery owner JoAnn Brisco said, noting that she moved to Midland in 1980 and remembers when the property was still occupied, "although not by very many."


At one point in time Conoco-Phillips, Inc. maintained several offices in the building and, according to 238th District Court Judge John Hyde, an aficionado of local history, it also served as the location of the Midland County Clerk's Office for a year while the courthouse was being renovated.

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George McAlpine, one of several residents who gathered to watch the demolition, told the Reporter-Telegram the art-deco property also once housed the office of President George W. Bush while he was running Arbusto Energy.


"It's very sad, I'm saddened that a historical landmark building like that is being taken down," Hyde told the Reporter-Telegram.


The first two stories of the Permian Building were built around 1933 and an additional four stories were added in 1945. Hyde said it is one of only two art-deco buildings in Midland, the other one of which is located on the corner of Wall Street and Colorado Street.


"Those kinds of buildings were built with a kind of concrete block style that looks sort of reminiscent of the Daily Planet in Superman," Hyde said. "(They typically have) aluminum lettering around the top and curving on the front which makes it distinct architecture of that period. I hate to see that one go."


The Permian Building and Gihle's Tower, which is also scheduled for demolition, were acquired from MYCO Texas last year by TCTB Management, a joint venture of local and out-of-town investors. The Midland Savings Building, another former MYCO Texas property, was recently acquired by the Midland Municipal Management District and is also scheduled for demolition.


Jon Morgan, part-owner of TCTB Management, previously told the Reporter-Telegram that street-level parking will replace the buildings in the short term and a parking garage may be constructed in the future. He said the removal of long-vacant structures is essential to revitalizing downtown Midland.


"I'm sure something good will come of it, new things," Brisco said. "These old buildings are so pretty and interesting, but they probably just cost so much to refurbish them."

Shoes?

So tonight I went to the mall to go get some new shoes, went to Champs, and their customer service today was sucking!! So I walked down the mall a little way to FinishLine where the customer service was excellent!!! So I looked at some shoes there when Brooke decided she had to go to the potty...okay fine..I took her!! We got back and we were looking and I found the shoes I wanted. While I was talking to her Brooke was in my view pushing around the stroller.. Well, I turned my back for not even a minute and out the door she went. Mind you, I'm looking at shoes so I only have the one I'm trying on my foot. So I holler her name and I don't hear anything. So, I decide she has run out and indeed she has...I hobble out of there with one of their shoes on, which I'm only trying on, and run after her. I remember that my purse is still int the store, so I stopped halfway and she meets me. I get her back in the store, ask her if she knows what's fixing to happen and she tells me that she's fixing to get a spanking. *ding ding* Right answer, next answer is that she gets strapped in the stroller. She threw a fit, a HUGE fit!!! So I got my shoes paid for and got the heck out of there. I felt sorry for them and they understood thankfully.

My sister called a little later and Brooke knew she was in big trouble because she didn't say a word for most of the rest of the evening!!!

Elevators

I wish someone would be at least decent to the people riding inside the elevator. I hate going in elevators because there is always that awkward silence in there when there are others riding with you. It's just really aggravating.

This morning I encountered Mr. Haughty Business man, who laughed at me when I asked him how he was doing. I secretely wanted to push him out of the elevator as it went by something that wasn't a floor. If I could've just figured out how to get the doors open at the proper time.

GRRRR....I was simply making a delivery and got treated like some circus animal because I WASN'T in a suit and tie!!! Really made me angry. Why do people have to act like they are so much better than others? What's the point? Are any of us really inferior or superior to those around us. Just because we have a degree and the person next to us has never stepped foot into a College building doesn't mean that we are somehow secretly better!!!

WHY?

Not to mention that "B" was being really stubborn this morning and peed on herself in the car this morning. So my already late morning just continued to get later. I got her to the daycare got her out of her seat and got her changed, and then she threw a fit with the daycare director...I felt horrible but I was already late to work. I just left her crying didn't tell her goodbye or anything. I feel so bad, but I was so mad, and I was trying to make it easier on the Director. She's so good with kids when they act like this. Lets just say that I think I'm also getting sick...grrr... I woke up hacking up a lung this morning...which is never a good thing..hahhahah!!!!


Make a nice Tuesday, I'm going to try...hahahah!!

It feels like just another Manic Monday!!!

My obituary

'What" will your obituary say?' at QuizGalaxy.com

Lent

So the goal for Lent this year is to quit cussing. It has gotten so bad at work between me and one of my co-workers that we both had to do something this year. From the finger to dropping f-bombs on a more than daily basis. It was so bad so this year friends I'm working hard to quit cussing and because I need to stop doing it around Brooke as well. So I will keep you up to date on that.

