Monday, November 24, 2008

Oh the things you'd like to know...

I’m hanging in there. I don’t even know what to say anymore. It’s been so hard. So rough. Some days I’m okay. Sometimes I feel like crawling under a rock and dying. I feel like I’m at the point in my life where things aren’t really just about having fun and dating anymore. I’m looking for the man I’m going to marry. That one man that is going to sweep me off my feet. That one man that will love me and Brooke even with her four year old temper tantrums. That one man that she will want to play with and who will actually do it, even if it means that they have to play barbies or baby dolls with her. Who will sit on the couch and cuddle with her.
There are so many good things that have come from this.

I feel like I’ve grown closer to a lot of people. My dad and I talk about it all the time. I feel like I can call him up at anytime and just talk to him and inevitably I cry every time. He’s such a good dad and just tells me that I’m gonna be okay and that we are going to get through this. He’s been the world’s best dad forever. When I was pregnant with Brooke he was there for me through it all. He was so excited to have another grandbaby even though the circumstances weren’t ideal. He and Brooke are so incredibly close it’s unreal. I called him today and he just comforted me in knowing that we are going to get through this and that I will have learned many valuable lessons when this is all said and done. He constantly tells me that I’ll meet a man who will love me and Brooke unconditionally. I know that my daddy is right because well, I’m daddy’s girl, and he’s never lied or failed me!!!! I feel so blessed to have a dad like him.

I’ve always had a belief in God, but I can’t explain what’s happened here. I feel like I’m continuing to grow closer everyday to HIM. I feel like I’m starting to rely on HIM more and more. I know that He only gives you as much as He knows you can handle. That’s amazing, a God that knows when to stop and when to keep on pushing. He knows when you’ve had enough and you’re near your breaking point, then sometimes He keeps pushing just because He knows you won’t break but you will grow and become stronger from the experience. I feel like I’m growing and becoming stronger.

Breakups aren’t always easy and you can’t expect to be best friends again overnight. If you think that’s going to happen you are wrong. There’s going to be static and tension for a little while. There are going to be be harsh words said, and people are going to get hurt. But do not let your heart become cold and full of cobwebs, it’s then that you decide that you’ll never let anyone in. I feel so fortunate that I’ve had so many people there for me and caring for me. What an awesome thing!!! It’s so amazing. My friends have been incredible and so has my dad and sister. I don’t really talk to my mom about it much, I just can’t. I’ve never been close to her and I can’t really say that it’s going to change overnight. Relationships are hard, and breakups are harder especially when you’ve loved someone with everything you had. I’m going to give it time and see what happens. We shall see and only time will tell what will happen in the end.

Thanks again for everyone who’s been there to listen to me cry and talk about everything. You’ll never know how much it’s meant to me. I can not thank anyone enough for just calling and saying, hey I was thinking about you, are you alright. I will be okay, and I’m going to make it, but it’s going to take time to get myself there. I don’t understand sometimes, but none the less this is the way it’s going to be.

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