Monday, June 05, 2006

Valentine's Day 1995


I know it’s not Valentine’s Day, but I don’t care.


While sitting here I remember a particular night of my very young life. I was in the 5th grade and they had a Valentine’s Day dance at the school. I tried to put myself out there when I was young and participated in everything they had, fun nights, dances, you know elementary things. I was not popular, I did not wear the best clothes and I was somewhat okay with that. My parents were trying to pay for my oldest sisters wedding at that time! So I went to the dance with hope that someone there might ask me to dance! Well, my hopes were shattered! I got to dance with someone and that’s because their girlfriend, who was my best friend at the time, told them to come dance with me. So we danced, I can’t say it was all star filled because I knew the truth, he was forced to. After the night ended and everyone went home, I was still hopeless. On Monday everyone came back to school, and my friend, the girlfriend, told me that after he danced with me he told her that he was going to have to go home and burn his clothes! I was not nasty, I did not stink, but I definitely didn’t wear the clothes he did either! Did I mention that we were poor? I tried to let it go, but it today has come back to haunt me!! How could my best friend let him say something like that and not stand up for me? I know I was young, but at that age your body is starting to change, well at least mine was. I had hit puberty and that was traumatizing to me. Not to mention that my class was still adjusting to the new teacher because our first teacher Mrs. Carder had left us at Christmas to move back to her hometown with her husband. I remember this event because I wondered if the new teacher would be able to deal with my ADHD as Mrs. Carder had, and she assured me that everything would be okay. She wrote letters and what not, but it was hard with her gone. This was a long time ago, just think 11 years and its still haunting me. I’ve never been ugly to him since that very day. I let it go, but think that could possibly be part of my insecurities. I bet he doesn’t even remember that day at all.

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