Lots of Things

The closer my dad comes to having surgery so many things go through my mind, when it’s calm and still. Things like, what will I do if I lose the only thing I have? The only person who has loved me unconditionally? The only man my daughter knows and loves? What will I tell Brooke? How will I tell Brooke that her Poppi is gone, and she won’t see him until she’s in heaven? Will he be there to walk me down the aisle and give me away? Or will I have to have my second dad Joe do it? Ironic I know. These are all the things I think about. I don’t want to have a family and him not be part of it. I want him to meet my future child(ren). I want them to know what an incredible man their grandpa is, not just assume he was a great man by the memories he left in my life. I know that everyone has a way of dealing with this on their own but its kind of got me down and I don’t like it. I want my dad back, the upbeat, positive guy I’ve known for the past 23 years. Not the one fighting for his life at this very moment, and praying that his surgery will be okay, and that it hasn’t spread somewhere else. I can’t lose the only thing I have. He’s my everything and my world. If it weren’t for my dad I have no idea where I’d be. He’s the only father figure Brooke has ever known, and it’s important that he’s there for her right now, because he’s all WE have. He has been my biggest fan all of my life, and I don’t know what I’d do without him.

Please just keep our family in your prayers if you don’t mind!!!