Onto other news...I have lost SEVEN pounds!! I'm excited and I'm not nearly where I want to be weight wise, but I guess everyone has to start somewhere.

Anyway, I hope to keep you up to date on my progress.

Goodnight America!!!

My Rejected Horoscope!!!

Kourtney's Rejected Horoscope: You will sell your soul to the devil in exchange for a haircut 'What is your rejected horoscope?' at QuizGalaxy.com

Thanks Space Coast Musings, and Megan...wooohooo!!! You guys are my hero's!!!! Love you guys..

Umm...nothing new to report on. Nothing fantastic going on in this world of mine. I'm going out of town this weekend!! WOOHOO!!!

While You Were Sleeping

While You Were Sleeping
Casting Crowns

Oh little town of Bethlehem
Looks like another silent night
Above your deep and dreamless sleep
A giant star lights up the sky
And while you're lying in the dark
There shines an everlasting light
For the King has left His throne
And is sleeping in a manger tonight

Oh Bethlehem, what you have missed while you were sleeping
For God became a man
And stepped into your world today
Oh Bethlehem, you will go down in history
As a city with no room for its King
While you were sleeping
While you were sleeping

Oh little town of Jerusalem
Looks like another silent night
The Father gave His only Son
The Way, the Truth, the Life had came
But there was no room for Him in the world He came to save

Jerusalem, what you have missed while you were sleeping
The Savior of the world is dying on your cross today
Jerusalem, you will go down in history
As a city with no room for its King
While you were sleeping
While you were sleeping

United States of America
Looks like another silent night
As we're sung to sleep by philosophies
That save the trees and kill the children
And while we're lying in the dark
There's a shout heard 'cross the eastern sky
For the Bridegroom has returned
And has carried His bride away in the night

America, what will we miss while we are sleeping
Will Jesus come again
And leave us slumbering where we lay
America, will we go down in history
As a nation with no room for its King
Will we be sleeping
Will we be sleeping

Written by Mark Hall ©2005 Club Zoo Music (BMI) / SWECS Music (BMI) (admin. by EMI CMG Publishing)


As you read the lyrics things will pop out just as they did while I was listening to this song. I was amazed at the honesty they presented to the world. Read the parts about America it is so true. We are so worried about saving the trees and not saving the unborn children, or even those that made it into this world. Why? Why are American's self absorbed with self worth, the house in which we live, the cars we drive, the things we own, but the things that should really matter to us, they don't. The truth is that we have never been concerned with them. What about the homeless, are some homeless by choice? No, some are homeless because they couldn't get good jobs, they have been kicked out of their homes, or because they are so hooked on drugs that a home doesn't matter. Should these things matter to us? Absolutely. Now, I'm not saying that you should contribute to every man sitting on the corner with a sign that says "Will work for food." The truth is that they really dont' want to work. There are places for these people, it's called homeless shelters, the Salvation Army. There are these places, but we have made it so that they can't rely on these places because people will look at them differently.

I'm very guilty of not doing so, but I'd say that we all need to look at those less fortunate around us and see how we can help them.

P.S. Sorry it's so long...consider this Song Sung Sunday!!!

~Jalopy~

Here Fishy Fishy Fishy!!!

WE GOT NEW FISH....So far we have 7 fish and a snail. Sunday I went to go clean out the fish tank and upon opening the lid there was a grusome discovery, FELLA WAS DEAD!! Poor little fish, I hope he's in fishy heaven these days. SO we got a new fella last night and lots of other fella's to go along with our black molly "Guy." Guy freaked out upon discovering he had friends. Before it was just the Black Molly, Dalmation Molly and this cool Glass Fish. So he was not to keen on welcoming new strangers to his already claimed tank. He's a little territorial, but he'll get over it. The Glass fish is taking the transition well, and I'm proud of him. Brooke is really excited because she also got a "NEW" Vintage car to go in our Vintage fish tank. It started out with one VW Beetle and I think this is an old Ford Model T!! It's very cute and the fish don't really know what to think about all this yet. Our new dalmation molly is pretty small and our Black molly was apparently that size when we got him, except he grew up really fast. They are cute though and I'm especially happy about my new purchases.

On another note, Brooke and I had a good "Girls Evening Out" last night. I picked her up from daycare and as everyday she was so excited to see me and screamed, "My Mommy's here!!" Then she runs around screaming it!! She's happy most of the time and then sometimes we have our days. We went and had my tires rotated, went to HEB and bought Pull-ups, then went and ate at Chik-fil-A and we didn't even have to play on the playground, and then we went to Petsmart to get our fish. We had a good time and for the most part she was well behaved. I was really excited to get to spend that kind of time with her. It makes me feel a little better about being a parent and going to school to make OUR lives better, but mainly hers. We have been through financial difficulties and she doesn't even know it, but one day she will, and I want much better for her. I look at the little Miracle in my bed every morning and think about what a precious gift God has given to me and what an honor is it to be a mother!! I love that little girl, so much!! Therefore when Fella died I wanted to get her more fish to love and care for!!

Anyway, enough of my sad little, mushy story!!!

Good Day!!

I'm speaking up...

Yes, dear friends I'm speaking out about something. I am a PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals). I have decided to boycott many things, if this includes the one thing that I love to attend and that is the rodeo. I took Brooke to the circus last year, and I told myself I would NEVER do it again, and she wasn't allowed to go with anyone. I hate the way they treat the animals, it was really disturbing. I'm not saying that they were cruel but they are kept cooped up until show time and like the elephants were just stabbed with a little "control stick" when they weren't out of control. Irritating. Showcase women, children, men, but not the animals. I watched a Pink video where she spoke out about buying Australian Wool. Ladies and Gentlemen watch it at your own risk. Small children should not watch this as its very disturbing.
*I DECIDED NOT TO POST THE VIDEO AS SOME CHILDREN MAY SEE IT AND IT STARTS UP IMMEDIATLY. HOWEVER, GO CHECK OUT HTTP://WWW.PETA2.COM FOR MORE INFORMATION. THEY ARE COUNTING ON YOU*

There are more things, so go check them out and think about what those animals suffer. FOr me there are possibly no more stockshows, meat eating, rodeos, circus', or anything animal related. I'm standing up for the animals!!!

WE'VE GOT SNOW!!

AND LOTS OF IT!!! WOohooo!! Here are some pictures that I took last night. I will post the one's from today and this morning probably later on this evening or tomorrow. They have cancelled class for MC so out of the 3 classes I am taking, I've only been to one. WOOHOO...until next week I guess. It's not supposed to get any better after today. We'll see if the weather man is right or wrong. I guess you could say that my dad is Information Central to our family and many others. He watches the news at like 6 in the morning...GO DAD!!
Anyway, he loves us and he gave me a call to make sure that I had made it alright this morning, and indeed I had. Although, on my way you could tell where several people had made not so pleasant exits off the road. There was a mustang that was going west and apparently he slid and ended up quite a ways up in the mesquite trees of a pasture, which is a ways off the road!!! Anyway, here are some pictures.

http://s95.photobucket.com/albums/l155/kourjalopy/snow/?action=view&current=1169013495.pbw

Sorry, won't let me creat a slideshow, but go check them out anyway!!!

Martin Luther King, Jr. Day

Today is Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, and I decided to pay him tribute. I was not raised racist and I will not raise my daughter that way either. I strongly believe that we should accept EVERYONE regardless of skin color or accent. I thought that the best tribute to him would be his own, the words he gave us 40 years ago. They are better than anything I could ever write. Thank you Martin Luther King, Jr. for the things that you have envisioned some have come true today.

"I am happy to join with you today in what will go down in history as the greatest demonstration for freedom in the history of our nation.

Five score years ago, a great American, in whose symbolic shadow we stand today, signed the Emancipation Proclamation. This momentous decree came as a great beacon light of hope to millions of Negro slaves who had been seared in the flames of withering injustice. It came as a joyous daybreak to end the long night of their captivity.

But one hundred years later, the Negro still is not free. One hundred years later, the life of the Negro is still sadly crippled by the manacles of segregation and the chains of discrimination. One hundred years later, the Negro lives on a lonely island of poverty in the midst of a vast ocean of material prosperity. One hundred years later, the Negro is still languishing in the corners of American society and finds himself an exile in his own land. So we have come here today to dramatize a shameful condition.

In a sense we have come to our nation's capital to cash a check. When the architects of our republic wrote the magnificent words of the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence, they were signing a promissory note to which every American was to fall heir. This note was a promise that all men, yes, black men as well as white men, would be guaranteed the unalienable rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

It is obvious today that America has defaulted on this promissory note insofar as her citizens of color are concerned. Instead of honoring this sacred obligation, America has given the Negro people a bad check, a check which has come back marked "insufficient funds." But we refuse to believe that the bank of justice is bankrupt. We refuse to believe that there are insufficient funds in the great vaults of opportunity of this nation. So we have come to cash this check — a check that will give us upon demand the riches of freedom and the security of justice. We have also come to this hallowed spot to remind America of the fierce urgency of now. This is no time to engage in the luxury of cooling off or to take the tranquilizing drug of gradualism. Now is the time to make real the promises of democracy. Now is the time to rise from the dark and desolate valley of segregation to the sunlit path of racial justice. Now is the time to lift our nation from the quick sands of racial injustice to the solid rock of brotherhood. Now is the time to make justice a reality for all of God's children.

It would be fatal for the nation to overlook the urgency of the moment. This sweltering summer of the Negro's legitimate discontent will not pass until there is an invigorating autumn of freedom and equality. Nineteen sixty-three is not an end, but a beginning. Those who hope that the Negro needed to blow off steam and will now be content will have a rude awakening if the nation returns to business as usual. There will be neither rest nor tranquility in America until the Negro is granted his citizenship rights. The whirlwinds of revolt will continue to shake the foundations of our nation until the bright day of justice emerges.

But there is something that I must say to my people who stand on the warm threshold which leads into the palace of justice. In the process of gaining our rightful place we must not be guilty of wrongful deeds. Let us not seek to satisfy our thirst for freedom by drinking from the cup of bitterness and hatred.

We must forever conduct our struggle on the high plane of dignity and discipline. We must not allow our creative protest to degenerate into physical violence. Again and again we must rise to the majestic heights of meeting physical force with soul force. The marvelous new militancy which has engulfed the Negro community must not lead us to distrust of all white people, for many of our white brothers, as evidenced by their presence here today, have come to realize that their destiny is tied up with our destiny and their freedom is inextricably bound to our freedom. We cannot walk alone.

As we walk, we must make the pledge that we shall march ahead. We cannot turn back. There are those who are asking the devotees of civil rights, "When will you be satisfied?" We can never be satisfied as long as the Negro is the victim of the unspeakable horrors of police brutality. We can never be satisfied, as long as our bodies, heavy with the fatigue of travel, cannot gain lodging in the motels of the highways and the hotels of the cities. We can never be satisfied as long as a Negro in Mississippi cannot vote and a Negro in New York believes he has nothing for which to vote. No, no, we are not satisfied, and we will not be satisfied until justice rolls down like waters and righteousness like a mighty stream.

I am not unmindful that some of you have come here out of great trials and tribulations. Some of you have come fresh from narrow jail cells. Some of you have come from areas where your quest for freedom left you battered by the storms of persecution and staggered by the winds of police brutality. You have been the veterans of creative suffering. Continue to work with the faith that unearned suffering is redemptive.

Go back to Mississippi, go back to Alabama, go back to South Carolina, go back to Georgia, go back to Louisiana, go back to the slums and ghettos of our northern cities, knowing that somehow this situation can and will be changed. Let us not wallow in the valley of despair.

I say to you today, my friends, so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.

I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal."

I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.

I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.

I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.

I have a dream today.

I have a dream that one day, down in Alabama, with its vicious racists, with its governor having his lips dripping with the words of interposition and nullification; one day right there in Alabama, little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers.

I have a dream today.

I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight, and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed, and all flesh shall see it together.

This is our hope. This is the faith that I go back to the South with. With this faith we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope. With this faith we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood. With this faith we will be able to work together, to pray together, to struggle together, to go to jail together, to stand up for freedom together, knowing that we will be free one day.

This will be the day when all of God's children will be able to sing with a new meaning, "My country, 'tis of thee, sweet land of liberty, of thee I sing. Land where my fathers died, land of the pilgrim's pride, from every mountainside, let freedom ring."

And if America is to be a great nation this must become true. So let freedom ring from the prodigious hilltops of New Hampshire. Let freedom ring from the mighty mountains of New York. Let freedom ring from the heightening Alleghenies of Pennsylvania!

Let freedom ring from the snowcapped Rockies of Colorado!

Let freedom ring from the curvaceous slopes of California!

But not only that; let freedom ring from Stone Mountain of Georgia!

Let freedom ring from Lookout Mountain of Tennessee!

Let freedom ring from every hill and molehill of Mississippi. From every mountainside, let freedom ring.

And when this happens, When we allow freedom to ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God's children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual, "Free at last! free at last! thank God Almighty, we are free at last!"

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

So 2007 has finally arrived, and I haven't thought of any New Years Resolutions...I'm not good at keeping them anyway. I didn't do anything, I just sat at home twiddling my thumbs, however, my sister and I had a good time spending money on Sunday!!! It was great!!! My mom, dad, and Brooke went to see my oldest sister Tuesdie on Saturday and that was fun. I haven't seen the girls in a long time, and the newest little member Preslee is just as cute as can be. I'll have to post pictures!!! Anyway, we drove back home Saturday night and slept in for a long time on Sunday!! WOOHOO!! Then we got up and got ready to go to town and meet with Celeste and went shopping. Yesterday Celeste and the kids came over and that was fun. Anyway, my best friend Megan has moved to Amarillo now and she's gone not forever, but hopefully temporarily. I'm happy that she's moving on to another step in her life, and seeing her happy makes me happy. I didn't get to see her yesterday before her and Danny left, however I wish you guys luck and I love you both very much. Anyway, better get to work.